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-   -   swats, spankings---if you use (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f181-traditional-parenting/630642-swats-spankings-if-you-use.html)

maximabella July 2nd, 2007 12:24 PM

If you spank, at what age did you start?

I know there are mixed views on spanking, and I am not against it, if its used the correct way.

My daughter is 15 mons, and sometimes I use a swat to the hand to get the point across when no isnt working, especially if it is something she is holding/doing with her hand.
HOWEVER, she doesnt seem to care.

Im probably teaching her to hit as well :confused:


whats your thoughts????

Frelle July 2nd, 2007 01:40 PM

some will find this odd, as I am one of the cohosts on the AP forum... but...

I spank on the bottom. I do not hit or tap or slap on the hand.

I do not think it disrespects them. I do not think it shows that I can't control my anger and find a different way to get them to listen. It is a disciplinary tool. It is not the one I use for every little misbehaviour.

We don't tend to spank until around 20 months to age 2. Redirection works pretty well. My oldest got spanks on the early end of that, and my younger two got spanks on the older end of that. My younger two are more complaint by nature, and are not boundary pushers.

We spank for defiance, verbal disrespect of mom or dad, and lying. We do corner standing for time outs, and we do "go to your room" for having tantrums or needing to cool off. My oldest is more defiant and disrespectful, and rarely just plain old disobeys. so she gets spanks more often than time outs. My middle one is 4, nd she gets more general time outs and fewer spanks, because she is not disrespectful or defiant very often. My little one doesnt do much wrong yet. I think DH has spanked her one time because she was defiant, he told her to come here or stop doing something and she said NO and did it again. But that's the only time I can think of.

So, there are my thoughts.

I do see how a child would learn to hit others if his hand were slapped, so we havent ever done that. I do not see my child spanking other children after being spanked on the butt for discipline. I do not see that teaching them to hit.

I am an anomaly among APers in that I have zero problem with spanking as a disciplinary tool.

mommas2favs July 2nd, 2007 03:22 PM

Quote:

If you spank, at what age did you start?

I know there are mixed views on spanking, and I am not against it, if its used the correct way.

My daughter is 15 mons, and sometimes I use a swat to the hand to get the point across when no isnt working, especially if it is something she is holding/doing with her hand.
HOWEVER, she doesnt seem to care.

Im probably teaching her to hit as well :confused:


whats your thoughts????[/b]
Joe and I both agree that we use Time outs first. We use a two strike system. If she offends on the same problem twice she receives time outs (2 minutes each), however the third is a spanking. We remove swat her bottom, and remove her completely from the situation. We don't spank her hard enough to make her cry, but hard enough to get the point across. My daughter is 20 months as of tomorrow.

Have you tried saying "STOP" instead of "NO"? When we want Belle to stop doing something we ask her not to, we tell her STOP and remove her from whatever it was we didn't want her doing. We use STOP, with each timeout, and then NO with her spanking.

I don't think you're teaching your child to hit, and even if so, she might have learned it later on from other children. So that's nothing to concern yourself with. What you should concern yourself with is the same punishment for the same crime and be persistant with it.

wolfpack July 2nd, 2007 05:06 PM

We do it a bit younger for different types of situations. I pretty much agree with Frelle and Lilly though.

We have spanked younger for things like trying to touch the stove or trying to play with an electrical outlet. That has been about 14-15mths and redirection didn't work. They just kept going back.

Other than that it has been about 18mths with us. That is just when our boys seem to "get" and/or need the beginnings of that discipline. My eldest son (5) has had his mouth swatted before for his mouthy attitude (talking back, yelling at us, screaming fits, etc.). But mostly it is on his rear-end. And yes, they have cried. Typically because they know that they are in trouble!

Frelle July 2nd, 2007 07:04 PM

wanted to add... I have found when they are small that "hands off" as a descriptor rather than the abstract 'no" is helpful.

mommas2favs July 3rd, 2007 09:33 AM

Quote:

wanted to add... I have found when they are small that "hands off" as a descriptor rather than the abstract 'no" is helpful.[/b]
Really? That's interesting. I'll have to try that!

maximabella July 3rd, 2007 12:32 PM

i started trying 'stop' yesterday........we will see

Laney21 July 3rd, 2007 03:01 PM

Quote:

My daughter is 15 mons, and sometimes I use a swat to the hand to get the point across when no isnt working, especially if it is something she is holding/doing with her hand.
HOWEVER, she doesnt seem to care.[/b]
If it is something she is doing/holding with her hand and "NO" and or the swat to the hand are not getting through to her, then I would try physically taking her hand away (or thing out of her hand) while saying no, and redirect her to a toy, activity or another room.

