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NinjaCakes March 23rd, 2013 11:10 AM

What do you say?
 
When you are confronted with natural birth doubters, what do you say to them?

alittlelost March 23rd, 2013 12:12 PM

Re: What do you say?
 
depends what their doubts are!

Kelllilee March 23rd, 2013 12:25 PM

Re: What do you say?
 
exactly - depends on what they say. I usually just respond with facts or personal experience. But there are so many different circumstances you'd have to be more specific ;)

keekopeeko March 23rd, 2013 12:34 PM

Re: What do you say?
 
Like when it comes up and you say "I'm going to try for a natural birth" and they rudely declare "oh you'll give up as soon as it gets intense!" Or "well no one likes a hero" ... That kind of thing???

Calendula March 23rd, 2013 03:47 PM

Re: What do you say?
 
It does depend. If someone is genuinely curious or mis-informed, I try to provide rational reasonable answers. If someone is dismissive and flippant but not really rude, I try to shrug it off and just say I think it was right for me.

The people who seem to be trying to discourage you from doing it, or insulting you for only doing it as an ego trip? I can get snippy. I try not to, because I know it doesn't help, but seriously. "What do you mean I don't get a trophy for it? I thought it was just taking so long because it was being engraved! Oh, man!"
"It's safer? Really? Thanks, I'll make sure the birthing center knows they've been doing it wrong."

Quote:

Originally Posted by keekopeeko (Post 27222719)
Like when it comes up and you say "I'm going to try for a natural birth" and they rudely declare "oh you'll give up as soon as it gets intense!" Or "well no one likes a hero" ... That kind of thing???

Ugh, I hated hearing that.

Something along the lines of "Thanks for the vote of confidence. I guess there's only one way to find out." Really, what can you say to something like that? It's an awful thing to say to someone.

jhmomofmany March 23rd, 2013 05:02 PM

Re: What do you say?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by NinjaCakes (Post 27222593)
When you are confronted with natural birth doubters, what do you say to them?

As little as possible. I'm not a very good advocate, I guess.. after so many years of having the same conversations I just got tired of it.

alittlelost March 23rd, 2013 06:19 PM

Re: What do you say?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by keekopeeko (Post 27222719)
Like when it comes up and you say "I'm going to try for a natural birth" and they rudely declare "oh you'll give up as soon as it gets intense!" Or "well no one likes a hero" ... That kind of thing???

I love that comment. It just means THEY didn't have it in them to try. It's not like EVERYONE gives up lol

MyFantasticFour March 23rd, 2013 08:30 PM

No one has ever said it to me but I would actually say "I'm sorry you felt that way." One of my other groups posted the other day about how first time moms trying to go natural are so full of themselves. I just kept my mouth shut because it's clearly said out of insecurity.

Husher March 24th, 2013 11:25 AM

Re: What do you say?
 
I just rave and rave and rave about how absolutely AMAZING my natural births were. I talk about how uncomfortable we were in a hospital, even though we still had a natural birth there (minus the pitocin) and then I tell them how the birth high never ended after the water birth with my second son. It's not for everyone, but it's for ME.

They can't argue when I have had both experiences and KNOW what is best for my body and baby.

alittlelost March 24th, 2013 12:33 PM

Re: What do you say?
 
One thing that bugs me a little is that someone who is pro hospital can go on at length and loudly about how great hospitals and hospital births are, or how not having them is dangerous, or that it makes no sense to go through that pain for "nothing" etc, and that's fine. No one says a cross word about it. But if you did the same thing about natural birth (talked at length about all the benefits, etc) then people say you are "full of yourself" of "judgmental" or "on a high horse". I think this is why a lot of natural birthing mamas don't talk about their experiences quite as much.

Oh, or when you try to, you get 10 words out before you are interrupted for someone to give their hour long speech on how great hospital births are and how they could never have any other kind of birth, and then when you try again to say something, they change the subject and won't let you get in a word. Unfortunately, there is a lady who does this about EVERYTHING in our circle of moms. For example, she'll go on about how right her political choices are, and then if you mention yours and they are different from hers, she'll say "Oh, I just don't talk about politics or religion because it's not appropriate." It's like, hello, you were JUST talking about politics. She just doesn't want anyone ELSE to talk about them so tries to guilt people out of speaking up so they can't disagree with her.

Okay, that turned into a rant about something else :P oops

MyFantasticFour March 24th, 2013 06:29 PM

Re: What do you say?
 
I know exactly what you mean, Lost! I was at a Tastefully Simple party on Friday night and all of the women were talking about their c-sections and how doctors should have induced sooner for bigger babies and all of this crazy stuff and it was so awkward for me because I know that if I started disagreeing, I'd be the odd man out and probably looked at like I was bragging or something. Oh well, I'm happy with the way I did things and I DO think I have some helpful information to offer but I'm not judging anybody for their choices...I just wish I could share mine without the judgment!!!

NinjaCakes March 24th, 2013 11:08 PM

Re: What do you say?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by keekopeeko (Post 27222719)
Like when it comes up and you say "I'm going to try for a natural birth" and they rudely declare "oh you'll give up as soon as it gets intense!"

