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-   -   Annoyed and Offended (Rant) (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f257-natural-childbirth/2644517-annoyed-and-offended-rant.html)

alittlelost April 19th, 2013 02:27 PM

Annoyed and Offended (Rant)
 
So, I have this friend who I think wants a healthy natural pregnancy and delivery, but she's clearly a bit uneducated about it, and so is her mom, so they end up saying things that are offensive to me. Maybe I'm just being pregnancy hormonal.

For example, when she posted she was 39 weeks or something, I said, "Any day now" ya know, by means of encouragement. And she says "Well, we don't want the baby to come before due date." I didn't ask why she felt that way, but I did say, "I hope he doesn't, then! but at least you know that he will come when he's ready now and will be a healthy gestation no matter what." and I told her about how when the lungs mature it releases a protein in our bodies that sends us into labor--that's how our body knows our baby is "fully cooked" and that's why going into labor naturally at 37 weeks is usually fine, the closer to 40 weeks being the better, of course.

anyway, so she hits her due date, and now every day she is posting that she hopes he will come soon. Naturally. But I just don't understand why she DIDN'T want him to come at 39 weeks and 6 days, but at 40 weeks, she wants him to come. I feel like if she understood how our bodies and labor and the baby's development all work together, she'd be fine with him coming ANYTIME that he is ready, whether that's at 38 weeks or 42 weeks or whatever. Mind you, maybe I am grouchy because my babies were all born at 35-37 weeks (in perfect health) but it made me feel like they think it's a BAD thing if your baby comes before exactly 40 weeks.

But none of that really bothered me until recently they were talking about ways to naturally induce labor, such as going for walks (which is great!) and I said she might also want to try evening primrose oil. I explained it doesn't induce labor but it will get her cervix ready to labor and help her cervix respond better to contractions.

Her mom's response?

"I think she should listen to her Mom and Aunt, we don't want her to take anything, especially oil tablets, we don't want the baby to shoot across the room, just come naturally!! O.K.???"

That just bugged me. Like mamas who use EPO aren't having their baby's naturally? I think she just doesn't know what she is talking about and is maybe confusing EPO with Castor Oil. Keep in mind, this friend "had" to be MEDICALLY INDUCED with her last baby. I would think EPO to help prepare cervix in order to help prevent your doctor suggesting/pressuring you into a pitocin induction wouldn't be the worst idea in the world. Maybe I'm just preggo hormonal but it felt like there were being all high and mighty about what natural is, when IMO they clearly don't know what they are talking about. I'm not saying every mama should use EPO, but using EPO doesn't mean you aren't having baby naturally or that baby is going to "shoot across the room". And "we don't want her taking anything, ESPECIALLY oil tablets" makes it sound like they think EPO is the equivalent of an epidural or crack-cocaine or something, which is really just IMO offensive toward people who do use those COMPLETELY NATURAL options to help prepare their bodies.

sorry to vent, but I thought maybe you ladies would understand.

therevslady April 19th, 2013 03:53 PM

Re: Annoyed and Offended (Rant)
 
Yeah, that's hard. Sometimes I find the need to hide that sort of stuff. When you have spent so much time studying and putting energy into something, it's hard not to share your knowledge. But, I guess to put this delicately, even the best advice can come unwarranted. Sometimes a better way of introducing the topic is saying things like, "Let me know if you'd like to know some of my thoughts, I've read a lot about this topic" or "I have some great ideas and would love to share them if you are interested" or "There are a lot of studies that mention some great ways to ready your self for labor, PM me if you are interested!" That way the level of conversation and everything is lead by the other person and you can meet them at their comfort level. Also in private, away from prying eyes of family members who always think they know more than all of the doctors combined in the world.

And it's ok to be emotional about this. This is a topic that obviously means a lot for you. It is personal for you, especially right now. Especially if you care a lot for your friend and want good things for them. Here is a great article to read though... I think it's great for us natural birthers to read: http://mamabirth.blogspot.com/2011/1...bad-birth.html

alittlelost April 19th, 2013 04:05 PM

Re: Annoyed and Offended (Rant)
 
Thanks so much! I didn't even think to offer the PM thing, mostly because I saw everyone else making suggestions that were natural. I just don't understand how someone can say they want their child to have a natural childbirth, but then be totally fine with pitocin but not EPO. I would think if you want a NCB to the point you wouldn't even use EPO, you wouldn't be having a HOSPITAL birth. I'm glad you gave me a better idea of how to handle situations like this in the future.

Memi April 19th, 2013 07:35 PM

Re: Annoyed and Offended (Rant)
 
IMO you tried and that's all you can do. Some people just don't want to gain any information so just let them be. If anything I may send her a PM and just explain how EPO works or link her to an article on it and let it be. But yea I think that would rub me the wrong way as well.

I once commented on a friend's status who was ASKING for experience from mom's who cloth diaper. I was rampaged by her family, most of which were child-less cousins, about how not to listen to me because that was just disgusting! Altho I knew their opinions didn't matter to me, I was insulted.

alittlelost April 19th, 2013 08:30 PM

Re: Annoyed and Offended (Rant)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Memi (Post 27300595)
IMO you tried and that's all you can do. Some people just don't want to gain any information so just let them be. If anything I may send her a PM and just explain how EPO works or link her to an article on it and let it be. But yea I think that would rub me the wrong way as well.