I use spanking as a last resort, so I don't have a specific age that I started at. Time-outs and standing in the corner worked really well for my dd, and as long as they work I will keep doing that when needed. She has had 2 spankings in her life, when her tantrums were out of control and she was disrespecting me. My DS is 20 months and he has had a swat on the diaper for climbing on top of the kitchen table. At his age, I don't think it would accomplish anything to use it as a punishment, so I would only give him a swat for doing something dangerous.

But every child is different so she may respond to it at this age. Whatever you decide to do, be consistent!!! That is the most important thing.

Good luck!

collins1977 July 5th, 2007 01:58 PM

Mine were between 12 and 24 months when they got hand/leg swats for the first time. As for an over the knee spanking, they were 3 or 4.

AshesL78 July 5th, 2007 11:11 PM

If you spank, at what age did you start? I started swatting on the hand as soon as they were big enough to start getting into things that could hurt them. I started swatting on the behind after they started walking. We also use time outs. I use grounding, taking away privilages, etc. for Zachary.




MamaAshley July 6th, 2007 05:14 AM

We just started swatting Kylie on the thigh to the other b/c she bit my DH on the leg really hard (in anger). I tried so hard not to laugh at him! He swatted her leg, she screamed and wouldn't look at him for like 20 minutes, LOL! BTW Kylie is 15 months old...

Mommy217 July 6th, 2007 08:36 PM

We spank.. I wouldnt calling it spanking tho.. everyone is like OHH my - you should do time out. blah.. we do time outs too but some times that just doesnt work.. we only "pop" if they dont listen and its really importaint somehting that could possible hurt them.. or if they (16 months twins) keep fighting - mostly over toys, I try moving them apart, giving them different toys, take the toy away, time out THen its pop.. they have starting these "toddler fits" we just act like we dont notice ..

Laney21 July 18th, 2007 06:58 AM

Quote:

i started trying 'stop' yesterday........we will see[/b]

How's it going? I hope you're having more luck!!

Jami&Marshall July 18th, 2007 07:44 AM

My son is almost (I think we started at 18 months) 21 months old and we really only use spanking for serious repeat offenses and we swat him once on the bottom, so that it scares him and not necessarily hurts him. I generally try redirection first and then I count to 3 and usually by the time I get to 3 he stops what he is doing and moves on to something else. Right now, very few things warrant a swat on the diaper; this is generally reserved for him doing something that could hurt him, like touching the stove or playing with the cords to the blinds, which are things that we have drilled into his head from day 1 not to get near. My husband has swatted his hands before for things that we have asked him to stop doing more than a couple times and that actually gets his attention. I also use the word "STOP" instead of no and that really seems to grab his attention much better than "NO".

MDS0307 July 18th, 2007 07:59 AM

Quote:

We spank for defiance, verbal disrespect of mom or dad, and lying. We do corner standing for time outs, and we do "go to your room" for having tantrums or needing to cool off.[/b]
:ditto: to that! thats why we spank. and we do 'go to your room/bed' when there are crying/whining tantrums.

When Mikaela was 1-2 we spatted on her hand and told her NO. Then when she was over 2, we started spanking on her bottom.

BensMom July 18th, 2007 08:20 PM

Quote:

Quote:

We spank for defiance, verbal disrespect of mom or dad, and lying. We do corner standing for time outs, and we do "go to your room" for having tantrums or needing to cool off.[/b]
:ditto: to that! thats why we spank. and we do 'go to your room/bed' when there are crying/whining tantrums.

