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-   -   Long 6 weeks (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f133-pregnancy-and-motherhood-after-loss/337465-long-6-weeks.html)

iamkc October 14th, 2006 11:07 AM

On Tuesday, Kannon will be 6 weeks. About 10 days after I had him, I finally realized that the pain, etc., I was having was from a urinary tract/bladder/kidney infection. I called the OB on call, she prescribed a sulfa drug. I'm allergic to sulfa and they're incredibly weak antibiotics. I've also had this problem before and told her that I needed to be on a few rounds of it or it would come back stronger and deadlier the next time. I swear I heard her laugh. She gave me one round. My brother and his family came into town right after I finished. I did WAY more than I should have. I walked all over the place, including Yellowstone. I started bleeding heavily, but the docs thought nothing of it because all problems generally present themselves 10 days-2 weeks after birth and I was past that. I finally had to call again because I got up last Monday morning and huge clots fell out all over the place. I got meds, didn't work, had to have an emergency D&E that night. They still have no idea what the bleeding was about. The next morning, I was running a high fever, called again, and went in. The kidney infection was back and my temp was rising quickly. Again, they just gave me antibiotics and sent me home, but I knew better. I passed out at home, DH woke me up, made me take my temp every few minutes, and it was getting scary high--within 5 minutes, from 103.6-104.5. We went to the ER and I was admitted early Wednesday morning. I should have gone home on Saturday, but my temp jumped 3 degrees in 30 minutes, so they kept me until Wednesday. The night of the jump, they took me for a CT scan and THEN told me that I couldn't feed Kannon because of the injection. We had to send people out in the wee hours in our town trying to find pumps (for pump-n-dump) and formula. I was so angry. They hadn't let me feed him before and he'd never had the bottle. Luckily, he took it. (And, luckily, switched right back after the 48 hours were up.) I found out later that the hospital had all the stuff I needed--no one volunteered it. Here's hoping it's all over and done with. I'm exhausted and trying to take it easy, but life seems to have other plans. Sooooo, send healing thoughts my way. I can use them. I'll try to be back on more when everything evens out!

soontobemommyto3 October 14th, 2006 01:15 PM

oh my. You need to slow down, get better and relax. I'm so sorry you have had to go through that. I hope you feel better soon. And kudos for continuing to nurse through all that! I'd probably have quit due to the extra strain of making milk. Are you able to make enough with all that and your big boy too?

How is he doing?

srs October 14th, 2006 07:10 PM

Sounds horrible. Take care of yourself. :dothug:

beck12 October 15th, 2006 01:21 PM

Oh sweetie - I am so sorry to hear you say you've been having a rough time. I agree with Susan that you need to take it easy...as easy as you possibly can. I have had UTI's & kidney infections & they are rough, even rougher with everything else you have going on. I am also allergic to sulfa <_< so I know it's harder to treat without it. My only recommendation (and you may already know these things..is a shot -3oz- of white vinegar daily, an acidophillus tablet at every meal - gallons of water & cranberry juice or extract tablets...and of course your meds from the Dr. I haven't had to take (knock on wood) an antibiotic for a UTI in over 5 yrs with that combo....after my allergic reaction - I am shy of Rx pills & do everything natural possible to avoid them. I hope you feel better soon & kiss your little lovey for us!

Brittanie October 15th, 2006 02:55 PM

UGH! UTIs are terrible! I'm sorry that you have had such a hard time! uck!


Glad you're feeling better, and that your baby boy is doing good!

:dothug:

4iris October 16th, 2006 08:09 AM

More sympathy from another UTI/kidney infection sufferer who's allergic to sulfa. I've already had two UTIs this pg. I'm glad they finally got you fixed up, but so sorry for all you had to go through. Hope you're feeling better now!

Daniellea22 October 16th, 2006 03:54 PM

aw jess im sorry your going through this, i hope things start to get better for you :dothug:

iamkc October 19th, 2006 08:30 PM

Thank you, ladies. :wub: It's been a scary experience. Of course, after the fact, everyone tells me that they just KNEW that something was wrong...but not a single offer of help. I pushed too hard, and I'm sure that contributed. I'm still not fully recovered, but here's hoping that I'm on the mend and that I'm going to STAY there!!!

