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BobbityBoo October 11th, 2010 10:22 AM

A friend who is pregnant...
 
I know we all have this post sometime or another, but here is mine...

A good friend of mine from back in high school is pregnant with her first. She posts some of her blog entries on FB, so I will read them from time to time. This is an intelligent woman. She is going through her PhD program right now for psychology. So I am even more baffled that she wouldn't research pregnancy, labor and birth MORE! If your life is based on research, why wouldn't you research this?

Her mom is a labor and delivery nurse and has been for years. So I think she is relying on her knowledge. We had a conversation at my parents while I was visiting a few weeks ago and she said her mom said to just turn down the epi when it's time to push so you can feel it and push more effectively. If you do that then you can avoid a c/s. It just seemed so clinical, get the epi, labor, then turn it down and push the baby out. I suppose it works like that for some women, but what happens when it doesn't work like that?

I don't know. It takes everything in me not to share some info with her. But really I know she will ignore it. Since she is in the process of getting her PhD, I'm pretty sure she thinks I've turned into some hippie Seattle-ite with my home birth and cloth diapers. :(

QueenCrafty October 11th, 2010 10:39 AM

Re: A friend who is pregnant...
 
Her mom's advice sounds just like my MIL's (a nurse and teaches L&D nursing students). It's so routine for them so I'm betting your friend feels like she doesn't need to do the research if she has her mom there to support her. My MIL is very much in line with typical OBs in her thinking- as in if isn't as easy as epi, turn it down, then push, then a c-section was meant to be. I think she felt offended that I didn't want any standard procedures like iv fluids or interventions like pitocin or an epidural. My guess is that your friend and probably her mother feel like going against the standard automatically puts the baby at risk, so why bother researching alternatives.

BobbityBoo October 11th, 2010 11:13 AM

Re: A friend who is pregnant...
 
I think you're right. I think she has no desire to go through labor without an epi, so why even research NCB? I have a hard time understanding that since I was raised with the idea of NCB, I don't even know how to argue it really.

sara~b October 11th, 2010 02:01 PM

Re: A friend who is pregnant...
 
Sometimes you just have to hope for the best and let people learn the hard way. I got an epidural with Gemma just because that's what people do, right? I ended up with a second/third degree episiotomy and not bonding with her. The Stadol had me so out of it I was too afraid to hold my own baby.

With Ash I had the labor from Hell but I didn't care. I bonded with her right away and recovered faster. And if I do it again there are even more interventions I would turn down. For the hard headed and stubborn there is no other way besides the main stream and it takes a bad experience to change our minds!

Tiff802 October 11th, 2010 02:09 PM

Re: A friend who is pregnant...
 
I so know what you mean!!! I have a friend that has a mom who works for an OB's office and she just listened and went along with whatever her mom told her. She ended up with a c-section btw. Unfortunately everything in society tells us that childbirth is dangerous and super painful, so painful that we can't handle it. It's funny that people are blind to the fact that the epidural causes things to become dangerous.

Caelen October 11th, 2010 03:18 PM

Re: A friend who is pregnant...
 
You know, I didn't research anything the first time. I learned my lesson the hard way. Now I research like crazy and probably drive the people around me nuts about it.. especially my doctor lol.

I think a lot of first time mothers don't know what to expect, its overwhelming and a little scary so they just go with the flow and follow the nurses and doctors a bit blindly. Not all first time mothers of course.. that's just my impression from what I've heard and experienced myself. As someone who centers their life around research, she may think that the doctors have it all figured out so why complicate it. She'll have to learn in the end if she likes or doesn't like that process.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BobittyBoo (Post 21797850)
I think you're right. I think she has no desire to go through labor without an epi, so why even research NCB? I have a hard time understanding that since I was raised with the idea of NCB, I don't even know how to argue it really.

IMO, epidurals have become so common that a lot of people can't imagine that someone would want to labor or deliver without one. I had someone tell me after I had my son that I was stupid (yep, read that right.. I was called stupid) for not having an epidural and experiencing all that pain "for no good reason."

PinkFireFly October 11th, 2010 05:09 PM

Re: A friend who is pregnant...
 
I think the only reason the epi worked for me like that was because I had labored soooo long without the epi...

Once I was fully dilated and effaced they shut the epi off... I was shocked that I completed in less than 2 hours but then again I think it worked so well for me only because I labored foreve without anything other than pitocin...

Maybe her mother had seen it work more time then not that way... a lady getting her PhD would go au natural IMO... if you know what I mean

BobbityBoo October 11th, 2010 07:15 PM

Re: A friend who is pregnant...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MedicBaby21 (Post 21801640)
I think the only reason the epi worked for me like that was because I had labored soooo long without the epi...

Once I was fully dilated and effaced they shut the epi off... I was shocked that I completed in less than 2 hours but then again I think it worked so well for me only because I labored foreve without anything other than pitocin...

Maybe her mother had seen it work more time then not that way... a lady getting her PhD would go au natural IMO... if you know what I mean

I think there is time and a place for epi's and I would say in your case it was needed. If the labor is really long or the mom is nervous/stressed about something or even if her blood pressure is really high and epi is a great thing. Sometimes all the mom needs is to relax and let her body work.

But in my friend's case I don't think that's the best idea.

At least not without a trial of labor.

toasty October 11th, 2010 09:35 PM

Re: A friend who is pregnant...
 
I think honestly people dont realize how they will feel after a typical hospital birth, they think if they avoid a c/s then thats all that matters. That is exactly what happened to me, I had a lot of L&D experience and didnt question anything (very unlike me!). I really didnt realize that after a hospital-epi and everything that tends to go with, the experience can leave you feeling like a failure, with this unsettled feeling that i couldnt really pinpoint what was causing and didnt understand. I think people sometimes need to go through one way to see how its not the best way, like innocent until proven guilty, people just think the hospital is best until proven NOT best by their own experience!

Another big reason is fear. If almost everyone she knows went that route then its like trekking into unknown territory going natural. Mail her a book! :D

HappyHippy October 12th, 2010 07:53 AM

Re: A friend who is pregnant...
 
Well, if she turns it down right at the moment of pushing, then she'll still have the Epi in her and working. It doesn't just go away once you turn it down or off, like gas does, it will take some time. I had the Epi with my first and it took 45 minutes for it to wear off.

BobbityBoo October 12th, 2010 09:51 AM

Re: A friend who is pregnant...
 
If we were better friends than I might broach the subject with her. But to be honest we had a falling out a few years back and we have "patched" things up but not really. Plus I have moved to another state during that time, so we just aren't that close anymore.

I half mentioned something while visiting with her but she instantly went into turning down the epi thing, so I just kept quiet.


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