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-   -   What do you all think about this article? (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f257-natural-childbirth/2680282-what-do-you-all-think-about-article.html)

Quantum_Leap September 20th, 2013 12:14 PM

What do you all think about this article?
 
I know I actually haven't posted on this board in a long time. (Even though I used to be a regular member when I was pregnant with DS #2, and am now planning my second natural home birth). But I came across this article on my FB feed this morning and thought some of you might find it interesting. (Warning -- there's some profanity in the title).

http://muthamagazine.com/2013/09/s-l...-****-ina-may/

The basic gist of it is that natural childbirth does, in fact, hurt like heck, and can be really ugly and messy. That doesn't mean that it's not worth going for, but it does mean that maybe we shouldn't go into expecting sunshine and roses and orgasmic transcendent experiences.

My favorite quote:

Quote:

But I think something has been lost to women everywhere these days between the ”Hook me up with the epidural before I feel a single thing!” camp and the “I shall silently channel my female ancestors and squat down over a pile of sacred leaves” team. I think we are lacking the active cultivation of support between women and a closeness with the reality of life’s ugliest beautiful moments. I now feel more kinship with my grandmother, whose voice lowers, then rises two octaves remembering birthing her five, four of them at home, when she says “Ohhhhh, that pain!” I wish I had held her experience closer instead of thinking that I was going to be above it, to chant it away. That would have been better for me, and more in keeping with how I want to be in life, really. I wish I’d invited my whole broken self into the room.
What do the rest of you think?

Kelllilee September 21st, 2013 09:17 AM

Re: What do you all think about this article?
 
I don't know any woman who goes into a planned NCB thinking it's going to be all sunshine and roses. Everyone I talk to has realistic expectations of the pain as well as coping techniques... The link didn't work, so I couldn't read the article though

Quantum_Leap September 21st, 2013 09:41 AM

Re: What do you all think about this article?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Kelllilee (Post 27670526)
I don't know any woman who goes into a planned NCB thinking it's going to be all sunshine and roses. Everyone I talk to has realistic expectations of the pain as well as coping techniques... The link didn't work, so I couldn't read the article though

Ugh, it's blocking out the profanity in the URL, which is why the article won't open. See if this works:

This is the link to the article

Anyway, I just thought that the way this writer described her expectations for her birth experience, and then the contrast with her actual birth experience, was very moving. It's a very honest blog that I personally find very relatable.

Nope, the link still won't work. If you want to open it you have to take out the asterisks and replace them with the F word.

daneeleigh September 23rd, 2013 10:27 PM

Re: What do you all think about this article?
 
I searched and found it. I absolutely relate to what she was saying. I read 50 million birth stories before I had my son and totally thought I was going to have a beautiful peaceful experience with candles and music lol. Not! I wrote my birth story as raw and real as I could to show that labor can be difficult and painful but still rewarding. I feel more prepared this time but still fearful.

AlaskaMom September 24th, 2013 12:56 PM

Re: What do you all think about this article?
 
Oh wow I loved that article. It about made me cry. My son's birth was easier than that one (I think? Maybe I just don't remember anymore.) but still I absolutely relate to what she is saying. I prepared with hypnobabies. My midwives warned me that I should be willing to take that program with a grain of salt because they had seen too many women feel disappointed with themselves that they "failed" to have a "pain free" labor. My labor was not pain free. It was very fast--just about 2 hours from arrival at the birth center at 5 cm to baby in my arms. It was so indescribably intense. I described it afterwards like riding on the front end of a freight train going 150 miles per hour and all I could do was hold on for dear life. And I DID feel like a bit of a failure for not being perfectly "in control" the whole time. Now I am pregnant with my second and I am trying so hard not to saddle myself with a bunch of expectations about how I should be a better peaceful earth mother next time.

The truth is, I think it's fair to say my freight train labor was just about perfect and so was the one this woman describes. Maybe it can be pain free for some people and good for them, but that's not a requirement. I wouldn't have missed the experience for anything and I'll be doing it the same way, by myself, med free, this time around for sure.

One thing that really stood out for me in this article was how WONDERFUL it was for me to be in a quiet birth center instead of this hospital experience with surly nurses and bright lights and monitors attached and all that. I had nobody there but my husband and my midwife and they both pretty much left me alone and that felt absolutely right. I'd have been yelling my head off at anyone who tried to distract me from the work I was doing or tell me to do it "their way!"