I once commented on a friend's status who was ASKING for experience from mom's who cloth diaper. I was rampaged by her family, most of which were child-less cousins, about how not to listen to me because that was just disgusting! Altho I knew their opinions didn't matter to me, I was insulted.


Thanks for understanding! I actually NEVER comment on other people's birth choices on Facebook. I know people who get inductions for convenience, people who get c-sections because they don't feel like pushing, you name it. I just stay out of it. I only commented because I assumed she wanted a natural birth because she wanted to wait until she reached her due date (which her anxiety about not going a day before her due date made me think maybe she wasn't totally educated about things, but clued me in that she wanted a natural childbirth, and I know she's been induced in the past for going past her due date). And then I saw all the comments about going for a walk, and running up a flight of stairs, ETC (personally, I think running up a flight of stairs is potentially more dangerous than EPO taken at 40 weeks..., because of the risk of falling, but that's JMO and I didn't say so!) Anyway, I NEVER would have mentioned the EPO thing if I realized their idea of natural labor was doing NOTHING to prepare your body and then expecting baby to come at exactly 40 weeks, not a day later and not a day sooner. If I had known that was their thinking, I would have kept my big trap shut. Lesson learned, though, and now I know a better way to offer information in the future.

And yeah, sometimes you offer an option (such as a diapering option) with NO judgment to other options, and then people still have to be judgmental toward the option you choose. Yeah, it can be insulting. I don't think expecting respect for the respect you give is too much to ask for! It's a shame to feel like you have to walk on eggshells while other people can spout off any ole nonsense they want.

NinjaCakes April 19th, 2013 08:44 PM

Re: Annoyed and Offended (Rant)
 
Um.. :blink:

Even when I was relatively ignorant of natural birth, I knew of EPO as a natural induction alternative, if not how it worked or why. Do they think "oil" means it works like WD40 on a greasy hinge? That it will make the baby slide out like a wet eel? :lol:

Regardless, do mom and aunt really believe they hold all of the possible knowledge of birthing in their combined brains? That nobody else could possibly know something they don't? I'm guessing it has been a while since either of them flung a baby out of their vaginas. I don't really understand why they wouldn't want her to be UTD in all of her information and to do research for herself.

Ditto on the mutual respect bit. I hate that people simply cannot grasp that concept these days.

daneeleigh April 19th, 2013 10:26 PM

Re: Annoyed and Offended (Rant)
 
I used EPO for weeks and my baby took 11.5 hours to "shoot out" lol. It did only take 5 pushes so it must have been that EPO :rolleyes:.

I went to Teavana today cause I've always wanted to look around in there. I asked if they had Red Raspberry Leaf tea just cause I was curious. The sales girl looked at me startled and said, "Oh NO! We can't sell that one in California, it causes women to go into labor!" I laughed and was like, do what? She was serious and continued to lecture me on the risks of RRL tea. I just laughed and told her thanks and that I'll get it from Amazon.

alittlelost April 20th, 2013 07:00 AM

Re: Annoyed and Offended (Rant)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by daneeleigh (Post 27300784)
I used EPO for weeks and my baby took 11.5 hours to "shoot out" lol. It did only take 5 pushes so it must have been that EPO :rolleyes:.

I went to Teavana today cause I've always wanted to look around in there. I asked if they had Red Raspberry Leaf tea just cause I was curious. The sales girl looked at me startled and said, "Oh NO! We can't sell that one in California, it causes women to go into labor!" I laughed and was like, do what? She was serious and continued to lecture me on the risks of RRL tea. I just laughed and told her thanks and that I'll get it from Amazon.

LMAO! I can only think that they must be confusing castor oil with EPO. Not that castor oil makes the baby shoot out either, but you really can't compare the two. I was just so bugged that they were making it sound like using EPO isn't part of a natural birth option. I totally respect if someone doesn't want to use it, but lets not be down on those who have! I personally think that for some people who chose to use it, it's a good measure to take to prepare their body (cervix) to respond well to labor/contractions.

alittlelost April 22nd, 2013 11:42 AM

Re: Annoyed and Offended (Rant)
 
SO, all that talk from her mom about how they want the baby to come "naturally" (which means no evening primrose oil, ya know, because they don't want the baby to shoot across the room, and EPO is SOOOOO unnatural) . . . and now it turns out my friend is being INDUCED tomorrow. Yeah, pitocin, the natural choice. Definitely more natural than evening primrose oil.

Sorry, it just burns my biscuits, and NOT because I'm against people using pitocin when they need it NOR because I am against people not using EPO, but because I can't understand how people can act like EPO is the devil and an "un" natural, and then go use PITOCIN, as though that is natural and EPO is not.

It makes me sad too about the lack of birth-education, where people in our country actually think EPO is more dangerous than Pitocin (apparently). It's not my birth, and I'm just happy for her to be meeting her son finally--she's been through a lot to get to this point. I'm not upset with my friend, either. I'm just annoyed by her mom. Thanks for letting me vent.


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