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-   -   Who did you have with you? (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f257-natural-childbirth/2637688-who-did-you-have-you.html)

NinjaCakes March 25th, 2013 10:31 AM

Who did you have with you?
 
I've been thinking lately about who I'll have with me during delivery. I've considered and tossed out a lot of people. I'm just not that comfortable with anyone. Who attended your births?

keekopeeko March 25th, 2013 01:18 PM

Re: Who did you have with you?
 
#1 JUST DH.. I didn't even want people in the waiting room and made them wait a few hours to come visit..

#2 DH and my mom which was fine..

#3 DH and one of my sisters... She just watched and then took amazing photos

This one... I'm thinking DH and maybe my mom and maybe my sister too so she can take pictures again :) ..:

Counting our Blessings March 25th, 2013 01:21 PM

Re: Who did you have with you?
 
Just me and hubby :D

We'll the doctor as well. It's such a special time for hubby and I, we really don't want anyone else there.

Calendula March 25th, 2013 01:53 PM

Re: Who did you have with you?
 
My parents were both there, but they pretty much sat in the corner and kept quiet until it was time to push. They've been more hands on with my sisters, especially my mom, but all I wanted was to be in the shower with DH running the massager head on my back, so they made themselves scarce. Half the time I practically forgot they were even there. I didn't mind my parents being there, but I didn't need them. It is nice to have a backup if you have a birthing partner like my brothers-in-law who have trouble dealing with doctors/medical staff.

Don't let yourself be guilted into inviting anyone who won't be supportive, respectful and unobtrusive.

KtKuKi March 25th, 2013 02:41 PM

Re: Who did you have with you?
 
With dd, my mom and sister and dh, but this last time I just needed dh. My parents were there since it was their house, but they stayed upstairs and my mom came in just for the final pushes

AnnaBonana March 25th, 2013 03:00 PM

Re: Who did you have with you?
 
I'm not set on a person at this point but I am terrified of my mom being there. She's the last person in the world I will want while I am giving birth. She makes sarcastic comments and is not supportive at all of NCB. ("Birth plan? Birth plan!? The plan is that you go to the hospital and you have your baby whatever way they can get it out of you, that's your birth plan!")

However, that being said, I know she will be hurt and sad that I don't invite her and then There will be the guilt trip.

My plan as of now is to not tell her until we get home from the hospital. I do have one friend who is very supportive of NCB and it will be either her, DH, and MW; or a doula, DH, and MW.

AnnaBonana March 25th, 2013 03:00 PM

Re: Who did you have with you?
 
I'm not set on a person at this point but I am terrified of my mom being there. She's the last person in the world I will want while I am giving birth. She makes sarcastic comments and is not supportive at all of NCB. ("Birth plan? Birth plan!? The plan is that you go to the hospital and you have your baby whatever way they can get it out of you, that's your birth plan!")

However, that being said, I know she will be hurt and sad that I don't invite her and then There will be the guilt trip.

My plan as of now is to not tell her until we get home from the hospital. I do have one friend who is very supportive of NCB and it will be either her, DH, and MW; or a doula, DH, and MW.

therevslady March 25th, 2013 06:35 PM

Re: Who did you have with you?
 
#1 Me and hubs

#2 Me and hubs

#3 Me and hubs w/ doula and doula student

#4 Me and hubs w/ doula, doula student, birth photographer, daughter, and mother

I was hesitant about having my mom there. I am still torn over whether I should have invited her. I don't know what she got out of it. I know it only brought me stress and contributed to me having a labor twice as long as the rest. I really wanted her here, but I wanted her without her anxiety, stress, and baggage. She came with her baggage blazing. Ugh. I still can't decide if it was better than not having her here. I did have the baby eventually, but I worried so much about my mom that it was hard for me to let go and let labor...

ashj_1218 March 26th, 2013 11:18 AM

Re: Who did you have with you?
 
#1: DH and my mom
#2: DH, my mom, and a doula

I have found the person I need during labor is my mother. She is a great labor support and did way more for me than DH or the doula. We have opted out of a doula this time and my mom will be my main support. DH is just too freaked out for him to be useful in labor/delivery. I have also considered my aunt being present this time. She has two sons whose wives want nothing to do with her in the room (I understand, my MIL would be in my labor room over my dead body!) and I am close to her. I know it's something she wants to experience. So if it works out, she might be there too. She is supportive of my choices, so I am not worried about her being there.

CrochetingMama March 26th, 2013 01:20 PM

Re: Who did you have with you?
 
#1 - No one.