When Mikaela was 1-2 we spatted on her hand and told her NO. Then when she was over 2, we started spanking on her bottom.
[/b]
:ditto:

I'm probably backwards from the norm. I spank first and do time out second. When he does something wrong, I smack the offending part (hand for grabbing something, calf for kicking something, thigh for attitude adjustments... but only because we use cloth diapers so bottom swats can't even be felt!). The only time Ben gets time outs is when he's had a major meltdown and needs to cool off. We do 1 minute per year of age, so right now, we're still doing 1 minute. When that minute is up, we don't continue to say no or whatever. We give him a hug and let him go on about his business. What's done is done. To me, especially in younger children, disciplinary action has to be clear and swift. You can't sit a 12-24 mo old down and explain why they shouldn't do something. You just have to nip it in the bud and leave it at that. We let little things slide occasionally just because we didn't get to the problem in time to fix it and he wouldn't have a clue why we're upset (like casually finding the remote control on the floor with the batteries knocked out... touching the remote is a big no-no around here :lol:), but attitude, disrespect, tantrums, etc. are never, ever tolerated!

Laney21 July 19th, 2007 05:46 AM

Quote:

The only time Ben gets time outs is when he's had a major meltdown and needs to cool off. We do 1 minute per year of age, so right now, we're still doing 1 minute. When that minute is up, we don't continue to say no or whatever. We give him a hug and let him go on about his business. What's done is done. To me, especially in younger children, disciplinary action has to be clear and swift. You can't sit a 12-24 mo old down and explain why they shouldn't do something. You just have to nip it in the bud and leave it at that. We let little things slide occasionally just because we didn't get to the problem in time to fix it and he wouldn't have a clue why we're upset (like casually finding the remote control on the floor with the batteries knocked out... touching the remote is a big no-no around here :lol:), but attitude, disrespect, tantrums, etc. are never, ever tolerated![/b]
:ditto: ITA with this.

PeanutandPiglet'sMom July 19th, 2007 09:39 AM

We never needed to spank Kaylee but once Vanessa got to 10 months and started walking...she was and still is into EVERYTHING!!!

It's usually a swat on her hand if touching soemthing or doing somethins she should'nt....but now...I'm going to try the "Hands OFF" bit. "No" doesn't work and same with "Stop!" and the swatting I 'm thinking, is probablywhat has made her a hitter! :blush: and it's my fault. :(

Great advice ladies!

melandherboys July 19th, 2007 10:22 AM

Wow, what a subject! :D

It took me a long time to realize that there were types of "spanking" that were ok.. I was abused as a child,and so was my husband,so,when we were pregnant w/Clay,we had agreed NO spanking!! Well.. than I realized theres a right way,and obviously a wrong way... Even now,at 3.5, Clay has only gotten a handful of "real" spankings.. we usually use time outs or take away privlages and that seems to get the message across more-so, tha spanking. We started the following "rules" with him around 18 months or so..
Here's how things work for us w/Clayman:

He gets a "stop" or a "don't do that" etc...
Than he gets a warning "if I have to talk to you again, you will take a time out"
If he still isn't listening.. Time out it is.. (3mins 'cuz he's 3) if he takes the time out like a big boy, all is done and over with,we explain why we had the time out,sorrys are said,kisses and hugs are given,and off we go.. if he chooses not to take the time out,than he gets something taken away (tv time,movie,V-smile)
If we are still just NOT wanitng to get w/the program, it's time for a spanking.. like I said. I can count the times on one hand how often we've had to do this.
It's just one "pop" on the bottom. We always tell him why he's getting a "pop",and always tell him we love him,and that we have to obey... It's SUPER important to me that my children know that there is a wrong way of "spanking" and a wrong way.. my parents, along w/my inlaws,never did it the "right" way,never told me(or dh) they loved me (us) etc...

As far as for Carson goes..we just get little pops on the hand for now,and "no no's" He's going to be my "hard one" tho.. we're 13 months and already enjoy throwing tantrums,hitting brother,and our newest thing.. BITING.. AHHH.. I'm in for it w/that one ;)

Well, there's my .02 on the sujbect ;)

BensMom July 19th, 2007 12:06 PM

Quote:

It took me a long time to realize that there were types of "spanking" that were ok...[/b]
I hear that a lot actually. It's amazing how many people probably think we "beat our babies." :rolleyes: My family was in town last week during my surgery. I remember as a child, my dad would take off his belt and spank our bottoms with it. We had a wooden paddle that the teacher used at school. I told my parents that I'll only use my hand with Ben because these days, using an object other than your hand ... even if it's the traditional paddle! ... is grounds for a bogus assault case! :angry2: We have a woman at church who uses a wooden spoon instead of a paddle. My mom used to keep a peach tree switch in the book rack of the pew at church. :lol: As long as the "spanking" is age appropriate, it's not abuse.


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