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-   -   bittersweet... (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f133-pregnancy-and-motherhood-after-loss/133095-bittersweet.html)

Rina42308 January 13th, 2006 04:06 PM

Hi girls, I've been thinking about something since it happened...well Wed I had my dr's appt...I just love my dr. When she walked in she hugged me. Again reiterated my levels are looking good...she told me how to wean off the Prozac (1 every other day for 2 weeks, then 1 every 3rd day for 2 weeks, and so forth), she gave me blood work orders to get my hcg checked every 4 days until I come back to see her. She scheduled my u/s for 1/25. She told me not inserting anything into me....says she wants to make sure the baby implants with no disruption. So hence why no sex. We discussed Nathanael a bit his health and his weirdness...she was so supportive! She told me she was going to speak to him next time he comes in very systematically to help put him at ease. i thought that was so nice of her. when she left she hugged me again and said she's so happy for us....

Anyway, while I was talking with her she was reveiwing my chart and stopped to review my u/s pics from my twins...I couldn't help but see what she was looking at...she had a lot of pics...it made me sad...I keep thinking what will I do if that happens again...I'm so scared to lose this baby too. It's been on my mind for 2 days now...I keep seeing those u/c pics every time I close my eyes :frown:

missy123 January 13th, 2006 08:03 PM

I love you so much and am praying for you every day. I am not even that religious. I just know one thing, If anyone deserves this baby it is most definatly you Norina.
Even when I am hurting and cant bring myself to the message boards I think about you every day.

How are you feeling physically?

It must be so hard to see u/s pics of the twins.

Hang in there sweetheart. Just know I am here for you ---

LeedaRenee January 14th, 2006 02:59 AM

Norina, sending big cyber hugs your way.

It's hard for me to see my U/S too, so much in fact that for awhile whenever I would go and look at it, I would burst into tears and shut myself in a room for a few hours. I've looked at it since I got p/g and think, I loved that baby so much and I tried not to love this one, but I do. Please let this one go right. And you know what? I think it will, I think it will for all of us this time around. I have faith now.

As for your doc, she sounds awesome! Very on top of things. You are so lucky. :smile:

hopin4a4rth January 14th, 2006 06:35 AM

Sending you hugs too.

I have a u/s pic of the second baby I lost in my planner. I looked at it often & miss that baby, but thank God for giving me another chance w/ this one.

M/C is hard & pregnancy after m/c is flooded w/ so many emotions. (((hugs)))

Rina42308 January 15th, 2006 02:45 PM

You ladies are all so very sweet...thank you for validating my feelings...Missy your post made me cry...you are an amazing friend. I know God is listening to both our prayers...i'll continue praying for you too. Much love,

soontobemommyto3 January 15th, 2006 03:47 PM

I guess I'm weird. I love my u/s pictures of my baby girl. They are the only pictures I have of her. She looks so beautiful to me.

Norina, it is only normal to feel bittersweet about going back to the DRs and seeing things like that. I had to lie on the same table where i found out Cassie was dead a month ago. It was weird. Then when I saw the video tape (they video tape the big ultrasounds) on the ultrasound machine and it had my name on it from my u/s in August when she was ok :(.

It gets easier though. I don't know why, but it seems when people get past their loss week, they feel better. I still have a long way to go to get to that, but I'm sure even for me I will feel like I passed some big milestone.

Rina42308 January 15th, 2006 03:50 PM

i understand what you're syaing...I have that u/s on 1/25...i fear this will be the longest 1 1/2 weeks of my life...i anticipate closing my eyes and holding my breath when we do the u/s until I hear my dr say it's ok to look...
It is strange to return to a place where you found the most heartbreaking news of your life. When I returned to p/u the blood order forms everyone remembered me...like by name...I had 3 different nurses ask me how I am..I gues my story made an impression...when I was making my appt for the u/s, one overheard and came runnign over asking ,"are you pregnant?" and hugged me. Sweet to know I was thought of...
I can't wait till i pass my loss week...

soontobemommyto3 January 15th, 2006 04:35 PM

When I checked in for my first appt the nurse was like "Oh I saw your name on the list for today and I was so happy for you!". I know it is sweet but it also feels weird too, like I don't want to be special for this reason. :rolleyes:

Blessings B January 16th, 2006 04:32 AM

:dothug: You are in my thoughts. B

iamkc January 16th, 2006 09:12 AM

Norina and Susan, I've actually counted myself lucky through all of this that I have a different doc now and they don't have my later u/s. I didn't let them in on one of the pregnancies because I knew it was failing. The only one they have is the last miscarriage, and there's nothing on the screen. I have to admit that that will be easier to see than a viable baby that's no longer with me.

You're both so strong, and you're right--it's always going to be bittersweet. I know that you're both SO STRONG, though, and that these new lives growing inside of you have nothing but the best lives ahead. I'm thinking about both of you.

Rina42308 January 16th, 2006 09:28 AM

Thank you jessica...right back at ya. You are one of the strongest women I have had the pleasure of EVER knowing!!


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