For this one, it will be my SO and the doula. Honestly, if I had it my way and didn't think I actually needed the doula...and could tell my SO to go away without him getting his knickers in a knot...it'd be just me again.

daneeleigh March 26th, 2013 02:13 PM

Re: Who did you have with you?
 
#1 - Dh, Doula, and Nana. I don't regret any person there and all provided a great part. My hubby and doula were awesome during labor and my Nana stepped in afterwards. She fed me and helped with bfing.

#2 - We're planning for DH, Doula, hopefully Nana again, and maybe my mother. Not sure if my mom will make it in town or not for the birth. I don't need her there but I know she'd love it. She's never seen a natural birth and I think she's become fascinated since I had Mason.

NinjaCakes March 26th, 2013 05:09 PM

Re: Who did you have with you?
 
You are all brave :eek: I would rather gnaw my own fingers off than have my mom in the room, and she has said she doesn't think she could be there anyway. She vomited when I got my lip pierced.

I honestly don't know anyone who would be supportive, and that's my hold up. I'm essentially going to be doing this alone. BF is very intimidated by the entire thing so I'm not writing him down on the list of people who will be much help. I would definitely like for someone to be there to take pictures, if nothing else (also not in BF's skill set). I'm willing to give it a try for that reason alone. But if it's someone who is going to pressure me for something I don't want then it doesn't seem worth it, and nobody has been supportive thus far.

Calendula March 27th, 2013 04:47 PM

Re: Who did you have with you?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by NinjaCakes (Post 27232306)
You are all brave :eek: I would rather gnaw my own fingers off than have my mom in the room, and she has said she doesn't think she could be there anyway. She vomited when I got my lip pierced.

After some really terrible births, my parents ended their long baby-making careers (11 kids) as big proponents of NCB and Midwives. If they were not supportive of NCB, I would have asked them to wait in the waiting room and just had DH there. I also had the benefit of several sisters having them attend their births before me and giving them good reviews on knowing when to step in and play a role and when to stay out of it. My relationship with my mother isn't always the best, but she is very intuitive, experienced and supportive when it comes to giving birth.

Earthy.Mama April 3rd, 2013 05:57 AM

Re: Who did you have with you?
 
Kailey Labor - I had my parents, DH's parents, my sister, her hubby and their baby, DH's sisters and their kids... and MW.

Kailey Delivery - DH, mom, sister, MW.

Nola Labor/Delivery - DH, MW, MW assistant and then Kailey as she woke up and saw the last part of labor and me pushing.

ashj_1218 April 3rd, 2013 11:23 AM

Re: Who did you have with you?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by NinjaCakes (Post 27232306)
You are all brave :eek: I would rather gnaw my own fingers off than have my mom in the room, and she has said she doesn't think she could be there anyway. She vomited when I got my lip pierced.

I honestly don't know anyone who would be supportive, and that's my hold up. I'm essentially going to be doing this alone. BF is very intimidated by the entire thing so I'm not writing him down on the list of people who will be much help. I would definitely like for someone to be there to take pictures, if nothing else (also not in BF's skill set). I'm willing to give it a try for that reason alone. But if it's someone who is going to pressure me for something I don't want then it doesn't seem worth it, and nobody has been supportive thus far.

Yeah, that is really tough. You don't want someone in there who will add to your level of stress instead of detract from it. Vomiting mothers aren't exactly stress free.

FWIW: your BF *might* surprise you. I have seen it happen, where they really end up stepping up and being helpful. My DH was gung-ho and never expressed any hesitation about any of it...and then completely pancaked both times during labor and delivery. He basically would have been more help out in the hallway pacing the floors! But after the first time, I sort of expected it.

I think in your situation, a doula is an essential. They can really be helpful for some people. And given you don't know HOW you will be in labor (some women are very internal, some need lots of physical support, some need tons of emotional support, etc) it would be really important to have someone who can cover a wide range of needs and be very skilled at doing so.

sis_sweetpea April 3rd, 2013 06:26 PM

Re: Who did you have with you?
 
There were entirely too many people in the room with me last time. I don't know how I didn't put them all out and it's a miracle I didn't end up with an epidural with all of them there. It was my mom, grandmother, aunt, and best friend. It feels like there were more, but maybe they were just annoying me.

This time, it will be my bf (if we're still together, if not, my mom), and a doula. Everyone else can come see the baby after.

allmylove April 4th, 2013 10:36 AM

Re: Who did you have with you?
 
Just me and my husband. Well, the OB and a nurse were present, but not doing anything. ;)

MissusF April 6th, 2013 10:56 PM

Re: Who did you have with you?
 
I had DH, my midwife, her assistant, my doula and a photographer present for Claire's birth. I would like the same lineup for my next birth and possibly dd, depending on how old she is and how I think she'd react to it.


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