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-   -   Depressed and pissed off now (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f74-trying-to-conceive-medical-assistance/1880651-depressed-and-pissed-off-now.html)

Daisee37 February 19th, 2010 12:19 PM

Depressed and pissed off now
 
So, that cyst I have left over... well, it's not active (i.e. not producing progesterone), but my RE is still refusing to go ahead with another cycle because he doesn't want to get confused when monitoring me - he said that if he saw a 18mm follicle, he wouldnt know if it was a follicle ready to trigger or the cyst on its way down. His reasoning makes sense, but I'm so pissed of with how conservative he is! He had me trigger with only 1 mature follicle because he was afraid that if we waited, I'd have 4 mature follicles (despite the fact that the American literature suggests 4 follicles for IUI). Now he wants to lower my dose for next time... whereas I wanted to INCREASE it. If he's afraid of triggering if he sees an 18mm "thing", and he's afraid it's the inactive cyst, then why not just trigger when there are 3 "things" that way we know at least 2 of them are follicles?

I guess the cruelest part of this is that for the next 28 days I'll be on BIRTH CONTROL, and then we'll check back in a month to see if the cyst went away. It just feels like a cruel joke, putting someone who's dying to get pregnant on birth control. Seriously - I think that's hurting more than anything. I'm just so sad... no baby, not a chance at even trying this month, and now I get to be on birth control too. My RE back in Chicago was so much more aggressive, and sometimes I wish I could just go back there for the next few months until we get pg again. I had cysts the last time, and that RE went ahead and did another IUI - and that was the cycle I got pg with my son. In comparison, I feel like this RE is doing nothing. I HATE doing nothing, and I hate waiting... I'd rather cycle and get another BFN than do nothing at all.

OK, well thanks for listening to me vent. I'm just so upset with how today has turned out, I'm not sure what to do, other than pour my feelings out here.

ttcmymiracle February 19th, 2010 01:12 PM

Re: Depressed and pissed off now
 
Awww I am sooo sorry! ((HUGS)) I know how you feel and nothing makes sense so many times. It is sooo irritating! Why cant this just happen??? I almost got put on bc one cycle because i had a cyst too, it was so frustrating. I hope everything works out and next cycle everything is exactly how it needs to be and you get that BFP!!! Maybe talk to another RE? U can always vent here that is what we r here for. ((HUGS))

KMH February 19th, 2010 01:15 PM

Re: Depressed and pissed off now
 
I'm so sorry :dothug: I was put on BCP twice during my IUIs for cysts, and I felt the same way...it was the most cruel possible thing to have to do. I hated doing nothing, and I hated the way the BCP made me feel. You are definitely not alone if feeling supremely frustrated with your situation.

I don't have any great advice...I wish I did. I guess try to enjoy the month off if you can. Despite my frustration and anger at being on BCP, it was kind of nice to have a month off from testing and worrying and doctors. Mentally and physically, MA takes such a toll that sometimes a break (even a forced one) can be a real lifesaver.

Good luck, and I hope that the BCP works its magic quickly!

Kari_B February 19th, 2010 04:04 PM

Re: Depressed and pissed off now
 
Oh HUGS! I have totally been there. The whole BCP while TTC thing is just crappy. I hope the next month flies by for you and you are able to start back all refreshed and ready to get that BFP you deserve!



*** On a side note... I looks like we are neighbors. I'm about an hour north of you :) ***

Daisee37 February 19th, 2010 10:27 PM

Re: Depressed and pissed off now
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Kari_B (Post 19127319)
Oh HUGS! I have totally been there. The whole BCP while TTC thing is just crappy. I hope the next month flies by for you and you are able to start back all refreshed and ready to get that BFP you deserve!



*** On a side note... I looks like we are neighbors. I'm about an hour north of you :) ***

Where in MN are you?

I don't know if my last RE was really irresponsible, or this RE is just way too conservative. I remember 3 years ago I ALWAYS had cysts after each cycle, and that NEVER stopped us. That RE said as long as the cysts were inactive, we could go ahead with the next cycle. This RE seems unwilling to fo forward with a cycle if there's any cyst above 30mm, regardless of whether it's active or not. The cyst I have now is NOT producing estrogen, so it wouldn't technically interfere except that the RE wouldn't be able to tell on ultrasound which follicle was the cyst vs. which is an active maturing follicle. I'm not sure if I should start looking for a new RE that is more in line with my feelings on this. I really liked how aggressive my last RE was, and it WORKED (I have a son now). But she was in Chicago, and I don't know if I'll find one here that is as aggressive. I don't know if maybe the octomom changed how aggressive RE's will be.

I'm thinking that maybe over this next month I should call around and see if other RE's would be willing to cycle with an inactive cyst, so that if it happens again I can just switch clinics. Since I KNOW that EVERY time I cycle, I get cysts, I don't want to have to take a month off each time. I don't like the idea of switching clinics since the one I go to now is geographically the most convenient, but the doctor just really rubbed me the wrong way on the phone today. He was totally insensitive, didn't really seem to care about my concerns, and absolutely refused to budge in any way. I'm just not sure what to do right now. Maybe give him one more cycle, and then if he decides not to proceed again b/c of a cyst, then switch clinics? Or what about switching doctors within a clinic - is that OK? Or is that frowned upon? I'm so confused right now... I'm really unhappy with what's going on, and I feel like I'm just wasting a month for no good reason.

Kholmes February 20th, 2010 07:08 AM

Re: Depressed and pissed off now
 
Awe sweetie, the BCPs are just a slap in the face for sure! Can you get a new doc? Sounds like he is too conservative for you. Listen to your instincts =)

Kari_B February 20th, 2010 08:45 AM

Re: Depressed and pissed off now
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Daisee37 (Post 19131343)
Where in MN are you?

I was going to PM you but can't, do you have them blocked?? I'd love to chat with you about which RE you are seeing and compare notes.

suziequep February 20th, 2010 05:37 PM

Re: Depressed and pissed off now
 
I agree with you Daisee. This cycle I had two good follies on my right side and a large cyst on my left. They had me go ahead and trigger and just told me that if I get pregnant this cycle, the cyst would go away and if I didn't get pregnant they would do an u/s on CD2 and if it was still there, then they'd put me on bc pills. The told me that they see cysts often, especially with femara and that they usually go away on their own. It may be worth asking around.

I'm sorry you are having a rough cycle this time and hang in there!

Penguin115 February 21st, 2010 05:09 AM

Re: Depressed and pissed off now
 
aww that stinks. Any other RE's in your area. After my first IUI (bfn) I had a 14mm cyst so RE made me wait a cycle. When I went back the next cycle the cyst was still there unchanged. So he let to go ahead and that was the cycle I got my bfp. Hopefully the birth control will get rid of the cyst and you can go ahead next cycle.

Angel_Maker February 21st, 2010 07:00 AM

Re: Depressed and pissed off now
 
:dothug: I'm so sorry! Another RE at my clinic did that same thing to me...it totally pissed me off because he wasn't even my RE...he just happened to be the RE that was working that weekend when I went in....I remember I cried the whole way home and almost switched RE clinics because of that.....luckily when I told MY RE, he was very upset at the other guy and PROMISED me that I'd never have to deal with any RE other than him....he stood by his promise :wub: Thank goodness!

I really really hope that this month flies by for you......TTCwMA sucks!! :(


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