The year before last (2012), I found out I was pregnant, due July 4th. We were nervous, but elated. Given we both have older children by other marriages, this was a bit of a stretch, but we were so excited to be expecting a child formed as a result of our love.
First ultrasound was performed at a Pregnancy Care Center. I learned that I have an extremely retroverted uterus...and it was difficult for them to get a good scan. They said my dates were off, according to my LMP, but that there are a lot of reasons this can occur. I left feeling bewildered because I was expecting to hear my babies heartbeat. This launched the beginning of many, many tests and ultrasound scans...to determine the destiny of our little baby.
Every week it was waiting and testing...more waiting and scanning. I scoured the internet for answers. My doctor was really insensitive...because of my retroverted uterus, I didn't feel comfortable in moving forward with a D & C...I didn't want to be left with any doubts.
This continued for 8 long grueling weeks...and finally, just 2 days before Christmas in 2012 my bleeding started. It was excruciating, even with strong medication...and it lasted more than 5 days. When I went in to check to see if I had expelled everything -- my doctor was very rough and when I told him I was still in a lot of pain...he was less than empathetic. I just wanted it all to be over...We buried what we believe to be our little girl and named her Andolynn Skye.
It was so surreal. I wanted to curl up in my bed and pull the covers over my head. We recently purchased a kit to make a marker for her grave. I think that will continue helping with the healing process.
My due date came and the waves of sadness came over me. I think I will always be sad, but it does get easier.
Fast forward...on Dec 16th 2013 (just this past Dec), I decided to test because I wasn't feeling like myself the weekend prior...and sure enough, a very faint positive test. I called the doctor and went to the lab and their urine test showed a definite negative. Confused, because I had done not one, but two tests at home, I researched the possibility of a false positive. I found that the tests that have a blue test line sometimes show a faint line...so I purchased a pack of First Response Early Tests and immediately with both tests, the positive line appeared. I contacted the doctor back and returned to the lab on Dec 19th...test showed positive HCG of 114. Pregnant! Estimated Due Date: August 26th -- My mom's birthday!
I was excited, but admittedly nervous because of my traumatic experience the year prior. I just went for a scan at what I believed to be my 7th week...no heartbeat and measuring 5 weeks 3 days. It feels like my nightmare is happening all over again...now I am in that waiting period...testing, scanning, and waiting.
I am so incredibly sad. Why is this happening. I am not cramping, bleeding, nothing! Boobs still hurt, still tired and my HCG tested 7830 this week! I thought missed miscarriages were uncommon -- well, apparently not with me. The doctor's nurse tried to reassure me, but I know my dates and my body and I feel like it is happening again.
Any advice...words of comfort...or personal stories that I can relate to would be much appreciated. Thank you for listening to my story!
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