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-   -   best friend rant (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f74-trying-to-conceive-medical-assistance/2639138-best-friend-rant.html)

starlitnite611 March 30th, 2013 02:32 PM

best friend rant
 
My best friend is my sister from another mother. I tell her everything. Today, I finally told her that round one of Clomid didn't work and today I started the higher dose. And that May 9th is our first appointment with RE. Her response was ' you have no idea how uncomfortable this is for me.This is just so unfair to me.' With??
Important tidbits:
* she offered to have our baby or a baby for us
* she is about to be a grandmother due to her boyfriend's teenage girlfriend
* she has asked me to come up with the name for the baby to call her
* she asked me to help plan the baby shower

I did everything she asked me to do without hesitation. But this is unfair to her... are you serious???

I am so sorry. Normally I vent to my best friend, so I have no one to vent to.


I am just so.. heartbroken... :( never excepted it for her

smsturner March 30th, 2013 02:37 PM

Re: best friend rant
 
oh no! How awful!!! How dare she!
I can't imagine how you feel right now. I would be so upset. :( I'm sorry.

I expected infertility to be hard on my marriage...but I didn't expect it to bother some of my friendships. My very best friend ended up accidently pregnant at 39 last year. I had already been trying so hard for three years. She and her boyfriend weren't even sure they'd keep it, but they did. I have to say that as hard as I tried, I couldn't be as close to her as I was before. I know she felt bad, so she didn't ask me to do anything. So I felt completely left out on top of jealous and sad and guilty about being jealous. It was really hard, and still things aren't the same.

starlitnite611 March 30th, 2013 02:54 PM

Re: best friend rant
 
I apologized and told her I wouldn't put in her in that position again. With everything else we have to deal with, it never even crossed my mind that it would effect my friendship with her. *sigh*


I am so sorry that happened to you. Fertility issues suck!

kayakr March 30th, 2013 02:59 PM

Re: best friend rant
 
Oh man ! I hate that! IRL friends just can't seem to be supportive the right way ....specially when it goes to TTCMA. I am sorry her response wasn't better and that she is making it about her instead. My BFF does the same thing and doesn't even realize it.

Lucy S. March 30th, 2013 03:16 PM

Re: best friend rant
 
Why is this unfair to her :confused: I am so confused!

One of my bestfriends that I call me "wife" is pretty much the same. Her 19yo DD just had a baby and I helped throw the baby shower with her. It sucked. When I told her we were TTC, she asked, "WHY? I can't even imagine starting over and I am trying to figure out how I am going to manage this new baby (her DD and grandDS live with her)"
I am in a different spot tho! Even tho we are similar in age, I just got married again and have tons of support. My youngest is 8 (we started TTC when he was 6yo) and wants a sibling whereas her youngest is 14yo!

I just don't talk to her about it and she doesn't ask. I admit I am hurt and bitter about it.
:dothug:

starlitnite611 March 30th, 2013 03:40 PM

Re: best friend rant
 
I don't understand this at all. I have never asked her for anything. Just for her to be there doing what we always do laugh about nothing. I am deeply sorry that I haven't been able to get pregnant for her I can't imagine the loneliness or broken feelings she must be going through. I cannot wrap my head around this.

kayakr March 30th, 2013 03:42 PM

Re: best friend rant
 
I admit I am bitter and hurt about my BFF too but I know she loves me and has always supported me otherwise. This just isn't her thing.

smsturner March 30th, 2013 04:28 PM

Re: best friend rant
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by starlitnite611 (Post 27243746)
I don't understand this at all. I have never asked her for anything. Just for her to be there doing what we always do laugh about nothing. I am deeply sorry that I haven't been able to get pregnant for her I can't imagine the loneliness or broken feelings she must be going through. I cannot wrap my head around this.

How lonely SHE is feeling? I don't understand.... IMO she's being totally unsupportive and unfair to you. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a jerk to her, but really, she sounds like the one that's out of bounds here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucy S. (Post 27243721)
Why is this unfair to her :confused: I am so confused!

One of my bestfriends that I call me "wife" is pretty much the same. Her 19yo DD just had a baby and I helped throw the baby shower with her. It sucked. When I told her we were TTC, she asked, "WHY? I can't even imagine starting over and I am trying to figure out how I am going to manage this new baby (her DD and grandDS live with her)"
I am in a different spot tho! Even tho we are similar in age, I just got married again and have tons of support. My youngest is 8 (we started TTC when he was 6yo) and wants a sibling whereas her youngest is 14yo!

