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Effervescence May 7th, 2013 11:28 AM

Hurt Feelings by Comments
 
It really makes me feel badly when someone says I don't even look pregnant. First of all, I'm only 15 weeks, what are they expecting me to look like, a blimp? Also, I have had strangers ask me when I'm due. When I was running on Sunday, someone passing me said "Looking good Mama, doing both bodies good!" So people can TELL I'm pregnant and that's more than could be said when I was 36 weeks with my son! Yet those close to me think they are complimenting me when they say I don't look pregnant.

Now, when I saw my friends at the funeral I told you all about earlier, some of them said they couldn't tell at first glance. That was fine because I had hidden it with a suit jacket. If I had just worn my dress without the jacket, the bump would have been very visible, and I was trying to tone it down for the sake of my friend who had just lost her infant. My friend who is 29 weeks did the same although obviously you could still see hers. We didn't want to be flaunting our pregnant bellies when our friend was suffering the loss of her own baby. So that was fine, that was how I wanted it.

But then my mom was telling me how I don't even look like I'm pregnant at all. So yeah thanks, I just look like I have a huge @$#@ muffin top. Awesome mom thanks. I said "Mom, I'm only 15 weeks!" She said "Oh hon, I was HUGE." So anyway, yea thanks again, I don't fit into any of my clothes but apparently I just look fat to everyone. No really, that's cool, I needed to tone down my body image a little (sarcasm)

Then at play group someone had brought in baby clothes for a swap. I was going through them, looking for some neural sleepers because we never seem to have enough sleepers for the baby stage. One of the girls asked why I was looking at baby clothes, I said because I'll be having one in October/November. She said really, you don't look it! I said eh, I'm only a few months along. She said "Well sometimes overweight women don't show a whole lot anyway." GEE THANKS A TON!!! No really, I've been busting my @#@$ to get to a size 6 instead of a size 18 (I recently lost a TON TON TON of weight) and I'm already uncomfortable with my body getting bigger again, so please tell me again that I'm still fat.

UGH PEOPLE!!!

Sorry, I've been bottling that up for about two weeks now! Has anyone made insensitive comments to you without thinking, when they were actually meaning to make you feel better about it?

joonzgurl May 7th, 2013 11:32 AM

Re: Hurt Feelings by Comments
 
"Well sometimes overweight women don't show a whole lot anyway."

What???? OMG I would be soooooo mad!!!!

Congrats on all your weight loss, that is wonderful!!!
I haven't been on this board in a long time (or on Jm really) and just wanted to comment because I happened to see this. I know how you feel. I am overweight and don't show too much. I try to wear clothes that accent any bump I have.

Try not to let it get to you! I know it's hard.

fludderbye May 7th, 2013 11:59 AM

Re: Hurt Feelings by Comments
 
First off I dont get the whole over weight comment size 6 over weight ?? any way

I seem to be in this cycle where i lose a bunch of my weight only to get pregnant LOL & gain it back so i always feel fat..

But reading your post it seems your not happy when people say you look prgnent and your not happy when people say you dont look pregnant ???

sooo what do you want them to say-

i trully think those who say you dont look pregant are NOT saying you just look fat.....I think they mean well....you maybe just a little sensative to it bacause of all the weight loss...


i mean no offense I am just trying to help {{{hugs}}}

gRod May 7th, 2013 12:04 PM

Re: Hurt Feelings by Comments
 
Sometimes it doesnt matter what people say...if your head is in the wrong place you are going to take it wrong. Embrace whatever you have going down in that belly....whether it is a little bump or you look like you are caryying triplets. You know that baby is safe and loved...that is all the freaking matters!!!!

Once that baby is carried safely into this world...get back to working your *** off...then I can be jealous of your will and size 6 skinny jeans! ;)

XOXO

Effervescence May 7th, 2013 12:08 PM

Re: Hurt Feelings by Comments
 
No, I don't mind if people say I look pregnant. At the funeral I was just trying to cover it up a bit more so I didn't mind so much when some friends told me they couldn't tell at first glance. The funeral was for a three week old premie, so I was trying to hide my belly under a suit in that instance. If someone had said there that I looked pregnant then I wouldn't have minded, I just thought it would be better to cover the belly up given the circumstances of those grieving. It made me feel proud when that other runner could notice and commented. My point there was that strangers can see it, so why do close friends and family say they can't?

It's not a HUGE deal, it's just that it makes me feel a little bad when people say things like that, because there's a definite belly there, so if I don't look pregnant... what do I look like?

