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-   -   white knuckling (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f133-pregnancy-and-motherhood-after-loss/806454-white-knuckling.html)

Doodle November 13th, 2007 08:10 AM

All last week I dreamed about miscarrying at my daughters birthday party. Thankfully the party happened with nary a bad sign. I felt good and sure and happy again for about 3.5 seconds then fear started gripping me again. I feel like I am fighting a cold, no big deal but then today I woke up extremely crampy.

I am right in the midst of my panic zone. Lost first baby at 8 weeks and second babies at 6 weeks. I am in week seven right now. I just havent had a good feeling about this for a few weeks and that scares me. With my last pregnancy I couldnt keep it under wraps, this time I have told a few people but not many at all. I feel like I have just been stuck waiting for the other shoe to drop. I keep thinking- I've been lucky three times so far, can I be lucky again- especially since this was a complete and utter shock and surprise of a pregnancy? Do i deserve this baby since I hadnt planned on him/her so soon?

It's not helping that my pregnancy symptoms arent as strong. I have to wonder if that is due to the HUGE dietary changes I made during my last pregnancy when I found out that i have a gluten intolerance.

My husband keeps asking me to give this up to God, to let this burden of worry be lifted from my shoulders. I just dont know how to do that.. :unsure:

Sabina November 13th, 2007 08:27 AM

I think it's natural to be worried and it's not always as easy as just giving it up to God to handle. I hope in time you will be able to calm down a little. I can't wait until you are passed your 8 weeks. I think you will be able to calm down easier. As for whether or not you deserve your baby - of course you do! It's not about planning - it's about how much you love your little bean right now.

dinamommy November 13th, 2007 03:35 PM

:( I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time emotionally. That first trimester can really do you in. I hope you get to feeling better very soon.

Doodle November 13th, 2007 04:38 PM

thanks ladies. I took a three hour nap today and feel a little less hysterical. I think I may take up knitting to distract myself

Sabina November 14th, 2007 08:54 AM

Quote:

thanks ladies. I took a three hour nap today and feel a little less hysterical. I think I may take up knitting to distract myself[/b]
That sounds like such a great idea. It's all about passing the time right now. With being so sick I was just focusing on getting through the day and it actually made it easier to get through the first bit without worrying so much. I think if I wasn't sick I would have gone crazy. Try to find other things to focus on - like knitting! And make sure to get your rest! It will help your emotional well being.

Doodle November 14th, 2007 01:43 PM

:dothug: thanks, I went today and picked up some learning to knit stuff. Tonight after the kids go to bed I'll try and get started.

Blessedx3 November 14th, 2007 05:18 PM

i think we all go through this. I know i have heck im almost 32 weeks and still scared everyday that something is gonna happen to the baby. I have good days and bad days some days are more worrysome then others. I hope that youll make it through the next 2 weeks and then your able to relax a bit more.

Doodle November 16th, 2007 07:37 AM

Quote:

It's not helping that my pregnancy symptoms arent as strong. I have to wonder if that is due to the HUGE dietary changes I made during my last pregnancy when I found out that i have a gluten intolerance.[/b]

So ive come to the conclusion that my strongest symptom this time is way way way way out of control over the top emotion. I'm still unsettled it hasnt manifested it's self in a more physical manner but I am crying and yelling about ev.e.ry.thing.


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