Today I should be holding another child in my arms. She should be here by now for me to fawn over and love. But she's not. And although I miss her, I'm not as sad as I am over the boys loss. I don't think it's because they were lost first, because in general I get upset about losing her more.
Maybe this is a sign that I am healing from my losses? That I've finally accepted that things happen for a reason.
My mom, my ex, myself, a friend and my grandmother have all had dreams this week that I call them in December and tell them I am pregnant. It's not outside the realm of possibility for once, yet I'm afraid if it's right I will lose yet another baby. So I'm going to cross my fingers that AF shows in December.
So if everyone could please look to the sky and say hello to my little angel I would appreciate it. I figure she would have little brown curls and dark brown eyes, you'd know her if you saw her, she probably looks just like me :D.
:dothug: I'm thinking of you today.
:dothug: I have those moments too. I think usually the days leading up to an anniversary or EDD are worse for me because of the anticipation of it but when the day comes sometimes I am ok with it and it isn't as bad as I think it will be. I also think it depends on my general mood. If I have been having good days and not being too upset then those are the times it is better, but when I am already a little down and the day comes it is a lot harder. It is a roller coaster! I am glad you are doing ok today and I am thinking about you and your angels today.
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