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-   -   What do you wish you had done? (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f198-stillbirth/1577902-what-do-you-wish-you-had-done.html)

Delekatala May 28th, 2009 02:55 PM

What do you wish you had done?
 
I know that Eddy and I are very lucky. We got a lot of wonderful photos from NILMDTS, I gave Genevive a lovely bath. We spent a lot of time with her. But I still sit around thinking it wasn't enough. What regrets or wishes do you have?

My biggest is :

I wish I had done her foot and handprints myself. I would have done several sets and made sure they were perfect (the one set we got her hands are smudged). That way I could have a set for the scrapbook, and for a picture frame. one set just isn't enough.

I would have spent more time with her, We did spend a lot, but I knew I wasn't really ready to give her back. I felt pressured even though no one was pressuring me.

rebeccabaltimore and more May 28th, 2009 05:07 PM

Re: What do you wish you had done?
 
I would have spent more time with him. And I would have smiled in at least one of the pictures. I thought I wasn't supposed to smile while holding in pictures.

As for NILMDTS - those jerks wouldn't come, because he was 18 weeks. My sister called and begged them, but Ethan was 2 weeks too early. One of these days I'm going to write them an angry letter.

laurakatee May 28th, 2009 05:07 PM

Re: What do you wish you had done?
 
I would have insisted they do his handprints.
I would have spent more time with him (I gave him back when his eyes started bleeding)
I think I should have unwrapped him but I also think that would have been hard because his skin was so badly damaged from him having been gone so long.

I was in such shock. I walked into the hospital thinking I had two healthy babies and was just getting checked out-to being told my son was dead and I'd be having an emergency c-section to deliver Logan and get Ella out alive. When I did get to hold him I'd just been through a c-section where I'd been drugged because I was freaking out, not to mention it was the middle of the night and I was absolutely mentally and physically exhausted and shocked..

NutMeg76 May 28th, 2009 05:40 PM

Re: What do you wish you had done?
 
My things I would have done differently had to do with before he was born. I would have gone in to get checked sooner when I felt his movements dwindling. But, I had an anterior placenta so I thought I just didn't feel him. I *know there was nothing they could do to save him, but I still wish I had done something, maybe they could have helped him live longer.

silver11princess May 28th, 2009 06:00 PM

Re: What do you wish you had done?
 
I wish with all my heart that I would have taken a ton more pictures and would have undressed Robert and memorized every detail. I also wish I had taken more time with him and had him sleep in the same room with us. I wish I could've dressed him myself and put my own little hat on him... Oh what I would give to go back and see him again:(

grlpisces May 28th, 2009 07:02 PM

Re: What do you wish you had done?
 
I found it very, very difficult to concentrate fully on Noah when I finally did hold him. I had a C-section just two hours prior so that both Noah and Julia could be delivered. I was recovering back in the very delivery room they had checked me into when the perinatologist told me he couldn't find Noah's heartbeat. I was in a horrible frame of mind because I didn't expect to deliver two months early let alone hear that my son was dead.

* I wish I had known about NILMDTS.
* I wish I had more time to hold Noah (there was a limit because we had elected to have an autopsy performed on him).
* I wish I had taken pictures of ALL of him and not just his blanket-wrapped body.
* I wish I had his handprints; his hands and fingers were perfect.
* I wish I got to bathe him, to dress him, to kiss him more than I did :(
* I wish I didn't have to hear my OB tell the Anesthesiologist "call it" followed by the Anesthesiologists announcement of "10:41 a.m." I vividly remember that detail in the OR; it was when my OB delivered Noah.

Brittanie May 28th, 2009 08:26 PM

Re: What do you wish you had done?
 
I wish, oh I wish, that I had taken up my coworker on her offer to take my place at work the night she passed, so I could go to the hospital because I felt like something "wasn't right." I decided to just wait and see what happened in the morning. By morning, my baby was dead.

I wish I had known about NILMDTS.

I wish I had a picture of both me and DH holding her together.

LaLaLa1 May 28th, 2009 10:19 PM

Re: What do you wish you had done?
 
I regret not holding her right away. The nurse asked me as soon as she was born if I would like to hold her first and then dress her or dress her first and then hold her and I said dress her first. I wish I had held her first and seen her entire body. It was so overwhelming for me at that moment and I couldn't think clearly and I had her cute little pink outfit ready that at the time I wanted her put in that right away. But I never took a look at her whole body and for that, I will forever regret :( I am so grateful that I did hold her head as I was literally giving birth (may sound weird, but it gave me comfort).

I also regret not having more photos of the 3 of us as a family. We have 2 I think and we both look so miserable (b/c like Rebecca said, we thought we weren't supposed to smile while holding her.) As much of a loss it is to us, she is still the joy in our lives, so I really, really wish I could have smiled in the pictures.) It's funny though, I was smiling the whole day while holding her (I made sure not to cry too much b/c I wanted to cherish every single moment), but as soon as the camera came out, I didn't think it would be appropriate to smile. grrr.

claire1979 May 29th, 2009 12:32 AM

Re: What do you wish you had done?
 
i wish i had taken more pictures
i wish that id have gotton a clay print of her hands and feet
i wish id have undressed her i was frightened to do so
i wish id have bathed her
i could go on and on

heathernoel May 29th, 2009 02:29 AM

Re: What do you wish you had done?
 
I don't have too many with Jonah, except getting hand and foot casts, and not being able to keep him :(

With Marshall...well, it's a bad day, so I won't get started. I regret everything. I have NOTHING except a few measley pics :(

SarahBethsMommy May 29th, 2009 06:24 AM

Re: What do you wish you had done?
 
I wish a lot of things too. I was on mag and so out of it! My eyes were so fuzzy I couldn't focus on him.
I wish I'd undressed him and looked closely at all of him.
I wish I'd known about NILMDTS
I wish I had pictures of me smiling with him
I wish I had a picture of my husband holding him (he didn't want one)
Lots lots more

lex1078 May 29th, 2009 07:30 AM

Re: What do you wish you had done?
 
I wish for a lot of things also.

I wish I could have gotten better pictures. The disposable camera that the hospital used gave me a bunch of crappy pictures. The nurse taking the pictures didn't do a good job either. I would have liked to have taken my own pictures.

I wish I knew I could have given them an outfit to put them in. The hospital just wrapped them in blankets.

I wish I spent more time with them. I was so scared. I held them before I was transferred to my room for the night, but the nurse wouldn't leave me and DH alone and I didn't like that.

I wish I could have gotten better footprints too.

There's so much more and I don't want to drone on for too long.


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