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-   -   I Just Need To Vent (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f29-trying-to-conceive/2687893-i-just-need-to-vent.html)

PaytonsMommy2014 October 23rd, 2013 11:07 PM

I Just Need To Vent
My husband and I are trying to conceive and thoughts go through my head that I just feel like no one will understand because no one I know is ttc or would even remotely understanding. Yes, seeing all of the pregnant Mommies makes me sad/jealous. I am so happy for them but part of me is jealous and keeps wondering why that can't be me? Yes, I look at baby things often dreaming of when I will actually get the honor of actually purchasing them. No, I don't know if I'm infertile. Frankly, I don't want to know because the thought alone is enough to crush any hope I may have. No, telling me it could always be worse doesn't make me feel any better. No, I have nothing against adopting; you must not understand what a blessing, honor and miracle it is to have your own flesh and blood grow inside of your tummy and be the only source of survival for them and house them for 9 months. I don't resent mothers, or pregnant women; I'm jealous. I'm jealous they get to have that miracle growing in their tummy and it upsets me more when pregnant women say "I can't believe I'm having another baby. This baby was definitely an accident" my heart breaks when I hear that. I know it doesn't make you love your child any less, but as a woman ttc, it hurts. Even an "accident" would be the biggest blessing and miracle ever. I pray that God lets me have the honor and miracle of having a child. And to all you TTC Mom's out there, don't lose hope. Don't resent those adorable pregnant mommies you see everywhere and that seem to haunt you everywhere you go. Just pray that that mom truly understands what a blessing she has in that belly of hers. Your time will come and if it doesn't, we will find a way. God bless all of the mommies, mommies to be, and mommies TTC.

GingerMomof3 October 24th, 2013 09:31 AM

Re: I Just Need To Vent
I understand what you are saying completely. Definitely not in the same way, because I haven't gone thru the struggle of trying for a long time with no results but I am very sorry that you are going thru that. I only have 1 DD with my first husband and she is now 8 years old. But I've wanted more for so very long. I just knew that I had to be responsible and said for the right time. My DH and I have been together for 6 years but actually separated for 2 years from each other. I would get so jealous and sad to see so many women pop out 2 and 3 babies and then not even take care of them. Or have kids with no thought as to how they would take care of them and didn't even want to be pregnant. It would get me so angry and depressed because I work so hard to give my DD a good life but yet I couldn't just throw my hands up and not care what the outcome was and let myself get pregnant. I just worry too much to do that. So, in a way I understand that feeling of jealousy that you're talking about. My DH and I are back together now and have grown so much as a couple and as people and we are now TTC our first child together. I'm so thankful that I waited! Hugs to you and I hope that you get the BFP that you are waiting for!

PaytonsMommy2014 October 24th, 2013 03:31 PM

Re: I Just Need To Vent
Thank you for sharing your story and kind words. I just took my OPK this morning and got the smiley face so we will see what this month brings! Praying like crazy! Hugs to you and I hope you guys conceive quickly! God bless!

christluv79 October 25th, 2013 09:32 AM

Re: I Just Need To Vent
I'm almost 34 and my husband and I have been trying for almost 6 months.
I have been using the ovulation tests every month and my cycle is around 31- 32 days. Every month I have my hopes up so high and think this is the magic month and then I get my period and it feels like a knife in my heart. I'm trying so hard to be patient but its really hard when everyone around you is getting pregnant with no issues.

I'm starting to worry because I have been paying extra attention to my body and have noticed I do not get that egg white cervical fluid around my ovulation days. What can this mean? Has anyone tried pre-seed? My discharge stays creamy and sometimes watery throughout WHY???

Also because of my age my OBGYN doesn't want us to try for a full year. She sent my husband to get a sperm analysis this past Wednesday, we should have the results in 7 days. If all is good with him I have to go get blood work etc. I feel like this process is putting me in a dark place, my close friends are getting pregnant and instead of me being happy for them I feel jealous.

hopeful_girl55 October 25th, 2013 09:39 AM

Re: I Just Need To Vent
Those words could have come straight from my mouth!
Big :hug: girl. I know how you feel.

*Leah* October 25th, 2013 01:21 PM

Re: I Just Need To Vent
((hugs)))..I know exactly how you feel ((hugs))...

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