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LifesGood December 31st, 2012 05:09 AM

Intro and my story
 
Hi I'm Carrie. I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old and in September of this year I found out that I was pregnant with our much wanted 3rd. The pregnancy was only a little different in that my morning sickness was less and that I lost a lot of weight. But emotionally I was feeling different in wasn't bonding right and I was havin issues sticking to the diet I have to be on when I am pregnant which is not like me.

At 12 weeks I did the ips screening which is the NT scan for the neck measurement and blood work at week 12 and 15. 2 days after the 12 week scan and blood work I got called in to my OB and referred to the hospital for genetic counselling.

My risk for having a baby with Down's syndrome was about 1 in 1000 due to my age but with my NT measurement and first blood work there was now a 50/50 chance.

We opted for an amnio in mid December at 15 weeks and 2 days later found out my baby girl whom I named Leigha, did indeed have Down's syndrome. DH and I both felt that we would not be able to take care of Leigha properly and chose to end the pregnancy in the most humane way possible.

On December 22nd I was admitted to the hospital and dosed every 4 hours with drugs to cause labour. Leigha was born sleeping at 1:03pm on December 23. I held her and cried then we gave her back. We went home that day without my baby

The guilt is so strong that I think I have put up some sort of wall that is stopping me from fully processing what I just did and that I will never be bringing Leigha home

claire1979 January 1st, 2013 10:25 AM

Re: Intro and my story
 
Oh Carrie i'm so sorry to have to welcome you here (()) And i'm sorry for your loss. You have come to the right place the ladies here are fantastic, a little bit quiet here at the moment but i'm thinking thats a good thing.
My name is Claire i'm co host here and i lost my baby daughter Jessica in june 2005 her name is Jessica.

LifesGood January 1st, 2013 11:24 AM

Re: Intro and my story
 
I recognize your screen name. I think you have made some siggies for me before. I am sorry about Jessica. I realize how every experience is so different. I feel like I shouldn't be as upset as someone who unexpectedly lost their baby especially later on I. The pregnancy.

As hard as it is for me to accept the decision was made out of love and Leigha was born nonetheless. The whole delivery experience was pretty traumatic so I am not coping well yet.

I recognize your screen name. I think you have made some siggies for me before. I am sorry about Jessica. I realize how every experience is so different. I feel like I shouldn't be as upset as someone who unexpectedly lost their baby especially later on I. The pregnancy.

As hard as it is for me to accept the decision was made out of love and Leigha was born nonetheless. The whole delivery experience was pretty traumatic so I am not coping well yet.

claire1979 January 2nd, 2013 04:27 AM

Re: Intro and my story
 
Hi Carrie, yes i do make siggie's and remember making you a few.

Hun you have nothing to feel guilty about, you lost your baby however that may have happened you still lost a very much wanted and loved baby.

LifesGood January 2nd, 2013 08:24 AM

Re: Intro and my story
 
Thanks Claire. You're right she was loved and is missed. I hope things will get better soon

claire1979 January 3rd, 2013 02:36 AM

Re: Intro and my story
 
((())) Things become easier with time, i would never forget Jessica and the pain is the same but its become a lot easier to bare. Its almost 8 years for me and i have more happy days than sad. i do get the days where i cry but they are few.

~Laurie~ January 5th, 2013 06:27 PM

Re: Intro and my story
 
I'm sorry to have to welcome you here, Carrie. I followed your post in the May DDC, and it broke my heart to see how you were treated. I've had two stillbirths, my daughter (Evangeline) in June 2008, and my son (Declan) in August 2009. I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter, and I hope you are able to get past the guilt, as grief is a heavy enough burden. It has been quiet here, and I am guilty of being a rather sporadic member, but these ladies have helped me so much.

LifesGood January 7th, 2013 07:39 AM

Re: Intro and my story
 
I am surpried how many people I am finding who ended up seeing what happened in the May DDC. Thanks for the kind words


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