That's exactly the kind of thing I've had already - people telling me I'll want that epidural as soon as the contractions start, that natural birth is crazy, and that epidurals and inductions are not dangerous at all (because if they were, we would have heard about it from someone we know - uh HELLO, this isn't the center of the universe and uneducated opinions do not beat out research and evidence). I actually had one person laugh at me and (I'm sure what she thought was diplomatically) say that I'm naive and will change my mind when the time comes. NONE of these people attempted or even thought about natural birth. By their own words they went in planning to have an epidural, and some even asked and insisted on induction as soon as possible. So how do ANY of them know what it's like to attempt a natural birth, or how hard it is, when they walked in the door asking for drugs? How do ANY of them know what I am capable of when I haven't even tried yet?

What eats me up the most is that I listened to their labor and birth stories, and never once did I chime in to say, "You know inductions are really dangerous for babies," or "Epidurals and inductions tend to lead to longer, more difficult labors and increase the risk of complications." I respect their decisions because they have a right to them. Why do I not have a right to mine as well? And if I say something in defense of my decision - not in criticism of theirs - I'm just a naive fool who doesn't know anything. Why do they have a right to express their thoughts, but I do not have the same?

keekopeeko March 25th, 2013 08:38 AM

Re: What do you say?
 
Because you are a FTM mom and everyone thinks they know better... BUT.. They don't! You have done the research ! You do know what you want! So go get it! ... And you know what.. If you get the natural birth you have always wanted you can tell them you got it and always know for YOURSELF that you were strong and capable! ... ALSO I've known girls who wanted the natural birth and then ended up being induced and with csections because of pre E.. And I felt terrible about how much they blamed themselves... But really there ARE situations and times where you just have to let go.. Ad be thankful for a healthy baby and the times that medical interventions ARE an ok thing.. I'm just trying to say labor and delivery is unpredictable and do your research! And be strong! And I'll be rooting for you so much to get a natural delivery! (I'm in your DDC too)

NinjaCakes March 25th, 2013 11:35 AM

Re: What do you say?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by keekopeeko (Post 27226621)
I've known girls who wanted the natural birth and then ended up being induced and with csections because of pre E.. And I felt terrible about how much they blamed themselves.

That's got to be heartbreaking. Unfortunately we all know those interventions were created for a reason - sometimes they're needed. They're just a little abused these days. In the end I chose natural birth for my baby, not myself. If it's not what is best for her then it's not. As long as she comes out safe and sound and healthy :)

therevslady March 25th, 2013 07:30 PM

Re: What do you say?
 
I didn't have many doubters before I started out because I chose to keep my choices to myself. If anyone asked specifically, I would just say, "We'll see how it goes and just take it one contraction at a time." People spent more time questioning my choice of using a midwife and stuff like that. I really did just try not to talk about it.

Now it's no secret. I don't get doubters, but I get people who think I'm crazy. I don't really care though. I don't engage with people who seem to want to poke fun. I'll have earnest conversations with folks who really want to know more though.

daneeleigh March 26th, 2013 03:24 PM

Re: What do you say?
 
I've done a couple presentations at school so far with NCB and so far I haven't had any negative results. I start with my story and experience and then I go from there with facts to back up why I choose this route. I've had a few, "good for you but it's not for me" and that's fine. I'm just hoping to open my eyes to someone there. I also do this for breast feeding as well which I think everyone can do.

I think now that I've done it I don't get any negative comments anymore. What can they say to me lol? Before I did though, I got them all the time and just didn't talk to people about it.

Earthy.Mama April 2nd, 2013 01:17 PM

Re: What do you say?
 
"We live a very natural lifestyle in everything we do" -- I haven't really come across any doubters in my personal life. At least they've kept snide comments and opinions to themselves.

GranolaMamaOf3 April 7th, 2013 09:48 AM

Re: What do you say?
 
Typically I try to keep my opinion to myself, unless I've been asked or its an open conversation. Then I try to clear up misinformation and false statements by sharing simple scientific facts.

I've been in more than one group setting (baby shower, Tupperware party..) Where moms were raving on their epidurals and I just bit my tongue... And then someone pops in with "Heather is a doula and she has natural HOME births!" .....so with all eyes on me (some critical, some shocked, andsome intrigued) I just try to gently answer the big question they're all wanting to know; WHY?! And that's because, after doing a lot of research this was what my husband and I felt was the best option for our family. If further inquiries come, I answer them in a non judgmental, fact based manner. "Statistics show..."

Ultimately my biggest reason for going natural is a) I believe it is the safest and healthiest option for my baby. And b) women have been having natural births for as long as humans have been around. It just seems normal and right.

GranolaMamaOf3 April 7th, 2013 10:06 AM

Re: What do you say?
 
I guess because I was involved with doula work prior to having children I didn't get as many naysayers, just the typical "well good luck with that!" (accompanied by a look that said "you're crazy!") To which I simply smile and say "thank you".

To the one person who told me with my *second* baby (after already having had a successful NB) "Just go to the hospital and get the epidural. Its way easier!" I replied "its not about what's easiest. It's about what's best and healthiest for my baby!".

Memi April 7th, 2013 12:19 PM

Re: What do you say?
 
I don't like to hear people's criticism about my choices so I usually shut it down fairly quickly if they are being rude or "right fighters". I just tell them I've had the alternative "easy birth": the epidural, all of the unnecessary interventions, which led me to a c-section and then that absolutely WONDERFUL recovery. :sarcasm: I'm not interested in going that route again. My body=my pain=my choice. They don't need to worry about it. :whip: I don't like to mess around with it LOL!


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