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-   -   Preparing for the hardest day of my life.... (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f74-trying-to-conceive-medical-assistance/2650379-preparing-for-hardest-day-my-life.html)

LucyAnna May 14th, 2013 03:07 AM

Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
(sorry this turned into a novel)
I think when I first came back to this board, I mentioned that I care for my mother. My father died of cancer almost 6 years ago, when I was 26. Since then, my mom and I have grown increasingly close and back in the fall she too was diagnosised with cancer. Both her and my father didnt get a "normal" clinical cancer. My dads was and still is extremely rare and for my mom, even the Mayo Clinic (the best place to go for cancer) couldnt figure out what kind of cancer it was. But I have pushed for the best care, changed her drs, scheduled her appts, taken her to every appt except 2 or 3 chemo appts, but besides her cancer dealings, I call her atleast 2-3 times a day...every day. She lives an hour from me, but I make sure she is at everything she wants to be at (i have other siblings, none of which who live close enough to help, or just dont want to help)I do whatever I can to "take care" of her, as I promised my daddy I would.
Fast forward to present day- I ended up taking my mom to the ER for pain. (her tumor at her last PET scan was an amazing 15 cms-think 1.5 times a babys head. My mother is tiny 116# now, so only imagine this large protusion we have been dealing with.) She had a PET and CT done last week and we were to go to her oncologist friday for results. Well needless to say when she was inthe er, they requested her scans ahead of our appt. Her oncologist was not in town, so I only had the er dr to consult in, but after she spoke with my mom, she pulled me aside and asked "do you know just how bad this is?" I explained we havent seen the results, so not really. She proceeded to tell me the finding of her scan- it was done comparatively so any dr could look at it and see any progression. The cancer has aggressively been spreading-even with a pretty intense 12w of chemo. All of her spots have grown, plus a new very large (6cm) spot on her liver. At this point, its bascially every where (that my interepetation of reading her scans- for someone with no medical background, I spent alot of time googling words found in her results and figured out whats going on, last night. We still have her appt friday for the official reading of the results, but I am preparing for the worst possible news---hospice. We did this my dad and I swore I never wanted to watch a parent go through this.
So with all that being said...today is cd 28, I am pretty regular 28 day cycle. I tested again this morning and my tiny little faint evaporated after only a few minutes. I have a raging headache, so i wanted to test before I took anything. Im 99.9% sure, I am going to call my dr and take a break. even though we are in the 1st month. i really wanted to hit it hard this round. but even if i do get a BFP next month, I know the stress I am about to undergo is going to be too much for me...much less my baby. I want to spend every possible minute with her. and we all know how time consuming this process it. I would hate to get PG, only to miscarry because of the stress...We dont have that kind of money.
Anyways, im so sorry for this incredibly long message. My DH is away with business and I had no one else---especially at 4 in the morning to vent too.
This might be my last message here...for a bit...or it might not be...i might need a mental break from all the craziness IRL, and lll probably venture over. I know that by the time I get back there WILL be lots of BFP and Lots new of faces/screen names. I wish you all the very best of luck. And I hope to see you all in the JM world soon!
(ps my edd would have been 2 days past my moms bday this cycle.... :cries: )

Sunrise May 14th, 2013 03:20 AM

Re: Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
Lucyanna
I am so sorry about your mom. I can't imagine how you feel with so much going on. Please don't stay far- post how your feeling- and kup in your life, your mom, and your plans.
Lot of hugs.
:dothug: :dothug: :dothug: :dothug:

SmilingSam May 14th, 2013 03:40 AM

Re: Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
I'm so sorry. I will be thinking and praying for you and your mom. Health issues with parents are emotionally and physically draining.

starlitnite611 May 14th, 2013 04:45 AM

Re: Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
Oh honey. I am so very sorry. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please let me know if I can do anything.

kayakr May 14th, 2013 05:34 AM

Re: Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
awww I am so sorry to hear you are going through that. I think infertility and ill parents are the top two stressful things someone can go through. I am being there for your mom is giving her the sense of peace she needs. She is lucky to have you as you are her. You don't have to leave us just because you are are going to take a break from TTCMA while helping your mom. We can be supportive for you for what you need to get through helping your mom too. We are a diverse group of chics!

Hugs to you and your momma! I hope she is healed but if that isn't possible I hope her pain is minimal and the two of you can share some incredible time together that you'll never forget.

KMH May 14th, 2013 06:21 AM

Re: Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
I am so, so sorry to hear about your Mom. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers :hug:

Take all the time you need, and we'll be here for you no matter what.

melissaleigh May 14th, 2013 06:41 AM

Re: Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
So sorry to hear about your mother. I can't begin to imagine how stressful and upsetting this all is to you. I will be thinking of you and and sending prayers your way. Please check in and let us know how you are doing.

cassthomas852 May 14th, 2013 07:08 AM

Re: Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
I am so sorry to hear about your mom. Thoughts and prayers going your way. The ladies above said it best - feel free to post your thoughts even if they aren't TTC. We are supportive for anything anyone is going through.

I hope you and your mom get to spend a lot of time together and share many memories!

MandyEllen May 14th, 2013 07:13 AM

Re: Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
My Gosh! I am so sorry for your mother's cancer. I am praying that there is more peace than pain in her body. Go and spend all the time you can with her. We are all here for you if you need us.

*Whiskey* May 14th, 2013 08:45 AM

Re: Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
That is a very tough situation. I'm so sorry you and your family are going through that. I will keep you all in my prayers!

Raunchero May 14th, 2013 09:35 AM

I can't express how sorry I am. Please keep us posted. We will be here for whatever you need. You are in my thoughts and prayers

IndyMommyWannabe May 14th, 2013 09:43 AM

Re: Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
:( I am so so so sorry and believe me, if I could snap my fingers and make her not sick, I would. I know we all would. We are all here for you - even if it is just a message board online - we are all here for you.

thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Luvgreen19 May 14th, 2013 09:58 AM

Re: Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
I lost my mom to brain cancer when I was in college and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Please PM me if you ever need to talk. I'll be thinking about you and your family and praying for peace for both of you.

::HUGS::

blahswife May 14th, 2013 10:30 AM

Re: Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
So sorry to hear about your mom.

*JenJen* May 14th, 2013 10:51 AM

Re: Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
*hugs* I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you. Whenever you are ready, we are here for you.

Cait&AngelAbove May 14th, 2013 02:24 PM

Re: Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
I am so so so so sorry about your mom!!!!

*Leah* May 14th, 2013 03:15 PM

Re: Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
That is so much to deal with...take the time you need. ((hugs)). Praying your mom isn't in too much pain. You will get through this.

bdblessedbabe May 14th, 2013 03:19 PM

Re: Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
So sorry about your mum's health.

:dothug::bighug:

LucyAnna May 14th, 2013 08:06 PM

Re: Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
Thank you ladies! You have no idea how much encouragement means to me.

Mom was able to come home today...on lots of pain meds...it's been odd...she isn't herself for sure. We go to a pain management dr tomorrow. Hopefully we can get a better plan.

On another note...AF didn't show- even though I'm getting negatives...I don't feel like I'm about start either. I did call my RE and of course they understood and said I can call when I'm ready and we can just pick up where we left off (was afraid I'd have to start over financially/hsg/testing) am I late bc we did the iui 2 days later and possibly a day later ovulation than normal?

Again thanks for the amazing words!

*JenJen* May 14th, 2013 08:13 PM

Re: Preparing for the hardest day of my life....
 
are you 14 days past IUI? If not, then that's when I'd officially count you 'late'.

I hope the pain management doctor has some solutions that can work for her.


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