Amanda E's PCOS Journal
This is a neat board... it's always helpful to get your experiences and feelings out somewhere!
My name is Amanda and I'm 28 years old, 29 in September. I've been married to my second husband for 11 months. We will celebrate our 1st anniversary on July 5th- time flies! I have no children, yet.
I was not diagnosed with PCOS until I was about 19 or 20, but had symptoms since I was a young teen. I was in and out of doctor's offices only to be told, well some girls just have trouble with their cycles. My PCOS symptoms are: unwanted hair (facial since I was a teen and has recently started spreading to other parts of my body- lovely) and irregular cycles. It is tough for me to lose weight, but I react well to low-sugar foods due to the insulin resistence. I do not have diabetes but my doctors like me to follow a low-sugar diet.
Dealing with unwanted hair has been very traumatic for me and has affected so many areas of my life, my self esteem was shot and has thus affected relationships throughout my life. I was teased in Jr. High and called, "The Bearded Lady." I used to wear my hair parted in the middle and straight down over my cheeks so my neck wouldn't show. I wouldn't talk to many people. One doctor told me just to shave my neck because there was nothing he could do. So, I did reluctantly. My jaw and neck began to look just like a mans, for years, until I discovered laser hair removal. I've been having laser treatments now for about 5 years. It is SO much better and I only shave my neck once every two months or so before a treatment... just to get the little stray hairs, it's really not much at all anymore. I will always have the treatments though just because my hormones keep producing the hair, luckily, they will get more sporadic as I go.
Irregular periods have led to infertility and wow, has that ever been a battle. Like most of us dealing with infertility, I experienced severe emotional roller-coasters. I think we should build a theme park called, "Woman's World" and have each ride names after some emotional battle we face! =) I was married to my first husband for 5 years and we tried the entire time. I did seek the help of a Reproductive Endocrynologist for a few years with no luck. We did Clomid, which doesn't help me at all; Femara, which is like Clomid but no results and we did injections- which stimulate your follicles so that you release TONS of eggs instead of just one. Injections are typically accompanied by IUI or IVF treatments, but my ex-husband never wanted to proceed with those. When I remarried, my insurance covered IUI but my company switched insurances the month after I got married and so we just didn't have time to do a treatment. I have been on Metformin, Prometrium, Provera, plus all the fertility meds and I take thyroid medication. No wonder I was an emotional wreck at times!
After I got divorced and before I remarried, there was a gap in my ttc journey and when my current husband (Jeff) and I tried (from day 1, knowing my issues) we started with Clomid. I knew I was unsuccessful in the past, but with IUI not covered anymore, I was grasping at straws. My ovaries did react to Clomid this time and so I gave myself a shot to induce ovulation (trigger shot), I ovulated and then AF showed up. I was crushed. I thought I could handle the let down after a few years, but it was that same old feeling. I sunk into depression and that is when I left the boards for a while (I used to post here about 6 months ago). It was just too much. My OBGYN stopped treating me with Clomid and sent me to a psychiatrist. I am doing much better now and have eliminated extra stress that I was think was contributing to all that. I quit my job. I now stay home with my dogs and take care of the house. My stress level is waaaaaay low and I am in a much better place, thanks to the help of God.
After seven months of nothing and really not even thinking about it, I prayed. I had stopped praying because it was too painful not getting an answer or getting the answer of, "no." But I began to read Psalm 139 and felt to pray for my babies, that I didn't have. I also thanked God for making me the way he did. He wasn't asleep on the job. He knows my body- he created it. He formed it. He knows how my ovaries work and don't work. I thank God for doctors and believe we are wise to seek them out, but I had done that already. I came to the conclusion that no matter what I do, God still has to give my babies life. I continued to thank him and tell him that my body was subject to his command and that when he said, "work" my body would begin to work. A few days later I began to have pain in my abdomen. Honestly, I thought it was gas, but it didn't go away. About 5 days after that prayer, I saw my doctor. She did an ultrasound and saw that I had a hemhorragic cyst. I had no clue what that was. She explained that it is a follicle that has released an egg during ovulation and then bled on itself. Ovulation??? Yep, that's what she said. She said, "I think you ovulated, but I don't want to get your hopes up." Even she didn't believe. But I did. I began to thank God. I know he touched me that day during that particular prayer. Two weeks later, to the day of the prayer, I started my period! No medications. No hormones. No special diet. Just God. While it didn't result in a pregnancy, I was comforted in the fact that God touched my body and I believe he was telling me, "you're right, Amanda, your body will work when I tell it to." So, that is the comfort I hold on to. I will continue to see doctors, in fact, I see mine tomorrow, but I know who is really in control and I place my trust in the Lord. You must know, that I have gone over 2 years without a period on my own...
Not having a period regularly, I don't know if I'll have a consecutive cycle, but if I do, this would be the week I ovulate so we're just trying blindly and praying that God would move in his timing.
So, that's my PCOS journey in a nutshell. It's much more emotional than that, but I feel as though I've already written a book! There were plenty of bad times, but God has brought me through and given me hope and peace and joy through all of it. I told my husband last night that there was something special about going through a trial because it is there that you get a front row seat to a miracle!
Re: Amanda E's PCOS Journal
dude! This has me in tears! it's so beautifully written and your words are so eloquent! I am touched by your journey and am looking forward to many more journal entries! :wub:
Re: Amanda E's PCOS Journal
awww, thanks! I haven't been to this section in a while and I just reread my own post... I kind of needed to hear it today and remind myself who is really in control!
Re: Amanda E's PCOS Journal
Are you still around...HOW ARE YOU DOING :)
I just read your Journal...absolutely beautiful! I can completely relate with the awful hair growth on the face from teenage years on. It has kept me in hiding from social situations more often than not :( and definately had a role in me pushing away my 1st husband out of self hatred :( I tried laser hair removal a couple times and it wasnt successful...completely discouraged and financially tapped out, I havent tried it again.
Im at a new place in my life then I was back then, new husband, new perspective and When i can afford it im ready to try again especially because the hair growth is more out of control then ever and everywhere!! I often think how hideous I am with the mustache of a pubesant teenage boy and chin, neck, sideburns, eyebrows and tummy closely related to the werewolfs we have all seen in those cheesy movies of our childhoods. Its even starting on my shoulders and back :o:mad: Im discouraged..disgusted and so embarassed of it all.
STUPID PCOS!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!
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