I have had 2 homebirths, and it was much easier to deal with questions and horrified reactions the second time around!
How did you tell your parents and close relatives about your plan to not go to a hospital? Did you tell your friends well in advance, right before, or afterward?
Those who have had birth center births and homebirths can often deal with people who think they are taking their own and their baby's life into their hands by not being in a hospital with all the latest medical technology. I think it's important to talk about how to handle questions and accusations in an educated and infomative manner.
I've had two homebirths and I'm planning on a third with this one.
My mom works in the administrative offices of a hospital. When I had Xander and I told her that I was going to have a homebirth at frist she was fine. About two weeks later she called me and said some of her friends at work told her that having a homebirth was dangerous especially for a first time mom. When she first told me this I was completely at a loss for words. My grandmother felt the same way. So I went on-line... printed up a bunch of articles and bought The Thinking Woman's Guide to Childbirth and the Bradley book I used for my class and sent them to her. My Grandfather also took my side in all of this... he just looked at my grandmother and said to her... 'My mother had all of her kids at home and we're all fine.' After these things they didn't bring up the issue anymore.
For the most part the reactions I got was... 'Are you crazy? No pain medications!' That's what my friends said. But it helped that my one friend who was a nurse... her mother had 3 homebirths and she was completely fine with it. So my other friends took the que from her.
When I tell people now that I'm homebirthing and I get a 'are you crazy' reaction. I just tell them the experience I had with the other two and how much I turst my midwife... she knows exactly what she's doing!
My parents flipped out when they heard I'm having a homebirth in September. They refused to listen to a single word of information either me or my husband gave them about homebirthing or how hospital birth is so medicalized the woman is treated like a ticking time bomb. But, sadly, that's just how they are. They're both the type that if the facts don't match what they have already decided--even if they are completely clueless and uninformed--then the facts must be wrong.
On the other hand, everyone else we've mentioned homebirth to has been either very supportive, or at least curious why we came to that decision.
And all I know is I got approximately 12 weeks to go and I can't wait! I wanna see our baby! :wub:
Everyone has known for years that our third would be a homebirth since we are now in a state where we can do that. I am very open about having a homebirth. No one asks any questions of me. Some say I am brave. I tell them they are brave for birthing in the hospital. Most people are just interested in hearing how a homebirth goes. The biggest thing people comment on is cleaning up. They are amazed when I tell them that's the midwife's job.
Well, I have had an array of responses, the most harsh being from my family! lol.
My Hs family - well I think hes a little nervous to tell them, but well see.
Ive gotten everythign from "youre so brave" to "your nuts!" and even "yah - you say that now - youll be BEGGING to go to the hospital , just wait". lol.
My mom basically said "HOw DARE you do that to my grandchild - you are SO selfish!"" and even better - she claims "Drs CANT do csections unless its an absolute life or death emergency - youre just overly paranoid" - yeah, thats my mom for ya. WE dont have the GREATEST relationship lol.
My grandmother had her children in the "knock em out and drag em out" era - so she just doesnt understand why they dont give ALL women csections and be done with it lol. Although her mother had all 5 of her children at home.
My aunt - same thing - and when she caught wind of us renting a birth tub - she asked if our baby was born with gills and if the water had to be chlorinated or salt water! Whatever.
My cousin - his W just had a scheduled CSection b/c the dr convinced them their 8 1/2 lb baby would NEVER be delivered alive vaginally and it was TOO dangerous NOT to do a cesarean. He wondered what we would do if we had an 8 1/2 lb baby. I reminded him he was 10 lbs - his mother had him naturlaly and vaginally, and theyre both her to tell about it lol. His first reaction was "you mean you wont have to call 911 if the baby is 9 lbs?".
Im really surprised by some of the responses. Few have been truly supportive, a large portion truly curious, and a few too many have thought i was nuts/endangering my baby/selfish/etc.
Well see what they have to say after I have the baby :D
When I first decided to have a homebirth, my mom was willing to listen to information, my dad was not. He knows I will do whatever I set my mind to, and that there was really nothing he could do to dissuade me. My mom ended up being present at my first homebirth, so she continues to be supportive.
I have never gotten any accusations personally about putting myself or my baby at risk, but I certainly know women who have had those accusations made about them.
Mostly Ive just had curious questions and opportunities to educate people about what homebirth means, who cleans up, how hard it is to go without pain meds, those sorts of things. I get a lot of "wow, you are brave" and "I could never do that".
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