Kannon is VERY healthy, as far as we can tell. I'm going to admit something that has kept me awake since the incident: I dropped him my first night in the hospital after readmission (for the kidney infection, not the bleeding). Only from the bed to the floor, but it's something I can't forgive myself for. Every time I look at him, I cry. I was so weak and had no business trying to care for him, but what option did I have? Ugh. I'm bawling again writing this. I can't talk about it too much yet. I can't believe that I did it.

I seem to be making plenty of milk--enough for Kannon and a set of twins. It was hard-going at first, since my milk didn't come in when it was supposed to and he was a big kid. In the hospital, I pumped, which I'm sure saved our BFing.

More later, but time to get to that...and I think that I should probably get back to resting. :)

HUGS to all!

soontobemommyto3 October 20th, 2006 11:29 AM

I'm glad you are feeling better. Definately rest and take care of yourself.

Did you have baby Kannon checked after the fall? I dropped Sophie, my oldest, once. She was older, about 8 months at the time. I was carrying her from one room to the next and I slipped on dog drool on our tile floor. She went flying out of my arms and hit the back of the couch before the floor. I was in tears a total mess. I called the ped. and they told me she was fine if there wasn't a dent on her head (which there wasn't) and if she had calmed down from crying after about 10 mins (which she did). I then had to wake her up every 2 hours that night to make sure she didn't have a concussion.

It is very scary. I know. I felt like the horrible mom of the year.

iamkc October 20th, 2006 10:22 PM

Quote:

I'm glad you are feeling better. Definately rest and take care of yourself.

Did you have baby Kannon checked after the fall? I dropped Sophie, my oldest, once. She was older, about 8 months at the time. I was carrying her from one room to the next and I slipped on dog drool on our tile floor. She went flying out of my arms and hit the back of the couch before the floor. I was in tears a total mess. I called the ped. and they told me she was fine if there wasn't a dent on her head (which there wasn't) and if she had calmed down from crying after about 10 mins (which she did). I then had to wake her up every 2 hours that night to make sure she didn't have a concussion.

It is very scary. I know. I felt like the horrible mom of the year.[/b]
THANK YOU for sharing this! I was already sick, but pretty sure I extended my stay in the hospital due to stress from this. The ped never checked him, but the nurse who was on the morning I did it was in tears with me, checked him, thought he seemed fine, and everyone else thereafter checked him. I was in post partum because I had him with me in the hospital, so I was pretty confident that they knew what to look for. I still feel horrible. It makes me physically ill just thinking about it. He's bright-eyed and just like he was beforehand, so I'm guessing that he's fine. I felt like the worst mother. It was written in my chart, so everyone after knew what had happened and all I could think while they were talking to me was, "They know and they're going to take him." I didn't exactly concentrate on making myself better. Really, I know that he's fine, but holy hell, it better never happen again. I don't think I can take it. I'm barely handling this. :frown:

I guess you just always hear about people dropping babies or making jokes and you think, "How could that happen?" I've worked with babies and newborns since before I was legally allowed to work and I've NEVER dropped or otherwise injured a child. I can't believe that I did it so soon with my own...

soontobemommyto3 October 21st, 2006 10:20 AM

I'm sure he is fine if everyone checked him out. I just remembered this too... when Sophie was readmitted to the hospital when she was 3 days old for jaundice and dehydration I was getting up and putting her back under the bili lights and I tripped over a cord! I didn't drop her but the nurse was right there and gave me a big chewing out. Like I did it on purpose! I was so sleep deprived and worried about my child. I was already feeling like a bad mom because we couldn't get breastfeeding down.

Luckily you had a nice nurse help you. Do not beat yourself up over this. So many mistakes will happen after this too that you will go crazy. I cut my son's finger when I was trimming his nails once. He still, to this day, hates me to cut his finger nails. There was blood everywhere and I felt so bad.

As they get older they manage to hurt themselves and you feel like an idiot becuase you weren't watching them better. My husband was swinging our daughter on a swing he set up (OVER THE CONCRETE!!) and she fell backwards and hit her head. She was about 3 at the time. And didn't tell me! I was giving her a bath and felt this huge bump on her head and ran to him and screamed at him! I was so mad. She was fine, but I was mad the LET her fall and then didn't tell me. Of course he didn't let her fall, it was an accident.

Let's see whatelse... I shut my duaghters fingers in the dryer door when she was about three. I didn't see her holding on to the door :( I felt so bad.