I just don't talk to her about it and she doesn't ask. I admit I am hurt and bitter about it.
:dothug:

I have almost the same as you (two older and now want one together with my 'newer' hubby) and I HATE it when people ask me why I want to 'start over'!! It's just annoying.

starlitnite611 March 30th, 2013 04:32 PM

Re: best friend rant
 
It's perfectly okay with me for you to say that. I'm not trying to be overly dramatic but I don't know how to get past this. This was just too much for me today.

*Whiskey* March 30th, 2013 05:36 PM

Re: best friend rant
 
That was a little unsensitive of your friend if you ask me. Good grief.

I have been very fortunate that people have been supportive of us, particularly since we have children.

I'm also, however, not that nice when it comes to people annoying me. I probably would have said something not all that pleasant in return.

onlybygrace March 31st, 2013 02:18 AM

Re: best friend rant
 
Wow! "How unfair it is to her"??? ***?!!!!

I'd definitely stop telling her anything wbout your TTC journey from now.

Sorry you're going through this. Hugs!

Gamer_Princess March 31st, 2013 04:04 AM

Re: best friend rant
 
I am so sorry you have to go through this with IRL friend as well... My lousy bit of sister got pregnant after 2 months of trying and her husband did not want kids. He had the nerve to tell DH that he thought it would have taken longer because we have been at it for so long...

I think Gretchen said it best, some people just do not know what to think about TTC esp when MA is involved... and it is just not their thing....

I hope you and your friend can stay close even though she DID try to make this about herself.. :hug:

Lindz253 March 31st, 2013 08:14 AM

Re: best friend rant
 
I am beyond confused as how it is uncomfortable and unfair to her?? If she is supposed to be your best friend then she sure is not acting like it. Im so sorry she responded this way. About 4 close friends know that Im going to an RE and I would have been devastated if they responded that way and probably wouldn't talk to them for a while. I mean, what else are best friends supposed to be for if not to tell all your deepest feelings to?

Well, we are here for you any time you need to talk about what you are going through. Hopefully she will come around for you and be there like she is supposed to be.

JulieMc March 31st, 2013 09:21 AM

Re: best friend rant
 
Yea, I don't get how it is unfair to her? WTH. Sounds like she is being selfish and childish. The only reason I could think that it would bother her is if she had wanted or had been trying to get pregnant and couldn't herself..and maybe hearing another person going through it was bothering her? It doesn't sound like that is the case though.

I'm also very confused by this statement:

Quote:

she is about to be a grandmother due to her boyfriend's teenage girlfriend
Do you means her boyfriend has a teen daughter who's pregnant? Cuz if she has a boyfriend who has a teen girlfriend who's having a baby..that's one messed up situation, and she wouldn't be a grandma.....

loveneverfails March 31st, 2013 11:34 AM

Re: best friend rant
 
I'm also confused as to how she could see it as unfair to her.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with that. I know that I've become very distant from many of my friends since starting infertility treatments. I had one living with me during clomid and she couldn't handle the hormones. When we moved to IVF most just couldn't handle that we were available to hang out all the time anymore. I've found that since most people don't have to deal with infertility that they just don't understand how to be supportive.

starlitnite611 March 31st, 2013 11:49 AM

Re: best friend rant
 
Thank you so much for your supplrt . Yesterday was horrible for multiple reasons ( ran a horrible call & can't shake it right now). Thank you all for listening

@ Julie - her boyfriend of 4 months ( whom she and a her 8 year old son moved in with) has a son who got his teenage gf pregnant. I have told her well you aren't really a grandmother. This just leads to how jealous I am and I don't want her to be happy. So, it's just easier to say OK and called her a grandma.

cutenurse24 March 31st, 2013 04:06 PM

Re: best friend rant
 
Wow!!1 I am so sorry that your friend is not being supportive. I definitely understand how that feels. I have told a handful of people that we have been struggling with TTC and having to move onto TTC with MA. And once I mention that it just seems like they totally shut down. They don't understand how we had our DS without any issues and why should we have issues now that we just need to keep trying (UM how about the fact that DH had testicular cancer and the treatment that saved his life is also the one that royally screwed up his remaining testicle that makes sperm). I had told someone that I was really close to that we are proceeding this way and she said that we were being selfish because our future kids would probably have health issues/birth defects. So after that convo, I have pretty much stopped talking about it all together.


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