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-   -   Any regrets??? (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f133-pregnancy-and-motherhood-after-loss/2555338-any-regrets.html)

sandel07 July 30th, 2012 12:11 PM

Any regrets???
 
Today I am 6 weeks pregnant and all I feel is Regret....

I had 2 sons that are 12 and 14 and 1 miscarrrage from a previous relationship. Nearly 3 years ago I met a new guy who I thought was 'the one', whom I have had 5 miscarriages with. up until my last miscarriage in Feb 2012 all I wanted was to have 1 more baby, but after that loss I began to rethink what I wanted. In June/July I decided I was done I didnt want any more children and was going to disucss tubal ligation on Aug 1st at my annual appointment, then on July 16th I had a positve HPT. I know I should be thrilled but I dont feel that, in fact all I feel right now is regret. I keep thinking what did I do? How did I let this happen? This past Saturday I had a lil spotting, and my first feeling was relieve......

I dont know what to do with these feeling....I know that it can change but what if they dont??? I have an ultrasound on Wednesday which I have mixed feeling about....

I swore that I would never terminate but at this moment it feels like the best thing for me...but how can that be wht is best for me after all that I have been thru .

I know that most people who are worried/upset initially about a pregnancy and get over it and love everything about the new baby, but I worry about what if I always regret this....

Sorry for all the rambling but I have SO much anxiety right now I dont know what to do.

geogeek July 30th, 2012 01:48 PM

Re: Any regrets???
 
I am sorry that you feel that way. It is SO hard to be pregnant after loss. It would be even harder to be pregnant after loss when you thought you were done. My mom was in a similar situation with my brother and it took her a long time. She wouldn't change anything, but it was hard. I don't know what else to say. I hope that you find peace and eventually enjoyment in your newest little one.

missy123 July 30th, 2012 06:33 PM

Re: Any regrets???
 
I won't lie - it is exhausting and so stressful having a baby at an older age. My husband is out of town on business 5 days a week so I am pretty much a single mom right now. We did not plan it that way - it was where he could find work right now. Do I have any regrets? No way... Are there times I want to pull my hair out from stress? Yeah! :)

Life is crazy and your hormones are all over the place... Don't put pressure on yourself for the way you are feeling. You are the one that has to live your life and you have some tough decisions to make over the next few months. Don't rush into anything either way... you have time. (((hugs)))

klt July 30th, 2012 09:11 PM

Re: Any regrets???
 
We had three children. I wanted another one. My husband thought he was done. I accidentally ended up PG at the age of 40. (I had NO idea that I was PG. I thought I was dying of something! :) ) After finding out I was PG, telling my DH, and telling the other kids (after seeing the hb on u/s) I lost our little one. I was devastated. No matter how little he or she was ... it was my baby. We went on to get PG again. Max is one of the best miracles in our lives. Yep, it's tough at times. Heck, I'm a 45 year old mom of a 2 year old. You will never regret your new little addition. (I can't say that there will not be days that are hard, but heck, we have difficult days with EVERYTHING we experience in life...parenting, work, relationships, etc...) Love that little one and ENJOY!

OH, and if you haven't noticed my siggy...my older boys are MUCH older than little Max. The gap is kind of big, but still worth it. I am convinced that my boys will be great dads someday. And, I think a lot of it is because they are helping raise Max. They change diapers, feed him, play with him, hold him, love him. It's AWESOME. I could not be prouder of the three older brothers (ages 16, 14, and 11.5) I noticed you're from WI. Me too! Yay!

*SamF* July 31st, 2012 06:37 AM

Re: Any regrets???
 
I questioned my sanity many times while pregnant and TTC both of my kids. We didn't start until I was 38, then the losses started. After DS was born I was just elated, but really wanted to give him a sibling.
It was not easy getting pregnant again- three more losses, then I got my sticky. I questioned again if I was doing the right thing or being selfish. I was going to be 41 when she was born. I questioned if I was going to be able to keep up with two kids under three, if we could afford a second baby (even though we spent around $10K getting her), if I could even love another baby as much as DS.
Now that she is here, every bit of that regret and fear is gone. She was the final piece of the puzzle for our family.
Pregnancy after loss, and pregnancy being an older mom is HARD. The emotions and fears that go with it. The judgement from society.
I hope things work out for you! I understand the fear. I got my tubes done as soon as I was able to after DD, I will still live in fear a little bit for the next three months until I know that everything worked.

sandel07 August 3rd, 2012 01:03 PM

Re: Any regrets???
 
Obviously I have been doing alot of thinking my situation, overthinking honestly. 5 days ago I thought I was positive the best thing for me was to terminate, which is crazy to say when I have gone they 6 miscarriages and 3 cycles of MA. Please dont judge those thoughts as you NEVER know what you would do until your in a situation....
On Wednesday I saw my OBGYN who has been with me thru all of this and she suggested that I give my self more time to really think things thru...to try to find some positive to have another child at this point in my life. And that is what I am doing.
I have talked to my boys about the 'what if' I had a baby and they both LOVE the idea, yet I still worry about how it can impact them. My BF has no children and wants his own more than anything but says I have to do what will keep my sanity.

Here are some of my fears:
Ending up being a single parent again (have been raising my sons on my own for over 7 years)-this is the biggest one
Birth defects-I know and would do testing cvs, amnio, whatever
Hurting my boys-another big one
Regretting the child-would I regret the change it could make in my life? Loss of freedom? Selfish I know.....

As I said I overthink everything.....so along with these thoughts I wonder, Am I trying to put up some sort of defense mechanism so that if something does go wrong with this pregnancy it wont hurt so much if I tell myself that I dont want it, that i dont care, it wont hurt me??

Sorry for the rambling but I just would like to hear what others have gone thru....

*SamF* August 3rd, 2012 01:37 PM

Re: Any regrets???
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by sandel07 (Post 26358301)
As I said I overthink everything.....so along with these thoughts I wonder, Am I trying to put up some sort of defense mechanism so that if something does go wrong with this pregnancy it wont hurt so much if I tell myself that I dont want it, that i dont care, it wont hurt me??

I really think this is it. Hugs! Been thinking of you!

sandel07 August 25th, 2012 10:41 AM

Re: Any regrets???
 
Just wanted to give an update.....
I am starting to feel a little better about things, my pregnancy. I am no longer considering termination and I know that things will work out.
I hope no one sees me a terrible person for my previous thoughts/feeling, I just needed to voice them somewhere....

Leanne78 August 26th, 2012 12:12 PM

Re: Any regrets???
 
(((Hugs))) Sandy. I read your earlier post and have had you in my thoughts. Just wasn't sure what to say then.

missy123 August 27th, 2012 06:18 AM

Re: Any regrets???
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by sandel07 (Post 26448228)
Just wanted to give an update.....
I am starting to feel a little better about things, my pregnancy. I am no longer considering termination and I know that things will work out.
I hope no one sees me a terrible person for my previous thoughts/feeling, I just needed to voice them somewhere....


Ummmmm....... I think everyone has crazy thoughts at times - you were just brave enough to open them up here. No judgements, and honestly who cares? Life is way to short to worry about what others think of you.


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