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-   -   Anyone else here... (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f133-pregnancy-and-motherhood-after-loss/133984-anyone-else-here.html)

countrybaby January 15th, 2006 08:44 PM

I'm just wondering if anyone else is like me...young and had to go through both multiple m/c's AND a long time TTC?? I was just reading the posts about how soon people got pregnant after a m/c, and most got pg. on the first couple cycles. I think that's wonderful, but for some reason it just makes me sad (for selfish reasons).

I have a difficult time facing my TTC journey. DH and I got married at 18 & 21 and most people our age seem to get pregnant right away. We, however, TTC for 16 months and lost 2 babies before this. And there was no reason why it happened that way, either. It's just hard, because most people use our age as the "reason" we couldn't get and stay pregnant...they say it's because we're too young and that it's "better" the way it happened..."better" that we didn't get pregnant until we were married for 1.5 years and 2 years older, and "better" that we lost the 2 on the way. :( I know that's not true, but it hurts.

Don't get me wrong...I know God is in charge and He has His reasons for why things happened the way they did, but I'm just looking for someone who can relate. I'm so blessed to have this baby now...whom I'll be holding so soon...but there's still a lot of pain from what it took to get here.

Rina42308 January 15th, 2006 09:58 PM

well sweetie, our stories are not alike other than the 2 m/c's...so i can relate to you in that way. And I had people tell me it was "better" I lost my babies too ...because I wasn't married, because it was too soon into our relationship, because, because, because...I also know they are not right...but like you it hurts.
Remembering what occurred to me during and after the m/c's is almost too much to spend time thinking about...I went throught the hardest part of my life after I lost all my babies...being pg again has mixed emotions...first things are just different between b/f and I...i am constantly comparing symptoms, i'm nervous, there's just so much uncertanty. I am also grateful for this baby...but it brings about a whole gammt of emotions from my past...
just wanted to reach out and let you know that although not completely alike...I'm with you...i hear you...and I can relate to the feelings that arise when it comes to looking back at the journey of ttc...

soontobemommyto3 January 16th, 2006 09:26 AM

I'm sorry you are feeling that way. Did you find out why it took so long to get pregnant? I doubt it was your age. Usually young people get pregnant easisly, it is us older folks (I'm almost 37) who take longer. I am so thankful that it didn't take me long to get pregnant with this one, but it took me awhile to get pregnant with my first, so I do understand that pain.

iamkc January 16th, 2006 09:48 AM

I have a very hard time understanding what must go through people's heads when they feel the urge to tell someone that their pain is for the better. If they've ever been through any iota of pain in their lives, you can bet those same people would all but punch you to the ground if you said the same to them. I'm sorry for the insensitivity you've dealt with after your losses. Old, young, far along, just pregnant--a loss is one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. It means that the next time you get pregnant, you cheat yourself out of the excitement of one of the most thrilling events in one's life. Ugh...people make me sick.

I got pregnant when I was 25...a "surprise." It lasted for 21 1/2 weeks (or so), but the baby was struggling, as was I. Still no idea what happened. I was told that it was just a fluke. Immediately afterward, we started trying and have had at least 2 more miscarriages and one chemical pregnancy, but we and our doc are guessing that it's more. I found out in December that I was pregnant again, after 25 months TTC. I'm 28 now. If this little one makes it (7w1d today, u/s tomorrow), I'll be 29 when it's born.

We didn't tell anyone that we were TTC because we didn't want to deal with what you've had to and others' undoubtedly well-intentioned advice that would make us want to dig a nice, deep, comfy hole for them. We've not told anyone that we have been pregnant, and we won't tell anyone about this one for quite a while. Still, we'll surely have someone tell us that we're too young, too poor, not at the right time in our lives, etc. Those will be the people we don't spend much time around while we're getting through this.

Again, I'm so sorry that you've dealt with the ignorance of others in a most painful time. I hope that this pregnancy is going much better for you and that you're nothing but over-the-moon. :D You deserve that.

countrybaby January 16th, 2006 10:13 AM

Quote:

I'm sorry you are feeling that way. Did you find out why it took so long to get pregnant? I doubt it was your age. Usually young people get pregnant easisly, it is us older folks (I'm almost 37) who take longer.[/b]
Nope, all testing showed no reason. And that's why it was so frustrating...to see others my age getting pg. on a whim, while I was stuck having to actually TRY.

Quote:

We didn't tell anyone that we were TTC because we didn't want to deal with what you've had to and others' undoubtedly well-intentioned advice that would make us want to dig a nice, deep, comfy hole for them. We've not told anyone that we have been pregnant, and we won't tell anyone about this one for quite a while. Still, we'll surely have someone tell us that we're too young, too poor, not at the right time in our lives, etc. Those will be the people we don't spend much time around while we're getting through this.[/b]
Same here...we never told a soul. Yet we DID announce our first pregnancy, and that's when we heard the comments. So when we got pregnant the second time, we never told anyone, and we lost that one too. Sometimes I feel like I cheated that baby out of something by not ever telling anyone. :(


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