NinjaCakes September 24th, 2013 02:17 PM

Re: What do you all think about this article?
 
I'm on my phone so I can't read the post right now, but the snippet you quoted is right. There is this huge gap between women who believe in birthing different ways instead of women supporting each other in every kind of birth. Of course there are good reasons for that sometimes - the insane rise of dangerous elective procedures - but overall I don't understand why the majority of mother's can't say to each her own and support a birthing woman simply for what she is doing.

Honestly I had no specific expectations about birth (other than that it would be painful) because if birth stories taught me anything it was that birth is unpredictable. I kind of went in with an "I'll do what feels right at the time" approach. That being said, it was easier than I expected. It was actually not that painful, transition being the hardest and I was already in it for a while without knowing it. The breathing exercises got me through. My major surprise was dealing with the medical staff rather than labor and delivery. I expected support from my doctor and resistance from the hospital staff and I got the exact opposite.

MissusF September 25th, 2013 09:43 PM

Re: What do you all think about this article?
 
LOVE the article. I feel like I had a somewhat unrealistic idea of what birth would be like. I used Hypnobabies and I remember the videos I was shown in class of women going through transition looking like they were asleep. All of them were so calm, quiet and relaxed looking. I did not think that it would quite that easy for me but it was definitely more painful that I had anticipated. I remember wallowing around in my birth pool in transition and making a mental list of all the things I would have to do before I could get to the hospital and get an epidural (get out of the tub, dry off, put on some sort of clothes, get to the car, ride in the car all the way to the hospital, get checked in, get into a room, have them page the anesthesiologist, wait for him to show up, etc, etc...) I knew at that point there was no way I could do any of that with the amount of pain I was in and I was stuck at home. But yes, I definitely fell apart during transition and I was somewhat embarrassed about it. I felt vulnerable and helpless during part of my birth and I even felt like I was somehow letting my Hypnobabies instructor (who was at my birth) down in some way because I wasn't laboring like the women in the videos. Now I know that was not the case at all but it felt like it at the time. I loved Hypnobabies but I do feel that it, along with some of the other NCB resources I used, may have left me with an overly romanticized birth a bit.

ashj_1218 October 1st, 2013 07:08 PM

Re: What do you all think about this article?
 
For me, things happened backward, but I think I ultimately ended in a similar place. My first WAS the birth I never knew I wanted. I never read a single thing before I went into labor with him. Not one book or story on birthing, on purpose. I figured I would do what was needed as it was needed. And his birth was pretty easy, gentle, and affirming.

My problems came into play after him, with my second. I assumed that if I handled my first, a long, long labor and my first child, I would rock a second birth. I could be all earth mama. I read tons of affirming stories (Ina May included) sure that I had birth handled. And walked into a train wreck. I felt the same way this woman describes. Angry, out of control, wanting to scream (and occasionally actually screaming), panicky, desperate. It was a bit terrifying and I felt I was somehow failing my son and myself (and my useless doula) by being so crazy. It hurt like non-other. Nothing I imagined it would be like.

So I do totally get what she is saying. It really can be ugly in many ways. Expectations are troublesome!

NinjaCakes October 4th, 2013 01:37 AM

Re: What do you all think about this article?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MissusF (Post 27681300)
I felt vulnerable and helpless during part of my birth and I even felt like I was somehow letting my Hypnobabies instructor (who was at my birth) down in some way because I wasn't laboring like the women in the videos. Now I know that was not the case at all but it felt like it at the time.

This resonates with me. At the time I felt overwhelmed (I didn't know I was in transition), felt like I was doing poorly, but everyone told me they hadn't seen any woman handle it so well in a long time and I was doing great. I remember half laughing, "I don't feel like I am!"

marysinc October 24th, 2013 03:28 AM

Re: What do you all think about this article?
 
The basic gist of it is that natural childbirth does, in fact, hurt like heck, and can be really ugly and messy. That doesn't mean that it's not worth going for, but it does mean that maybe we shouldn't go into expecting sunshine and roses and orgasmic transcendent experiences.

My favorite quote:



What do the rest of you think?[/QUOTE]

Does anyone really expect it to all be sunshine and roses?


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