I'm sure there are million more that I can't remember right now. My point is accidents happen. kiss and hug your baby and know you are not alone.

beck12 October 21st, 2006 10:35 AM

Hey sweetie I also wanted to tell you that all kinds of things do happen. When I was just a few days old (first day home from the hospital) my mom said they didn't have the changing table set up yet - as I was alittel early & being her 5th kid - she thought she would be able to tell. Anyway - she put me on the kitchen table on a blanket to change my diaper. My sister was 4 & standing right there - wanting to check me out. My mom was showing her my fingers & toes, etc...and my mom said she dropped something. She took a step over to grab it & while she looked away my sister pulled me off the table by the blanket. She said she wanted to see me better. My mom said she freaked - especially because at first I only startled & held my breath - she said it seemed like hours before I let out a wail. they ran back up to emergency - and she was scared they would think it was abuse as well - but I was fine - and I fell onto linoleum over concrete from the height of a dning room table. :blink: LOts of other things happened while we were groeing up as well, falls down the stairs, by brother got his fingers caught by an old window that slammed down. It's not good - of course - but it's also not catastrophic. Try to remember - as much as we try - none of us will ever be perfect & no one's child grows up without a scar or broken bone. It's part of life. I am sorry it has given you such a scare & made you feel so terrible. I hope you can find a way to let it go soon. (((HUGS)))

iamkc October 21st, 2006 12:24 PM

Thank you so much, ladies. Really, it is making me feel better. You just hear everyone joke about dropping their babies, so I felt like such an idiot. I've punched him in the head and face refastening my nursing bra and that didn't make me feel so bad. I don't know why. I've accidentally scratched him, but no real feelings of guilt there...I didn't think twice about it. It's the DROPPING him part!!! I did remember that when my cousin was under a year old, I was swinging her under my legs and she just fell out of my hands, flat on the back of her head on concrete. I waited for the cry, looked at her eyes, and then made her laugh. When I dropped Kannon, he laid asleep for a few seconds on the floor before crying. That might be what's really wrong. He looked dead, I felt half-dead (as it turns out, I was), and I just thought that it was all over. Really, I felt like I'd die.

I think that I can let it go as it gets farther away. It's just having that image burned in my brain. I've hurt him in little ways since then and really, I don't feel as guilty. Oh, those things happen and I know it.

But JEEZ, dropping him?!

Susan, I'm sorry that your nurse chewed you out--you're right, I'm very lucky to have had an understanding soul who immediately told me about hurting her daughter somehow. She had to have known what was going through my head.

And Beckie, it's reassuring to know that you were dropped and look how well you turned out. :D

Thank you, ladies. Of all the things that have happened lately and all that I have to worry about, it's so silly that that image keeps popping up. It was just the way he looked. And if he'd been dropped an inch to the left, he'd have hit his temple on my IV stand. It would have been far worse. Ugh. There I go again!

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I DO feel better. Thank you for not thinking that I'm a terrible mom. :)

Brittanie October 21st, 2006 12:36 PM

Quote:

I've worked with babies and newborns since before I was legally allowed to work and I've NEVER dropped or otherwise injured a child. I can't believe that I did it so soon with my own...[/b]
Well, it's different when you are the one holding the baby all the time, and taking care if the baby and everything. There are more chances of you hurting him! If I have a baby for a few hours, I have less time to accidently do something than having a baby all day for days on end.


And I think we're subconciously more careful with other people's babies than our own. I don't know why.

soontobemommyto3 October 23rd, 2006 02:58 PM

Jessica, I think you bring up an interesting point about feeling like Oh my God this it he is now dead. Of course anyone would feel that after seeing the baby on the floor but those of us who have gone through a loss probably feel it more. Like I knew it would happen, the baby will be taken from me. I feel like that a lot. We had brought Sadie in for a jaundice check when she was 4 or 5 days old (my first had jaundice so I was paranoid about it) and the doctor checking her found a heart murmur! I just about passed out. I was so sure this was it, she was going to die right there on the table. Turns out heart murmurs in newborns are so common that most doctors don't even tell the parents - of course this one felt the need to freak me out I guess.

Then I took Sadie in last week for a rash on her arm and in the back of my mind I was thinking - it's cancer I know it. It wasn't, it was just a little atopic dermatitis. But my point in here somewhere is even though we made it through healthy pregnancies and have healthy babies those losses have scarred us for life. We will probably always have that in the back of our minds that this baby might be taken from us...


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