Jackie1122 May 7th, 2013 01:02 PM

Re: Hurt Feelings by Comments
 
First of all, the overweight comment was definitely crossing the line! I think I would have really struggled to not reach out and knock them upside the head. As far as the other comments go, I find them very annoying as well. I learned after my first pregnancy that when people don't really know what to say, they comment on your size or babies size. Most of the time they don't have a clue. I would run into someone and they would tell me how big I was and I look like I am ready to pop, and 1 hour later someone else would tell me that I was really small considering how far along I am. At first the comments worried me and I was thinking "am I gaining too much?" or "Is something wrong with the baby?" but in the end everything was fine. People even made comments about how tiny my son was, and asked if he came early. He was 8lb 5 oz and definitely not small, so just goes to show that most people making comments really have no freaking clue. As long as your doctor says things are good, that's all that matters even though the comments are frustrating.

Wren May 7th, 2013 01:06 PM

Re: Hurt Feelings by Comments
 
I am at 15 weeks to, and I think some days I look pregnant and some days I just look like my normal self (Mostly thin but with a little pot belly that I've had since giving birth to my first daughter.) When I wear an obvious maternity top I look pregnant, but if I am in a loose t-shirt I don't think you can really tell. Probably people mean it as a compliment or are just making small talk, but people in general need to not make comments about other people's bodies because it rarely is taken well.

Iluvmybabies* May 7th, 2013 01:27 PM

Re: Hurt Feelings by Comments
 
I'm sorry Hun people really need to keep there mouths shut ugggg

Lemon May 7th, 2013 02:01 PM

That is SO rude!!! :hug:

SierraWinter May 7th, 2013 02:07 PM

Re: Hurt Feelings by Comments
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Effervescence (Post 27346232)
"Well sometimes overweight women don't show a whole lot anyway." GEE THANKS A TON!!!

That calls for a b!tch slap!

I've had people tell me I dont look pregnant, I think they are trying to make me feel good saying I dont look big yet. DH said it a few days ago and I finally asked "so you're saying I look fat instead?? Does this look like a beer belly hanging out??" Considering how big my belly has gotten! It made him think about what he was saying and zip it.

Effervescence May 7th, 2013 02:41 PM

Re: Hurt Feelings by Comments
 
LOL I know it sounds like I am whining, but really I just wanted to vent a little about something that was irking me. It isn't consuming me or anything, just to make that clear :)

I just wish people would think a little before speaking and be a little mindful of how it sounds to the other person. I know that I've probably said som daft things to people in not knowing what to say about a situation, but I try to be more mindful now.

Allisonjuly May 7th, 2013 03:06 PM

Re: Hurt Feelings by Comments
 
Even though I popped and I'm almost 18 weeks no one can tell I'm pg. I know I just look like I have a pot belly.

cooper1414 May 7th, 2013 03:59 PM

Re: Hurt Feelings by Comments
 
People can be so unbelievable sometimes! Really? She said you were overweight? WOW, the nerve!

ILoveStorm2011 May 7th, 2013 04:27 PM

Re: Hurt Feelings by Comments
 
I've learned really quickly that people seem to forget or have no idea what you're supposed to look like at whatever week! People will say oh your so small or oh your so big and they just dont know sometimes!

jennyrae03 May 7th, 2013 04:42 PM

Re: Hurt Feelings by Comments
 
I haven't really had anybody say anything to me so I can't relate on that front, but I feel like I put myself down a lot because of how I look. I hardly have a baby bump, but definitely look like I have gained a few pounds. I just look chubby, I guess. It bothers me, and I am always referring to myself as fat. It's hard, when you've tried really hard to lose weight and get to a point where you feel good about yourself, and then you start gaining weight again! I try to tell myself that I'm gaining weight for A BABY but sometimes I just feel super pudgy.

Irshtripletsmommy May 7th, 2013 04:59 PM

Re: Hurt Feelings by Comments
 
Ugh, people can be sooo rude!! What is wrong with them? I wish I could just smack people like that in the face. My daughter said to me "I knew you were pregnant because you've been getting so fat!" I let that slide because she's only 9 LOL.

Dolly Lama May 7th, 2013 05:24 PM

Re: Hurt Feelings by Comments
 
Quote:

I've had people tell me I dont look pregnant, I think they are trying to make me feel good saying I dont look big yet.
I think this is pretty common.

If I had worked as hard as you had to get in shape, the weight comment would have royally p*ssed me off though! I certainly will be following you when it comes to losing weight after the baby - you obviously know what you're doing. :)

Many of us are in that in between stage where people aren't quite sure what's going on. Hang in there - your obviously pregnant belly is on its way!

iCathy May 7th, 2013 08:28 PM

Re: Hurt Feelings by Comments
 
You can't really tell I'm pg either, but I did have a co-worker tell me how nicely my FACE was filling out...uhh, so now my face is fat? lol,Bothered me for days!!


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