I wanted to ask you ladies if you all recieved a birth certificate or a death certificate because I received neither one. I read online a few days ago that in Florida they are supposed to give you the option of receiving a Cerificate of Birth Resulting in Stillbirth, and after I came home from the hospital I received a call asking me questions required for the death certificate, but yet I never received anything of the sort. Have any of you ladies experienced this same issue?
I also wanted to share with you something that I wrote today at the spur of the moment. I don't know why I wrote it, but maybe I'll need it for something one day.
Huh? The words I hear so very often, when someone we know asks where the baby is, and we reply that he was stillborn. When I say "he's dead," I feel like a little piece of myself is also, but how do you explain to someone that your baby has died before he was born, when it's so hard to understand yourself?
Society doesn't speak about this silent killer in baby books, or during doctor's visits, women don't talk about it in the waiting rooms of clinics. It's not spoken of but yet it daily rips apart dreams and futures. One out of every one-hundred and fifteen pregnancies result in stillbirth, a number that shocked me, because once you get past the third or fourth month in your pregnancy you are automatically doned, "out of the woods." But in reality there is no "out of the woods" stage. When your pregnancy is progressing wonderfully and you start to prepare the nursery with colors, cribs, and cradles, when you're belly is getting so big that you feel as though you'll pop at any time, at those times you don't think that all of you dreams and desires for this new little baby are about to be crushed. When the doctor looks at you during an ultrasound and says those horrible three words, "I'm so sorry," you wonder why didn't anyone tell me about this, why did I not know it was possible? Your life as you knew it and planned it, over.
Some people look at stillbirth nonchalantly, as if those children did not really exist. But to you and me they did. We knew their every move, when they had the hiccups, or when they were taking a nap, we knew when they were getting cranky because they were hungry, we felt elbows and knees on a daily basis, we felt love and we always knew. They were a part of our lives, our dreams, our futures, and they still are. They will affect the way we love, plan, look at life. They will affect how deeply passionate we are about future children, they will make us better mother's and father's, aunts and uncles, they will make us better daughters and sons. They will forever change us.
Our lives now are empty and at times nonexistent. The lives of mother's and father's of stillborn babies are so different. Our hearts are somewhere else...with our children, but our minds...our minds have to deal with reality. Life does not stand still because of grief or sadness. The world goes on without us. When we leave the hospital with empty arms, and feel as though the world may have stopped for that moment, it hasn't. During the drive home you still see other pregnant women laughing and enjoying life, other's have no clue the pain and heartache that you are experiencing, you wonder if the world even cares?
My story is quiet similar to many that I have read. We were young and full of life, young but anixiously awaiting the arrival of our baby boy. We had given him a name, Dawson, and his middle name special because it was his grandfather's, Darrel, Darrel was also special because it meant dearly, beloved. He was our life, our love. A hassel free pregnancy was all I had experienced. Except for the usual aches and pains that anyone would experience carrying around an extra 60 lbs., I was entered into the "low risk" category. To give a little bit of extra history, of how we came about finding out about our little man, and the trials we went through in our own personal lives, I'll start by saying everything was always a surprise. After a major car accident in April of 2006 I was taken to our local hospital by ambulance. During the routine questions that they always ask, they came upon a question that I was less sure of, "When was your last menstrual cycle, do you think you're pregnant?" A few hours later, by a urine and blood test, it was confirmed that I was pregnant. Stephen and I were as I said young but excited. We wed in June and were due to have Dawson on Christmas day 2006. Making it on our own and loving each other, we were set and ready for anything. So we thought. On August 21 I woke not feeling very well, the day passed and I hadn't heard from my husband all day, and something in my gut was making me anxious and nervous. I kept busy at work and didn't think anything of it until I got called to the front of our office to take a phone call. I answered the phone with our standard greeting and was quickly interrupted by someone telling me to get to our church. Not recognizing the voice, though I quickly realized that that someone was my husband. The next words that came out of his mouth were the words that have since changed our whole lives. "My dad got killed." I left my car at work and as a friend drove me to our church, over and over in my head I replayed what he had told me, I just knew that I was dreaming, or that there had to be some kind of mistake. My father-in-law, my husband's best friend, gone? No way. There was a way and it was true, he passed on August 21 sometime in the early morning, while driving his semi to Texas he ran off the road and was killed, the autoposy ruled, blunt trauma to the head, but in our hearts we feel as though he was already gone. The months following were so difficult. We decided to move out of our little house and move in with my sister-in-law while we awaited arrival of the baby, and to help out as much as we could with Stephen's mom. We made the decision to