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-   -   feelin pressured.. (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f29-trying-to-conceive/2674002-feelin-pressured.html)

Diamond2009 August 21st, 2013 06:27 PM

feelin pressured..
 
Before the miscarriages, I was the one sneaking behind DF's back temping, using OPK's and BDing in my fertile window because he wanted to let things happen without stressing but now since the miscarriages he has been on me to have another baby and I am feeling pressured. I don't want to let him down and I do not want to go month after month seeing all those BFN's again :brickwall: He's like do what you gotta do ..meaning temping etc. I'm like I wish it was that easy. I keep worrying what if I cant give him another one. It breaks my heart.

whisperwish August 21st, 2013 07:12 PM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
Oh sweetie! Dont do that to yourself, you are putting so much pressure on yourself that you are going to be exhausted from it all. I know it is easier to say than do but try to relax and let things happen in their own time. Maybe try talking to DF about how youve been feeling? I am off to attemp to take my own advice!

*Leah* August 21st, 2013 07:19 PM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
Oh sweetie...I'm sorry you are feeling pressured...you have been through so much...I'd talk to dh and let him know that you both want a baby...but feeling pressure to do so won't help the process at all. hugs!!

PinkFireFly August 21st, 2013 07:31 PM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
Hugs...

I wish my DH was that much involved, I'm having the opposite issue of DH be less then proactive and that is stressing me out...
And I'm worried I won't be able to give my DD and family another one...

Diamond2009 August 21st, 2013 08:21 PM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
Thanks for your support ladies. I will talk to him and hopefully it wont take too long to get another BFP and pray to god the next one comes home with us :fingerscrossed:

dmarie84 August 21st, 2013 08:55 PM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
Yes, it's hard not to feel pressured but I think it makes it harder to conceive that way. Can you sit and talk with him and let him know how you're feeling? That might help a little.

Diamond2009 August 21st, 2013 08:59 PM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
I have told him but will have to again I think men just don't understand the womans cycle and think since they are not using a condom then it should happen lol

dmarie84 August 21st, 2013 09:02 PM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
Yes, they don't understand it. Mine didnt get why I was taking all those OPKs.

Diamond2009 August 21st, 2013 09:18 PM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
That's why I didn't tell him the first 2 times I got pregnant. Seems like I would have to school him about how the process works :rofl:

Mrs.MCH August 21st, 2013 09:27 PM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Diamond2009 (Post 27604410)
I have told him but will have to again I think men just don't understand the womans cycle and think since they are not using a condom then it should happen lol

Omg YESSSS I think over the last week I may have shocked my DH at all the details that go into it...at first I didn't wanna involve him but he asked a few questions so I let him in on a lil...he only realizes the tip of the iceberg of the stuff I gotta do to try to make this happen but he's getting it now...I was afraid he would just do the "natural" thing but since we had a loss too...I basically told him I need to do all this (temping...charting..vitamins..so on so forth) to give us the best chance at a healthy pregnancy aka not another loss to cry over...when I presented it that way he thought it was a good idea and has gotten a bit more involved. I'm so glad I talked to him...and yes I gotta repeat stuff over and over at times lol

I hope ur talk goes well...he seems like his intentions are good...seems like he realized after the losses that more was needed and he wants u to do it...maybe itshis way of trying to make sure u don't hurt again...maybe u hurting was the root of this pressure he's putting..

Diamond2009 August 21st, 2013 09:32 PM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
I agree. At first I didn't think he wanted another as bad as I did but since the losses I think he has realized that one more will complete our family

Mrs.MCH August 22nd, 2013 05:52 AM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
A good friend of mine is also wanting to ttc but her husband is more ntnp and they have been ntnp for 8 months with no luck....I think shed beg him to put some pressure on her lol however its easy to think that until ur the one feeling that way...this is such a confusing and difficult journey.

Diamond2009 August 22nd, 2013 06:34 AM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
It is def difficult. The other 3 kids I never did all this and never had trouble getting pregnant. Its weird.

Mrs.MCH August 22nd, 2013 07:03 AM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Diamond2009 (Post 27604923)
It is def difficult. The other 3 kids I never did all this and never had trouble getting pregnant. Its weird.

I had a few losses before DD but never really ttc so I just thought my body knew it wasn't the right time...I didn't technically ttc DD but when I look back I'm allergic to almost every form of birth control so used none with former guy....used condoms but at the rate that they broke and malfunctioned I should have bern pregnant much sooner lol...guess one was just times right....after thid cycle if its normal I will officially start ttc with my new husband..I'm a bit scared to know how it will go...I mean I've already has one loss with new husband and had 3 previous in my life...that's a total of 4 by age 30 I don't know if that's a high number but it seems like it...so I'm kinda scared....my mom had 3 losses in her childbearing years and 2 pregnancies that made it...she says she recalls my grandmother had one for sure but back then pregnancy didn't get confirmed till much later and she says my grandmother swore there was at least one more that was a loss before it could be confirmed...so it worries me that this seems to be a pattern....maybe they both had as many loses as me but didn't really know bc we can confirm so early nowdays

Wish44 August 22nd, 2013 07:10 AM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
I can totally relate. My DH just doesn't get it. He is like, "We shouldn't put that pressure on ourselves. It will happen." He doesn't understand that there are only a few days each month when I'm actually fertile! It's all too overwhelming for him!

