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-   -   Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll* (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f29-trying-to-conceive/2711811-gotta-love-some-good-family-advice-eye-roll.html)

Hope2Be13 March 10th, 2014 07:58 AM

Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*
 
Last night DH and I had a family event to attend. We've been doing a pretty good job avoiding large groups of family members who all know what we have been dealing with. Well last night, it was unavoidable. It went pretty well for the most part, but I received a lot of sympathetic looks and multiple people asking "are you ok"... I want to say "no." But I answer "oh yeah, I'm fine". Then they ask "well did y'all have a good vacation" where I wish I could respond "no, it was the worst few days of my life...it happens to be the time I found out my IUI failed"... But of course I say "yeah! We enjoyed it!"

Then the advice rolls in....
"You know, my daughters had the same problem and I told them to relax, and when they finally listened to me, they were pregnant in 2 months!"
AND
"If you want to get pregnant, you're going to need to put on some weight"
AND
"Why don't y'all try just enjoying each other and not think about it?"


Ugh I have a headache.

SassyMama March 10th, 2014 08:02 AM

Re: Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*
 
Ugh, the unwarranted advice. You poor thing. :(

Rainbow Momma March 10th, 2014 08:11 AM

Re: Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*
 
So sorry hun! People just dont understand and altho they think they are helping they are really not. For alot of people they just wont undrstand or even try to understand until they are experiencing it for themeselves. Unfortunately ive learned that lesson the hard way with dealing with discrimination. Just keep your head up and ignore them. I know thats alot easier said than done

KellJoO March 10th, 2014 08:18 AM

Re: Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*
 
Nothing worse than people who think they know it all and how to make you feel better. :( I'm sorry hun. The truth is, unless they've ever had struggles conceiving themselves, they will NEVER understand your feelings or what you've been through. And even then, their story is different. People just dont understand that or grasp that sometimes its better to keep your mouth shut! HUGS!

Hope2Be13 March 10th, 2014 08:39 AM

Re: Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*
 
I know they try to help, but I also know I have problems bigger than stress. I want to scream "relaxing won't help!!! I DO NOT OVULATE...EVER!"....or "I DONT HAVE CYCLES!". It's not like a get a period every month and know I'm not pregnant. If I don't take injectable meds, I just don't have a period at all. I don't think "relaxing" or "enjoying each other" will increase my chances of getting pregnant with an ovulation disorder. Stupid.....

aStarIsBorn March 10th, 2014 08:48 AM

Re: Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*
 
i hate hearing that you just need to relax. my mom actually told me that i needed to have sex at the right time. uhmmmm yeah, thanks mom. i think they mean well but just have no idea. sorry :(

Rainbow Momma March 10th, 2014 08:52 AM

Re: Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*
 
Thats true. And unfotrunately thats part of what they arent understanding. because since theyve had no troubles they dont think to think about not O ing and things like that becuase its not something theyve had to think about before. And its very possible that they may not even understand that Not Oing means its not possible to conceive. People def need to learn to keep their mouth shut but some just dont know how. you got this girl, keep your head up

rusticbythesea01 March 10th, 2014 08:58 AM

Re: Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*
 
Oh, hun, I'm so sorry you're going through this. My family members have told me to relax too and not think about it, and I have cycles and that realllllllly ticked me off, so I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. :(

Hope2Be13 March 10th, 2014 09:12 AM

Re: Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*
 
Yeah I actually had to consider that most people have no clue how conception actually takes place. None of my friends have to think about ovulation, which cycle day they are on, follicle numbers and sizes, CM, etc... When I start rambling on about these things they look at me like I have 2 heads. But some of these things are too personal to talk to family about. It's one thing to discuss your sex life and fertility with friends, but when your grandma comes into the picture, I'd rather keep it rated PG... Even if that means her telling me to "relax" lol!

WaitinginNJ March 10th, 2014 10:04 AM

Re: Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*
 
Family can be the worse and the best group of supporters. You and your husband deal with your situation the way you are and just keep rolling those eyes at everyone else.

Hope2Be13 March 10th, 2014 10:19 AM

Re: Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by WaitinginNJ (Post 27993892)
Family can be the worse and the best group of supporters. You and your husband deal with your situation the way you are and just keep rolling those eyes at everyone else.

Hahaha yeah I'm mastering the art of eye rolling!

Calendula March 10th, 2014 11:36 AM

Re: Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*
 
They are so right, though. Just relax and enjoy yourselves and don't think about it! Like all medical problems, it just magically goes away if you don't think about it and act like everything is fine. :rant:

Lash March 10th, 2014 11:43 AM

Fertility is one of the most misunderstood areas of health and I'm convinced people think its all magic and fairy dust. Just somehow completely ignore it and it will get better. We do not ever tell people this with any other health issue or body related thing. Feel crappy? Ignore it! Have diabetes? Don't stress it. How about cancer? My friend took a cruise and it cured her!

I blame half of the problem on crappy sex ed programs. People don't understand how it works at all.

Sarah7181 March 10th, 2014 01:44 PM

Re: Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*
 
I am sooo sorry. :(

2EverAfter March 10th, 2014 02:19 PM

Re: Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*
 
Blah, so sorry! Even the advice is coming from people who *want* to support you, doesn't make it any less annoying and *not* helpful. Hang in there!

wvufan67 March 10th, 2014 03:30 PM

Re: Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by KellJoO (Post 27993668)
Nothing worse than people who think they know it all and how to make you feel better. :( I'm sorry hun. The truth is, unless they've ever had struggles conceiving themselves, they will NEVER understand your feelings or what you've been through. And even then, their story is different. People just dont understand that or grasp that sometimes its better to keep your mouth shut! HUGS!

:ditto2: :hug:

bella88 March 10th, 2014 04:23 PM

Re: Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*
 
Oh, but did you try having more sex? Also, if you stop trying that will fix it! Ugh sorry you got stuck listening to everyone's sh!tty advice :hug:.

Hope2Be13 March 10th, 2014 04:30 PM

Re: Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by bella88 (Post 27994668)
Oh, but did you try having more sex? Also, if you stop trying that will fix it! Ugh sorry you got stuck listening to everyone's sh!tty advice :hug:.

Oh yes... Why didn't I think to try sex!?!

bella88 March 10th, 2014 04:41 PM

Re: Gotta love some good family advice... *eye roll*
 
I think apparently any time it takes more than a month or two it's like people assume that the couple are both simultaneously having not enough and having too much sex and that either way it's not spontaneous enough for conception. Maybe all it takes to get knocked up when you're maybe a teen with prime fertility is one whoops but yeah... it actually takes time and work. I always laugh at the "they gave up/relaxed and got pregnant straight away" like it negates the months/years they were trying previously. Didn't occur that maybe they were overdue for a bfp by the time cycle 19 rolled around?


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