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-   -   A bit of a rant... (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f256-recurrent-miscarriage-and-pregnancy-loss/236833-bit-rant.html)

Rina42308 June 25th, 2006 09:39 PM

Ok so I spent the weekend in Vegas with some friends for a bachelorette party. I really wasn't in the mood to go...I hated leaving DH just because we're pretty close and do everything on the weekend's together but I went for my friend. Last night at dinner I was chatting with one of her friends from work. She was telling me about her fiancee and we exchanged horrible mil stories and got good laughs out fo those. So then she says she sometimes wants a baby but just doesn't know. She said she felt she needed to decide quick because time was running out...so i asked ehr how old she was if she didn't mind me asking and she said 43. The she says she's been trying for some time and had that "tube thing" happen...so I say "an etopic?" and she says "yeah that" and then she says before that she had "one that just didn't develop" so I say " a blighted ovum?" and she says" I doon't know...is that what it's called" and her friend from work says "it's like having a hard boiled egg..." I sat there is complete disbelief at how they, she the one with the losses imparticularly, could discuss these m/c's this way and accept and refer to her m/c as a "hardboiled egg". I can't quite figure out why it makes me so mad but it does. She seemed not at all bothered with the losses...maybe that's why I'm made, because she can be so non chalant while I am so debilitated? Perhaps I'm jealous that I can't be that way? I felt angry too that she seemed so ignorant about what occurred to her or anything about ehr body...because she made a comment like "I don't know if there's something wrong, I guess I should go to the dr..." I don't know maybe ti was just the whole conversation that rubbed me wrong...I just wanted to be home and snuggled with DH adn our dog in our bed at home. I couldn't help but think if I was still pg I wouldn't have had to come on this dumb trip to begin with.
I'm probably just irritable and therefore things are bothering me more than usual...who knows.
I just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening. :frown:

wewantaminime June 26th, 2006 06:34 AM

Hey Norina, I hear ya girl! I don't understand how something like that happens to her body and she doesn't research it. We all have different way of dealing. I'm guessing she is afraid of what she will find out, so what better way than to be ignorant about it. Then she can avoid the pain all together. Don't envy her. Doesn't sound like a good place to me. At least you had a few laughs but I know you are glad to be home with DH. :dothug:

4iris June 26th, 2006 07:26 AM

Or maybe she's one of those people who doesn't necessarily want kids but thinks she's supposed to have some. I used to teach in a swanky preschool, and we had several parents who I described as having kids just for the pictures in their offices. The ones who needed family pictures to feel completely successful in their careers, even though they spent very little time with the kids. These were parents who would drop off the kids a 7:00 when we opened and not pick up until 6:00, unless they'd hired one of us for a night/week to take the kids home after school/spend the night or watch the kids for the whole weekend. They'd use quite a few of us to try to hide how often they were actually gone. I even had one mom get mad when we called her to pick up her son because it was dad's night and since she had to come in she didn't get to go out to the bars that night. I was always so sad for these kids, so if your friend's friend is one of these, sounds like it's better off that things aren't working for her (I hate to say that, but after all I saw...).

Sorry your trip wasn't any fun.

Rina42308 June 26th, 2006 01:31 PM

Quote:

Or maybe she's one of those people who doesn't necessarily want kids but thinks she's supposed to have some. I used to teach in a swanky preschool, and we had several parents who I described as having kids just for the pictures in their offices. The ones who needed family pictures to feel completely successful in their careers, even though they spent very little time with the kids. These were parents who would drop off the kids a 7:00 when we opened and not pick up until 6:00, unless they'd hired one of us for a night/week to take the kids home after school/spend the night or watch the kids for the whole weekend. They'd use quite a few of us to try to hide how often they were actually gone. I even had one mom get mad when we called her to pick up her son because it was dad's night and since she had to come in she didn't get to go out to the bars that night. I was always so sad for these kids, so if your friend's friend is one of these, sounds like it's better off that things aren't working for her (I hate to say that, but after all I saw...).

Sorry your trip wasn't any fun.[/b]
Hmm I think you're on to something...she was very aloof about kids in general...I probably shouldn't be letting something so minut bother me. I thank you for taking the time to help me put things in perspective a bit more.

srs June 26th, 2006 07:15 PM

Huh... strange. No wonder you were upset. That sounds like a horrible evening. Glad to hear you're back home with DH! My DH and I are like that too. We've had people make fun of us for hanging out together all the time, but hey, it works for us.

beck12 June 26th, 2006 07:49 PM

O-M-G!!!!!!
A hard boiled egg????

That is hte crassest thing (don't know if crassest is a word) I have heard in a LONG time. Idon't care if she's ignorant or doesn't really want kids..but to talk about it so blatantly - without any regard for what has occured to her - or what other women's experiences may be - I just don't get how anyone could be that disconnected. :blink:

All I can say is you are a kinder woman than I - I think I would have asked her why she was even having a baby if all she could bother to do was get knocked up & do absolutely no research or show interest in her own pregnancies. But I am a bit outspoken at times that I'd be better off shutting my mouth....I think that's why I stay home a lot - a few drinks in me & geez...I'm a fear to behold when my tongue starts going. :blush:

VegasMom June 26th, 2006 11:28 PM

I know this may not be a popular idea but some people have to make less of it than it is to be able to deal with it. Maybe to her she HAD to separate herself from the loss to make it less real. If she looked at the m/c as a real baby it would be harder to deal with so for her sanity she had to make it something else.........just a thought. I'm not defending her by any means but we all have our own defense mechanisms and some cant deal with the reality of it. We create scenarios in our own minds to help us deal with reality.

Norina, just remember what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas ;) Dont let it bother you.

Rina42308 June 27th, 2006 08:23 AM

Quote:

I know this may not be a popular idea but some people have to make less of it than it is to be able to deal with it. Maybe to her she HAD to separate herself from the loss to make it less real. If she looked at the m/c as a real baby it would be harder to deal with so for her sanity she had to make it something else.........just a thought. I'm not defending her by any means but we all have our own defense mechanisms and some cant deal with the reality of it. We create scenarios in our own minds to help us deal with reality.

Norina, just remember what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas ;) Dont let it bother you.[/b]
"Norina, just remember what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas ;) Dont let it bother you."
Cute ! and true! Thanks!!! :P


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