remodel his mom and dad's home to where Stephen and I could live there, along with his mom and little sister. After the death of Stephen's dad the one place that we found hope and happiness was in the awaited arrival of Dawson. Everyone talked about it. Dawson wasn't just ours, he was our whole families. My sister-in-law threw me a huge, elaborate shower, more then I could have ever asked for. As time got closer I found more and more hope in knowing that this baby would bring joy and happiness back into our family, not expecting what was set before us. Sometimes I wonder if God allowed Dawson to still be with me through Thanksgiving so that we could enjoy that one last special time with our family all together. Going to the day after thanksgiving sale was a fun experience, a first for both myself and the baby. Donna bought him a Gravedigger monster truck, something that Darrel had wanted to buy for him for so long, even though he wouldn't even be able to reach the peddals for a few years to come. Little did I know though, Dawson would never even get to see it, so to this day it sits put away awaiting another special little boy. That Friday was the last day that I believe Dawson was with us, he moved so much, and I find comfort somehow in knowing that it was his way of telling us goodbye. Saturday went by and I slept all day, not paying attention to how little he was moving, but by Sunday afternoon I knew that something was going terribly wrong. I felt no movement at all, and late Sunday evening we finally decided to go to the hospital to check things out. I thought we may come home with a baby in our arms, never did we expect to leave with nothing. On November 28, 2006 after 42 hours of induced labor, Dawson Darrel Newton was born sleeping, 5lbs 2oz 19 inches long, a big beautiful baby boy. The love of my life, laid in my arms silent and unbelievably perfect. I had never laid my eyes on perfection until then. Taken away from us so quickly and finally laid to rest on January 14, 2007, next to his grandpa Darrel, out in the country by a church and a farm, peaceful and beautiful, perfect for him.
We will never know what took our baby boy from us, as the autoposy revealed no known cause of death, but through his memory I will make sure that awarness about stillbirth is raised to extensive heights. No one should go into a pregnancy uneducated about something so serious and life changing. More research and awarness has to become available to expectant women, and women who have already experienced a loss such as this. I never knew anything about stillbirth until after I experienced it myself, and all knowlege that I obtained was through extensive research.
Not one memory of our children that have left this Earth will ever be forgotten. We will hold them in our hearts until we meet them again, but until then someone can make a difference in honor and in memory of those precious angels, gone yet not forgotten. Hopefully I can be one of those special someones. Hopefully I can make my baby boy proud.
I wear a necklace around my neck, on it is a picture of an angel, his name... is Dawson.
In Loving Memory
of our baby angel born sleeping
Dawson Darrel Newton
November 28, 2006
"An Angel in the Book of Life,
wrote down our baby's birth...
She whispered as she closed the book,
too beautiful for Earth."
Kaleigh, that is beautiful and well said! I'm so sorry that any of us have had to go through this. My thoughts are with you and your family.
im so very sorry for the loss of precious dawson im always so very saddened to read that another angel has passed your story i read with tears because i remember i have been there too ...i lost my little girl on june 17th 05 she was born sleeping.
what you wrote hun couldnt be more right its such a taboo subject and never gets spoken about and it really needs to be aware.....im so sorry
Oh that was beautiful. I am sitting here soaked in tears. So well written, and of course it really hit home. Just beautiful. As for the birth/death certificate...one of the SHARE counselors at our hospital made me a birth certificate. Like a frameable one. But I don't have anything legal or anything. No birth or death. I will probably get in touch with them and ask them about it. I know I did fill out the paperwork for Emilee's certificate of birth resulting in stillbirth. So obviously she does have one. I just don't have it. Maybe you should contact the hospital. But again, beautifully written story. Beautiful.
I couldn't finish reading that today. Maybe it's because Cora would have been 1 on Wednesday, and it's just hitting me hard today.
But I wanted to answer your question about certificates. The state of Idaho requires you to buy them from the state department of vital records. If I had done it, it would have cost me $26 to get a certificate of Stillbirth. I can still order one I guess, I just haven't ever done it.
I'll have to do the same thing for the birth certificate for this baby. The hospital gave me a "comemorative" certificate of birth for Cora, but the state requires you to purchase the official one. Go figure.
I am sorry that you had to join us but welcome. I am very sorry to hear of Dawson.
I was 23 weeks, I actualy got a fetal death cetificate. I asked the funeral director to pick me up a copy when he went to pick up the baby.
You could try calling, the hospital, the city hall in the town the hospital is in. There has to be a record, I know where I live 20 weeks and further requires something.
first off I want to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boy :( My son was actually due 12-26 of 2005 but we lost him at 24wks. I was able to get his stillbirth/death certificate through the hospital. I just went down and asked for a copy and they gave it to me and actually when we picked up his ashes from the mortuary they too gave us a copy of it.
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