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-   -   It's STILL a BFN (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f131-trying-to-conceive-your-first-child/1213889-s-still-bfn.html)

~*Jackie*~ August 30th, 2008 07:54 AM

Can you say frustrating? I completely expected a BFN this morning, so I'm actually less upset about that (only because I had my big emotional break down at 13dpo) and more upset that I don't know what my body is doing!!! This situation gets me analyzing everything now. My temps are still way higher than pre-O, so I don't think AF is going to make an appearance today (or tomorrow for that matter). SO I got to thinking- what *if* I O'd like 3 days later? Only because my chart was funky at that time. O pains & CM do NOT support that, but this is how my mind's been working the last day now. :angry2: My BBs started hurting at 11dpo (usually start at 8dpo), and today they are killing me!

Who knows- I called my doctor's office yesterday to let them know what was going on-- they called in my Clomid script in case AF showed up today- then I'd have it to start on Monday... If AF isn't here by Tuesday, they'll probably do a bloodtest to rule out pregnancy & am I back to square 1 with a missing AF?? UGH- I'm just frustrated- I'm sad, yes, but more frustrated with my body right now. :(

Sorry for the long rant, I just needed to let it out, and DH can only hear so much. ;) We talked about it this morning and he asked if I could take a month off of pills/temping/ all that. I told him I'd LOVE to, BUT since I don't ovulate on my own most of the time, it'd be a waste of time & in two months I'd be back with a missing AF & starting over again. So we can't do that. Oh well... so yes, I did test with FMU & a FRER, and it was most certainly stark white like all of the other tests I've taken in my life. :mellow:

If you made it this far, thanks for listening. :wub:

Ash August 30th, 2008 07:57 AM

:dothug: :dothug: Jackie! I hope you get some answers from this cycle soon. We are here for you!!

JustBreathe August 30th, 2008 08:10 AM

:dothug: Jackie! I'm in limbo here too... BFN, but where areeeeeeeeee you AF?

shannaj August 30th, 2008 08:26 AM

Jackie, I'm so sorry your body isn't cooperating! Is it possible maybe you will test positive late like Lauren did? She didn't get her BFP until around 20 DPO. I really hope that is what is going on, and it isn't a case of a missing AF for no good reason. Your chart still looks smokin' hot. I wish your body would cooperate for you. I'll be thinking of your...and keep us posted! My AF showed this morning with a vengeance, so I know I'm out for sure...but I still have lots of hope for you!

~*Jackie*~ August 30th, 2008 08:35 AM

Thanks, ladies.

Shanna- I guess it *is* possible, but I just don't feel it anymore. The best way to describe the night that I had my emotional breakdown with DH is that I said "I feel like my heart lied to me". I seriously felt in my heart that it *was* our month-- it was just a feeling. Now after all of that, I feel empty. I don't know- if AF is coming, I wish she'd get her butt in gear so I can get started with next cycle.

shannaj August 30th, 2008 08:42 AM

I know that feeling all too well Jackie. You then start doubting your instincts, your symptoms...you start second guessing everything until you reach a point where it is just too much and you become numb. I've been there. And you're right, the only think that makes it any better is for either AF to show, or something concrete to happen. I had that happen to me a couple of months ago. I was certain I was PG. I was dreaming about it, all of my instincts told me I was, I had so many symptoms that I don't normally get, and then all of a sudden my temps dropped and AF was here. I'm only a PM away if you need to vent or just chat. You've always been there for me, and I'll always be here for you hun. I hope you get your concrete answer one way or the other soon. I guess just try to keep busy. Maybe you and DH can go see a fun movie thats out. Or go buy a new video game and get totally absorbed in that. Have you tried Boom Blox for the Wii yet? The new Tiger Woods is out now too. Its fun to create your characters. You enter your face, and it makes your character look exactly like you. DH and I played video games all night last night, and it really helped take my mind off of TTC stress. I know you and your DH are like us, you're both gaming geeks...so maybe that could help? HUGS

KDD August 30th, 2008 08:51 AM

I'm sorry Jackie. BUT your chart looks good and AF isn't here. It's not over yet. Sometimes BFPs don't show up until AF is several days late.

I do know what you mean about feeling that your body lied to you. It's not fair to have to suffer through the symptoms and not get a BFP. http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x.../raspberry.gif to Mother Nature!

MusicalJulia August 30th, 2008 08:58 AM

Aw man, I'm so sorry! I'll still cross my fingers for you and hope that you maybe O'd a bit late and you'll get your BFP very soon... positive thinking, right? You just never know ((((hugs))). Either way it turns out, I hope your body stops playing games with you.

