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-   -   brother in law and his wife... what can I say? (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f257-natural-childbirth/1630228-brother-law-and-his-wife-what-can-i-say.html)

bostoncreampie July 11th, 2009 07:23 PM

brother in law and his wife... what can I say?
 
My brother in law and his wife are expecting their first. The baby is "due" in 8 days. They are very traditional, so my husband and I have been trying to influence them a little bit throughout the pregnancy. We had a great heart to heart when she was very early on about breastfeeding, and I think she's decided to try and make that work, which was really exciting for me! We also sent them a few books that I'm hoping open their eyes to some more natural and nontraditional parenting styles that they probably would never had considered.

Hubby called his brother tonight to see how they are doing and it turns out that they just got back from the OBGYN and were extremely upset and discouraged because they asked the DR to induce labor and she said no. She isn't even due for 8 more days...

I have such mixed feelings about this. I don't want to be judgmental, but it's sort of unbelievable. Their reasoning is that SIL is miserable because the baby is measuring a whooping 8 pounds, which I don't understand because my son was 8.5 pounds. Most babies are? Everyone is miserable these last few weeks. I just feel like this delivery is doomed from the beginning. She'll rush to the hospital the minute she feels a contraction, get the epidural right away, labor won't progress so she'll need pitocin, baby will be in distress so she'll end up with a c-section, thus resulting in a handful of problems that get in the way of her breastfeeding. Is that terrible of me?

I want to email her and offer some support and insight, but I know that no 9 month pregnant woman wants advice from anyone else. Is there anything I can do to influence her this late in the game or do I just need to step back and let them make their own choices? :mellow:

moon~maiden July 11th, 2009 07:29 PM

Re: brother in law and his wife... what can I say?
 
yeah, you probably do, especially this late in the game when she is so emotional. I am happy to hear the doc wouldn't induce, that is somewhat rare, really. Most docs are happy to!

Anyway, it is probably best to just let them do what they are going to do. My guess is they will get the doc to induce eventually.

Those last weeks are the worst!

Del4 July 11th, 2009 07:38 PM

Re: brother in law and his wife... what can I say?
 
Wow. I don't know if I could keep my mouth shut. But it would ultimately depend on how close we were. If not very close, I'd offer some info on why an induction is rather risky and maybe show her some statistics on inductions and how 50% of them end up in c-section. It's like flipping a coin on whether or not you'll be cut open. I might also show them BOBB or Pregnant in America ... (BOBB is probably better for that). Just maybe a non-confrontational approach to opening her eyes a little to the fact that this really isn't about how uncomfortable she is right now. It's about the health of the baby and herself. And if she thinks she's uncomfortable now, just wait till she's had a million interventions and then a c-section. It would probably be pretty traumatic for her, too, considering she probably has no idea what to expect, ya know and hearing your baby is having trouble is terrifying.

Anyway.... it would really depend on how well I knew them for me to say something.

bostoncreampie July 11th, 2009 07:51 PM

Re: brother in law and his wife... what can I say?
 
We aren't close at all. Probably the most we've ever really talked was about breastfeeding. We live in different states and only see each other a few times a year at the most.

I think I may email her and offer some ideas for encouraging labor naturally like sex, climbing stairs and walking a lot, and maybe even membrane sweeping if it gets close to the due date and there isn't progress. I agree that it would probably be out of line to suggest that her wanting to be induced is wacky, just because 9 month pregnant women can become sensitive. I would hate to start family drama.

It's gonna take some will power to keep my mouth shut! It's a good thing we live in different states.

BoobyDutyAgainJen July 11th, 2009 11:27 PM

Re: brother in law and his wife... what can I say?
 
I think what you are planning sounds perfect! You aren't in her face about it but giving her ideas. I hope it works and maybe stress the breastfeeding then or ask her how she is feeling about it. That way that at least is important to her.

moon~maiden July 12th, 2009 07:18 AM

Re: brother in law and his wife... what can I say?
 
Send her the link to the eggplant parm recipe too!

**Jenn** July 12th, 2009 09:46 AM

Re: brother in law and his wife... what can I say?
 
I think that sounds like a good plan! And considering you're not close with her I would word what you say very carefully, especially in an email. At 9 months with those hormones racing and feeling done and miserable she's likely to take things the wrong way. All you can do at this point is be supportive of the way she feels and offer some more natural suggestions to get things going.

rachna July 12th, 2009 02:19 PM

Re: brother in law and his wife... what can I say?
 
That is a tough situation, and I think your plan sounds like a good one. I agree about being careful how you word things. It is hard seeing people making choices and you know where those choices might lead. Yay for the dr though for saying no to inducing her

monica8 July 13th, 2009 05:40 AM

Re: brother in law and his wife... what can I say?
 
Tough place and very hard to watch. Sadly she'll probably just do what she wants. Especially if she's already getting inductions into her head. Good luck if you decide to say anything.

TheOtherMichelle July 13th, 2009 01:59 PM

Re: brother in law and his wife... what can I say?
 
I wouldn't say anything, unless it's suggestions for natural inductions like the others have suggested. Or you could send her an email and word it something like, "I know how difficult the ending of pregnancy can be so if you ever need to talk I have been there" and that might open up a dialogue. Otherwise I think you should just stay out of it. I've been there and it's hard to keep your mouth shut, but at this point you just have to let her do what she wants and hope for the best, unless you want to start some family drama. ;)

bostoncreampie July 13th, 2009 05:44 PM

Re: brother in law and his wife... what can I say?
 
I ended up sending her an email this morning like TheOtherMichelle said. I didn't mention anything aside from being sympathetic and telling her to hang in there! She responded about wanting to be induced and I offhandedly shared the fact that 50% of inductions end in c-section. To be honest, I think she'd rather have a c-section than go through labor anyway so it's a lost cause. Oh well.

monica8 July 14th, 2009 06:14 AM

Re: brother in law and his wife... what can I say?
 
Yeah, that seems to be what everyone I know thinks. I've had a couple people actually tell me "Thank god the baby was breach so I could get the c-section." :huh:

WhoaMomma! July 14th, 2009 09:49 AM

Re: brother in law and his wife... what can I say?
 
I don't post often, but I have been following this board for a while. Hope you don't mind me butting in on your question. But maybe you could also suggest to her some things she could do to make herself more comfortable (as much as any very pregnant woman can be) while she waits. Reflexology foot massages (which are supposedly another method of natural induction according to my massage therapist), prenatal massages (I get mine at Red Door Spa and they are FAB), acupuncture, etc. Since the doc WON'T induce, maybe she will be open to trying some things that will help her to relax and help her body prepare. Then maybe if she isn't quite so uncomfy, she would find herself a little less anxious and a little less ready to agree to any old procedure?

TheOtherMichelle July 14th, 2009 01:13 PM

Re: brother in law and his wife... what can I say?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by kristenpie (Post 16565888)
I ended up sending her an email this morning like TheOtherMichelle said. I didn't mention anything aside from being sympathetic and telling her to hang in there! She responded about wanting to be induced and I offhandedly shared the fact that 50% of inductions end in c-section. To be honest, I think she'd rather have a c-section than go through labor anyway so it's a lost cause. Oh well.

Well, at least you know you tried. Some people just have that mindset and won't be budged. Although it beats me why anyone would want an excuse for a c-section. :huh:


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