Quite honestly, I had no clue before we started talking about TTC. I figured you just tossed the BC and were good to go. Boy was I stupid!

hopeful_girl55 August 22nd, 2013 09:31 AM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
Oh hon! It makes me sad to know you feel like this. I feel like that sometimes too. But not really because SO puts the pressure on me. He is the one who tried to calm me down when I get so upset and frustrated. I feel like I'm failing because my body won't do what its supposed to, I put the pressure on myself.
I hope that you get your BFP soon and can hold that baby in your arms.

SO isn't super involved but he knows that I take OPKs and such. Sometimes I tell him my fertile days sometimes I don't. After last month with my maybe line and then BFN and AF I was so upset. It was the year cycle and I was given all this hope just to have ripped away. We are taking it easy this cycle, trying to relax some.
I will keep you in my T&P and hope you get your beautiful rainbow baby. :wub:

Diamond2009 August 22nd, 2013 03:34 PM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs.MCH (Post 27605020)
I had a few losses before DD but never really ttc so I just thought my body knew it wasn't the right time...I didn't technically ttc DD but when I look back I'm allergic to almost every form of birth control so used none with former guy....used condoms but at the rate that they broke and malfunctioned I should have bern pregnant much sooner lol...guess one was just times right....after thid cycle if its normal I will officially start ttc with my new husband..I'm a bit scared to know how it will go...I mean I've already has one loss with new husband and had 3 previous in my life...that's a total of 4 by age 30 I don't know if that's a high number but it seems like it...so I'm kinda scared....my mom had 3 losses in her childbearing years and 2 pregnancies that made it...she says she recalls my grandmother had one for sure but back then pregnancy didn't get confirmed till much later and she says my grandmother swore there was at least one more that was a loss before it could be confirmed...so it worries me that this seems to be a pattern....maybe they both had as many loses as me but didn't really know bc we can confirm so early nowdays


Yeh my doctor said to me that early miscarriages are normal however I never had any before my kids until just recently the 2 back to back ones. I hope either of us ever has to go through another one :hug:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wish44 (Post 27605046)
I can totally relate. My DH just doesn't get it. He is like, "We shouldn't put that pressure on ourselves. It will happen." He doesn't understand that there are only a few days each month when I'm actually fertile! It's all too overwhelming for him!

Quite honestly, I had no clue before we started talking about TTC. I figured you just tossed the BC and were good to go. Boy was I stupid!

I thought the same thing before joining this site. I"ve learned so much since :rofl:

Quote:

Originally Posted by hopeful_girl55 (Post 27605416)
Oh hon! It makes me sad to know you feel like this. I feel like that sometimes too. But not really because SO puts the pressure on me. He is the one who tried to calm me down when I get so upset and frustrated. I feel like I'm failing because my body won't do what its supposed to, I put the pressure on myself.
I hope that you get your BFP soon and can hold that baby in your arms.

SO isn't super involved but he knows that I take OPKs and such. Sometimes I tell him my fertile days sometimes I don't. After last month with my maybe line and then BFN and AF I was so upset. It was the year cycle and I was given all this hope just to have ripped away. We are taking it easy this cycle, trying to relax some.
I will keep you in my T&P and hope you get your beautiful rainbow baby. :wub:

After a year I would be frustrated too. Have you had any testing done yet?

Quote:

Originally Posted by hopeful_girl55 (Post 27605416)
Oh hon! It makes me sad to know you feel like this. I feel like that sometimes too. But not really because SO puts the pressure on me. He is the one who tried to calm me down when I get so upset and frustrated. I feel like I'm failing because my body won't do what its supposed to, I put the pressure on myself.
I hope that you get your BFP soon and can hold that baby in your arms.

SO isn't super involved but he knows that I take OPKs and such. Sometimes I tell him my fertile days sometimes I don't. After last month with my maybe line and then BFN and AF I was so upset. It was the year cycle and I was given all this hope just to have ripped away. We are taking it easy this cycle, trying to relax some.
I will keep you in my T&P and hope you get your beautiful rainbow baby. :wub:

After a year I would be frustrated too. Have you had any testing done yet?

LivyLove August 23rd, 2013 05:44 AM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
I know the feeling of pressure. With my two previous kids, it didnt seem like a big deal. I just let it happen and while DD was a 2 year project I just didnt stress.

With the 3rd I feel so much pressure. My DW's parents want a grandbaby so bad. She has a brother but he is worthless, living off her parents and leaves the house maybe 4x a year? I also feel pressure (thats completely self-inflicted) with giving my DW a baby. She has a history of tumors so her carrying is out of the question and while she is a fantastic stepmom, I know she wants to add to our family with another.

I have no advice but I can understand how you feel:(

Diamond2009 August 23rd, 2013 06:34 AM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
Thanks hun. Hopefully you can give your DW a baby soon :hug:

hopeful_girl55 August 23rd, 2013 06:52 AM

Re: feelin pressured..
 
Well, idk if you were still here when they figured out why I was continuously getting hives. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. But, no further testing yet I go back in November. They don't know which AI it is but with my family history they are suspecting lupus. I have no idea if this is what's stopping me from getting pregnant. But with being on my parents insurance I don't have any fertility coverage, so that sort of testing is out. But I think when I go back to my AI doctor in Nov I can ask him to run some over all tests and see if its affecting any of my reproductive organs. Or wait till I get my own insurance through work. Its just so much easier and cheaper being on my parents till I am 26 lol


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