This isnt working - i am scared
I am back to my old self again. I take my medicine or as i refer to it thanks to dh is my failure pill everyday like clockwork. its a small dose im still at 50mg but i am on edge and just want to be left alone. i am back at yelling at dd all the time and just too agravated to do anything. for example i was losing my mind as dh was in the field this past week and i had the kids by myself at night. normally i feel i am super mom to where i can literally do anything with them. I drop them off at daycare at 7 pick them up at 5 and make dinner and then i would bath them and what not and play and spend mommy time with them. However i push them to bed by 630 skip bathnights some night and just let them cry and at the same time im in my room crying.
I am doing counseling and everything that they said would help but its just getting worse.
I am scared because i am at my worse when dh is gone. the end of the year he will be leaving for his year long deployment. What am I going to do. I HAVE to fight this i really do i am tired of crying and what i say is neglecting my kids. I love them more than anything but i just feel like a failure becuase i am slipping again. I go have an appt on the 21st which seems sooo far away. I am afraid to tell my supervisor whats going on becuase i just dont want them to know right yet and thankfully this is something the clinic wont tell them.
My question is. Do you think I should tell my supervisor (I am in the military as well). Esp with dh leaving to deploy soon.
I work out a lot more becuase when i get stressed and whatnot that use to help just a tad bit. i find myself running 6-8 miles a day anymore. However it doesnt help anymore. I just feel I have a lot anger in me and i am about to explode!!!
I guess I just need help bad. I am hald tempted to if it gets worse to just go to the clinic but then my command will know that way and waht not. I am just lost.
Re: This isnt working - i am scared
Reading that made me just want to hug you because mostly everything you just wrote I have felt the past several weeks! My husband is military too and the worse times are when he isn't home to be my "buffer" between my depression and the kids ...I believe my worse problem is that I make myself so terrified about how overwhelming it's going to be when he's not here that it ends up making it twice as hard to deal with ... your mind is a powerful weapon and too often I find we use it against ourselves!
If it were me I would talk to my command about how you're feeling. They may have resources or outreaches that will be able to help you while your husband is gone or help you better deal with how you're feeling before he leaves .. ( Our command actually has post partum depression support groups and they are awesome... )
Do you have a close friend or family close by that can help you out when you feel down and overwhelmed? If so don't hesitate to call them.. everyone needs help sometimes!
I really hope you start feeling better and if you ever want to talk I'm here!
Re: This isnt working - i am scared
I went through postpartum with all my pregnancies. The first one was the worst. What medicine are you taking? I have taken different types. I used to cry so much. When DH went on his first deployment I was ok but then it started getting worse and I would get angry. I know what you are going through. I found that working out and taking my meds helped. The counselor helped also. The biggest thing that helped me with the deployments were finding a support network. Getting out of the house and meeting people. I found that if I sat at home it made it worse. I still battle with my depression and after our loss I wasn't great but I am learning to cope better and didn't need meds this time. :dothug: I believe in you and you can get through this. Maybe they need to give you a higher dose for your meds. You could find a support group in your local area as well. Hobbies help to. I scrapbooked alot.
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