I want to quit work (can't do that...I work for insurance)...I don't really care about the students.
That's not true.
But I have demanding parents, and the more I give, the more they want. I just don't want to give any more. I have 5 students, all on their own curriculum. Three have to have daily restraints, so more people have to be in my classroom because I am NOT going to touch them being pregnant.
I want my mom to tell me that either way, God is in control and I need to give up the fight, but I can't.
I don't want to be happy about being pregnant and so many of my sisters in grief be SO sad.
If I could tell them that being pregnant doesn't take away an inch of the grief, I would. But it'd sound arrogant coming from me.
(who just realized that she's a walking advertisement for pregnancy hormones and meds.)
No sweetie, it doesn't sound arrogant. I know that no matter what our innocence is gone regarding a "normal, healthy and happy" pregnancy. I know that the fear will always be there because there will always be the "what if it happens again" thought. So, you should say that you still miss your angel- others may need to hear that the love doesn't diminish just because you are pregnant again. Those who don't like hearing it may simply not be ready to hear it yet.
I am so sorry that you are going through this without your mom. Even though she is not here to say it for you I will----- God is in control and you need to give up the fight!!!!! It is so hard when you are used to being in control, but you can't fight now, you can only love. You can love your lost angel, your mom and your newest addition all at the same time. I know you miss your mom and I am sure she is with you right now. Bless you and I hope those hormones don't make you lose sight of who you are and what you will be!!!!
Thank you, Heather. I needed to hear that.
I am so sorry for your loss. I'm trying to get back into the boards, and haven't had the honor and unfortunate duty of welcoming you to the board.
Thanks for sounding like Mom. She was a pain in the butt, but she could always set it straight :P
No problem. Why is it always the people that are such a pains in the behind that we miss the most??? Probably because they are the only ones that are ever honest enough to speak the absolute truth!!! The truth is sometimes hard to hear, but it sure makes sense when you need it.
You can know that your mom is there with you when you hear her voice in your head. It is that nagging little voice that gets louder and louder each time you ignore it. :) You are so blessed to have had a mother that would speak the truth to you. So many people go through life being told what they want to hear. But the beatuiful part is that your mom is right- give the fight to God and your troubles will be taken care of.
I hope you have a great evening and a healthy pregnancy!!! I will be thinking about you!!!
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