Justjeni August 30th, 2008 09:24 AM

Jackie I'm sorry things are just going the way you thought. :dothug: :dothug: Your still in if that :witch: hasn't showed! I hope you get a late :bfp:

Mrs. Kitty August 30th, 2008 09:39 AM

Your not OUT yet.
Remember this is your first clomid cycle so your body should be a little un predictable.
But your temps are still much higher than your normal post O temps.
And even if you are out this month you have your script you preped and ready to go!
So Chin up! Some people don't get BFP's till way late.
And even if this is not your month, you know that we are all here for you, to help support you no matter what.
I still am keeping a positive outlook that this is your month, but thats because I'm selfish and want you in my DDC.
If this isnt your month thats ok too, I'll still keep stalking you because I'm awesome like that.
And like everyone else says I'm only a PM away if you need to talk.

A BPN is like a stop sign, yeah you have to come to a halt. But remember its only for a brief time and then you continue on the rest of your journey.

~*Jackie*~ August 30th, 2008 09:43 AM

Quote:

I know that feeling all too well Jackie. You then start doubting your instincts, your symptoms...you start second guessing everything until you reach a point where it is just too much and you become numb. I've been there. And you're right, the only think that makes it any better is for either AF to show, or something concrete to happen. I had that happen to me a couple of months ago. I was certain I was PG. I was dreaming about it, all of my instincts told me I was, I had so many symptoms that I don't normally get, and then all of a sudden my temps dropped and AF was here. I'm only a PM away if you need to vent or just chat. You've always been there for me, and I'll always be here for you hun. I hope you get your concrete answer one way or the other soon. I guess just try to keep busy. Maybe you and DH can go see a fun movie thats out. Or go buy a new video game and get totally absorbed in that. Have you tried Boom Blox for the Wii yet? The new Tiger Woods is out now too. Its fun to create your characters. You enter your face, and it makes your character look exactly like you. DH and I played video games all night last night, and it really helped take my mind off of TTC stress. I know you and your DH are like us, you're both gaming geeks...so maybe that could help? HUGS[/b]
You're the sweetest.. thanks for that. :smile: It is very nice to be in a place that you don't feel alone- and JM is that place for sure. It seems like one of us has felt or gone through what another has at all times & in all circumstances, so it makes it that much better when going through a bad experience. :inlove: DH & I have actually played lots of games lately-- we truly are addicts so unfortunately more gaming doesn't help! :lol: We're having beautiful weather today, so we're going to work outside together today to get lots of yardwork done and such. It isn't "fun", but it'll take my mind off of things & we'll be together which is most important to me. Yesterday (we both took off a vacation day) my goal was to get the house super clean....... Jon helped me with that like more than he has in 4 years of marriage & it was awesome. He's doing all he can to help me stay positive too, so I'm very lucky.

Thanks again ladies. I know I'm not "out" yet, but I certainly feel like it & I'd like to get this show on the road so I can MOVE ON one way or another!

ETA- (I think we were posting at the same time, Aly)- I love you girl. :wub:

ZaydensMomma August 30th, 2008 09:48 AM

:dothug: I'm hoping you get a late :bfp: like Lauren.. if not, then there's always next month to improve your chances!!! Hang in there!!

~April04~ August 30th, 2008 10:05 AM

:dothug: :dothug: I'm sorry Jackie.. how frustrating.. I hope you get your answer one way or another (hopefully in a BFP)

ღ Tammy ღ August 30th, 2008 10:11 AM

im sorry for the BFN...your not out until Af shows...i hope this is it for you and you get your BFP!!

Make.A.Wish August 30th, 2008 10:50 AM

You're not out until AF shows, and theres been a few late BFP recently.. You never know so don't give up hope yet! :dust:

NortheastWifey August 30th, 2008 02:36 PM

I hope Shanna is right and that you'll have a late BFP like Lauren! But I hear you about wanting to get the show on the road one way or the other. You put it exactly right about this board, though. There is always someone here who has gone through what we have gone through. It's nice though that there are great ladies here for hugs and to hold each other's hand through all of this. TTC can be such an emotional roller coaster. It's nice to have that support - and we're all here for you, girl. I wish we could go out and get some ice cream (or a beverage!) and vent sometimes! I'll be checking in on your tomorrow!

bhonea August 30th, 2008 02:39 PM

I'm sorry! :dothug: Hopefully it's just too early for you to test, and you'll get your bfp in a few more days.

LaLaRose3 August 30th, 2008 03:02 PM

Oh, Jackie. :( I am so so sorry sweetie. I really wish there was more than I could do to make this all better, but for now I will just offer you lots of *HUGS* and an ear to listen.

And please keep some hope, sweetie. It is never impossible.


:wub: you!

robind9 August 30th, 2008 03:51 PM

Jackie, I'm so sorry you're not getting any answers! But like others have said, you're not out yet! I am still hoping for you! *HUGS*

Angel_Maker August 30th, 2008 04:25 PM

BOOO!! I hate :bfn:s :( Hope you get some answers soon! :dothug:


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