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-   -   I'm in such denial! Afraid to have a D&C - just in case! (Final Update Post #11) (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f256-recurrent-miscarriage-and-pregnancy-loss/2533862-im-such-denial-afraid-to-have-d-and-c-just-case-final-update-post-11-a.html)

Summer Dawn May 31st, 2012 04:35 PM

I'm in such denial! Afraid to have a D&C - just in case! (Final Update Post #11)
 
I have no reason at all to believe that my pregnancy might be viable, but I keep managing to find reasons to have hope! I'm 9 weeks along today, and have had 3 ultrasounds since week 5.5, with the last being 2 days ago. No fetal pole was ever seen. My 1st u/s had a very tiny yolk. This last u/s had a blob of something in there but no hb. The tech didn't think it was the embryo. My gestational sac appears amorphous and rather deflated. The tech said she could see some bleeding of my uterine lining. I have had no spotting and the cramps are no different than those infrequent mild pregnancy twinges. I just took a dollar store HPT and it went darkly postive fast, but I know that doesn't mean anything.

So, tomorrow I'm meeting with my gyno to discuss options. I know she wants me to get a D&C because I'm not miscarrying naturally yet. I first want to know if I might have a tilted uterus which is messing with u/s readings, and I want one more HCG test to see what my numbers are doing. I just want to do everything I can to rule out the possibility that it's okay after all. That "misdiagnosed miscarriage" site has me all in a twist!

So, I guess I have no real questions for anyone. I just wanted to get this out of my head. Sigh! This is difficult.

Oh, I'm posting in here because this is my 2nd m/c. I had one exactly a year ago, and have been TTC ever since. That one happened naturally and quickly. Saw heartbeat at week 7, and a week later I was in the hospital with bleeding and severe cramps and bean was dead.

plan4fate June 1st, 2012 12:47 AM

Re: I'm in such denial! Afraid to have a D&C - just in case!
 
*hugs*

Do what you feel is best hun. waiting, as long as there is no infection, has no ill effects.

Please be sure to come back and update us when you know what is going on.

RinkMom June 1st, 2012 07:05 AM

Re: I'm in such denial! Afraid to have a D&C - just in case!
 
Hugs! I agree with Ash, do what YOU want and are comfortable with. Good luck at your appt today. hugs.

ZoePaigesMommy June 1st, 2012 07:53 AM

Re: I'm in such denial! Afraid to have a D&C - just in case!
 
:dothug:

Summer Dawn June 1st, 2012 11:05 AM

Re: I'm in such denial! Afraid to have a D&C - just in case!
 
Thanks all! I just got back from my appt. I learned some interesting news. My doctor thinks I may have been pregnant with identical twins. Something was seen in there that looked like possibly 2 yolks or cysts and two possible embryos all in one sac. We'll never know for sure, but I'm taking it. It it kind of exciting and it makes me feel better believing that this m/c happened simply because identical twins are naturally at a very high risk for miscarriage, and it's not that anything was wrong with me, per se. I had one more blood draw done just to make triple sure - last chance for a miracle, ya hearing me God?? :) And then, assuming my numbers haven't done something miraculous, next Wednesday I'm going in for the D&C. I'll be glad when this is all over with.

LisaB June 1st, 2012 10:30 PM

Re: I'm in such denial! Afraid to have a D&C - just in case!
 
I hope the bloodwork shows a healthy pregnancy is still on board. My doctors almost didn't transfer one of my embryos which didn't look like it was growing well, but they did, and it eventually turned out to be identical twins (so my RE tells me is his best guess - it didn't look like it was growing well because it was busy splitting). Thinking of you!

Summer Dawn June 4th, 2012 09:20 AM

Re: I'm in such denial! Afraid to have a D&C - just in case!
 
Well, no closure yet!! This is exhausting! Last Friday, we did one more blood draw to confirm that my HCG was dropping, and instead, it has doubled. Granted it took 2 weeks to double, but it is now at 28,500. I was 9 weeks on that day (odd, my gyno says I am 8 weeks, based on my March 30 LMP. I can't get that math to add up at all??). Anyway, according to some charts, 28,500 is still within range, but just barely. I just wish I had an answer. Today at 1pm is yet another ultrasound to see if anything has changed. :confused: At this point, I'm actually looking forward to a D&C and taking a few days off to rest and clear my mind.

LisaB June 4th, 2012 02:29 PM

Re: I'm in such denial! Afraid to have a D&C - just in case!
 
I think it's not so much the number but the rate of doubling... I wonder what's going on?? I'm so sorry you're going through this, the waiting is torture, I know! Many hugs, please KUP.

plan4fate June 4th, 2012 06:36 PM

Re: I'm in such denial! Afraid to have a D&C - just in case!
 
*hugs*

Please let us know how the ultrasounds and/or your surgery goes! Will be thinking about you!

esparando para bebé June 6th, 2012 08:07 AM

Re: I'm in such denial! Afraid to have a D&C - just in case!
 
Have you had any pain/twinges on either side? My numbers did that with my heterotopic pregnancy.

(And I have no clue how I missed this thread. Sorry!)

Summer Dawn June 6th, 2012 02:15 PM

Re: I'm in such denial! Afraid to have a D&C - just in case!
 
HI Augie - no the twinges were in my uterus. They were no different than the pregnancy twinges I get, and as I learned yesterday during my pre-op exam, my uterus was the size of a 9-10 week pregnancy - so it and the placenta was still growing as though it were a normal pregnancy! That rattled me a little. But my G.S. was only 6w5d and slowly going down in size. HCG doubling only once every 2 weeks. Never a HB or FP seen.

I had my D&C this morning. I thought I was being brave and resolved, but in the pre-op room when I was changing into my gown, I started crying and felt almost panicked. I wanted to change my mind and go home. :( Everyone at the hospital was so great with me. Patient, loving, kind. My husband held my hand the whole time. Everyone made sure I knew that it was 100% my choice, with no repurcussions if I cancelled. I was afraid of the anaesthesia and actual surgery and I was emotionally hurting because I felt like I was having an abortion, even when such a thing was not technically possible if there never was a baby. After I cleared my head a bit, I decided to go forward with it. How many more weeks of this waiting and uncertainty would I endure before my body got the memo and started to naturally m/c? It had already been almost a month of waiting.

I am home now, resting. So far, it's going a lot easier than I thought it would. Minimal bleeding and cramping. A little tired from being put under. A little sad. But in hindsight I am actually very glad I put on my big girl pants and just did it. *tears*

Thanks for reading this long update. :)

esparando para bebé June 6th, 2012 02:17 PM

Re: I'm in such denial! Afraid to have a D&C - just in case!
 
:dothug:

plan4fate June 6th, 2012 04:00 PM

Re: I'm in such denial! Afraid to have a D&C - just in case! (Final Update Post #11)
 
*hugs*

ShesaDreamer June 7th, 2012 08:44 AM

Re: I'm in such denial! Afraid to have a D&C - just in case! (Final Update Post #11)
 
:hug:

LisaB June 7th, 2012 09:21 PM

Re: I'm in such denial! Afraid to have a D&C - just in case! (Final Update Post #11)
 
So many hugs.


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