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Natalie_Snow March 14th, 2010 08:20 PM

Natalie's Journal
 
My name is Natalie, 24 and my DH is 26. I've decided to start this journal over here (I usually keep a handwritten one). Ladies on this board have been very supportive and nice! I love it here! As much as I would like to leave without coming back.... I'm back here again.

A little history.
I married the love of my life in hot summer of 2006..It was a rainy day and we were married by a lake. We wanted to have children after we finish our degrees (which we did in 2009). We've been seriously NTNP since November 2008......but i did not get pregnant.

Therefore, we began TTC in July 2009. I used an internet program to calculate my O day and we BD on CD14 and CD15. Then I got into charting BBTs and I must say I enjoyed the process! I loved seeing my graphs and seeing that amazing bi-phasic pattern:)). Charting helped me realize that I was not Ovulating on CD14...instead it was like day 20! That was probably the reason why we did not conceive while NTNP.

I got pregnant in October 2009 and I was sooo excited! I wanted to run around and sing crazy songs!! I was SO extremely happy! I bought tons of baby stuff! I bought many PG books and i read about everything except m/c. I did not know that m/c were that common! My MIL got sick with swine flu and I am pretty sure i got it too! :( It might have caused my m/c, who knows.. I had a m/c on December 2....I woke up that morning and realized that my bbs were not sore anymore and all of my symptoms were gone...then i saw blood :(. We went to the ER but they couldn't do anything about it. I was 7w3d. He/she would have been due in July 2010... My OBGYN said to wait one normal period and try again. Pathology test came back normal and doc said it was due to "bad luck".

I got my BFP three months later. I was happy but i couldn't let myself fully enjoy my pregnancy.. I knew it could happen again. Although I did not expect it that soon! I am having another miscarriage right now. I was only 5weeks this time, due in November 2010..

I want a baby soo much! It's so sad that I'll never get to see my first two babies :(. well, that is of course if i ever get to see any of my children. I have no idea about what caused my m/c.. My fur babies keep me busy though. I am so thankful for them and for my DH!

I wish I could have a 2010 baby... but i know it's impossible now. which i guess i need to accept.

Natalie_Snow March 15th, 2010 11:05 AM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
I told one of my best friends about my m/c... She said " what were you thinking?? you shouldn't have gotten pregnant again soo soon! that must have caused it!".. well, actually we waited 3 full periods, while my doc told us to wait just one..so I don't think that was the problem:mad:. My friends says I should wait at least 6 months before trying for the third time.. she scares me. i know we will nto be trying this month, but I am very hopeful about TTC in April.

Natalie_Snow March 15th, 2010 11:15 AM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
I do not cry that much anymore... but thinking about the fact that even if i ever have children, I will never get to see my first two :(. Life sucks...
I know that only having another child (and this time the one that would stay with us) could help me be happy again...

Jakaira s Mom March 15th, 2010 03:00 PM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
Sorry about all of your pain Here is some baby :dust: I love your dog avatar so much!!!

Natalie_Snow March 16th, 2010 07:04 PM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
Thank you Nayomi! and i def need tons of sticky dust... I cannot survive another m/c :(.

I keep thinking if we could NTNP this month...Man, today is only CD 6...2 more weeks till O or 30 more till my AF... waiting is hard!!!! ugh.

Natalie_Snow March 17th, 2010 11:52 AM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
:o

Natalie_Snow March 19th, 2010 08:32 AM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
I think I've made up my mind. We're going to be NTNP for the next 4 months.... then we're going to TTCAL an April or May baby.... I've always wanted a spring baby and then came to terms to want a baby any month. I waited only 3 months after my first loss and i want to wait longer this time....just to make sure that everything's ok with my body....... I am going to continue charting temperatures so that when we're ready to try again, we'd know the O day :).

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant again and bleeding again!! OMG! I do not want that to ever happen again....then there was a glimmer of hope that the third baby would survive and stay with us..
Maybe I should write this journal somewhere else but I love my TTCAL ladies...

.:Shortcake:. March 23rd, 2010 09:57 AM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
Your more than welcome to stay here hun! Praying for you. I am also NTNP. In God's timing it will happen.

Natalie_Snow March 28th, 2010 07:57 PM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
Thank you, Shortcake!

something weird is going on with my cycle after m/c... FF's just detected O on CD 15 which is not possible! I've been charting for 6 cycles and i always O on CD 19 or 20.... so i am hoping my body is not too messed up after m/c....

Servilia April 1st, 2010 06:48 PM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
Hi Natalie.. I hope you don't mind me dropping in here. I am so sorry for all your losses :hug:

I have heard that a m/c can change O date..

I hope once you start TTC again that you get a sticky BFP right away! :dust:

Natalie_Snow April 2nd, 2010 06:34 AM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
Thank you Judy! drop in here anytime! :)

Natalie_Snow April 2nd, 2010 06:44 AM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
I thought I've come to terms with adopting a baby and never giving birth to my own child. My DH said he'd love an adopted baby very much. So I kinda stopped being sad of never having babies once I realized that we could adopt a young child. well, last night's dream changed it all! :(

I was pregnant in that dream... and very far along.. I felt the baby's feet kicking me and that was such an unforgettable feeling.. Then I gave birth and it was a girl. OMG. I wish I could really have a baby :(. I'm 24 and after these losses I feel like I'll never be able to have H&H 9 months...

Oh, I tested again today! BFN. I do not know why i keep testing?? It's just I still feel pregnant and my bbs still hurt.

Natalie_Snow April 6th, 2010 08:00 AM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
Today is CD 27.. i cannot wait for AF to show!! I am still not sure if we're going to TTC next cycle, probably just NTNP. I am going to try to wait 3 months but it's going to be hard.. i want a baby sooo much!!!

Natalie_Snow April 7th, 2010 05:45 PM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
AF is here!! yay!! a little too early but i am not complaining!

Natalie_Snow April 11th, 2010 06:53 AM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
CD 4 today... I am not sure if my health is up to par to get PG again.. my bb just stopped hurting yesterday.. if my ovaries do not hurt anymore, we could probably ttc this month...

Natalie_Snow April 17th, 2010 08:02 AM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
CD 10. crazy me..I ordered more HPTs...lol

Servilia April 17th, 2010 02:01 PM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
Good for you :) I hope they show BFPs!! :cheer:

Have you decided whether you will go to Europe to see the dr?

Natalie_Snow April 17th, 2010 03:25 PM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
Judy, thank you! I hope so!!! I hope you get your BFP soon too!!!

I decided that if I I feel ok, I am going to fly there this August... I hope to be PG by then so that i could stay for the rest of PG and have a baby born there. If i am not PG by August, I'm gonna have tons of testing done to determine the reason!

I do not know what happened to my flat stomach... . it never came back to normal after my 1st m/c... hmmm... I gotta workout some!

Natalie_Snow April 18th, 2010 09:00 AM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
Today is CD11 of my first cycle after the second m/c... I need to get pregnant this cycle..I know there's a huge chance I won't because after my first m/c it took me 3 months to get PG again...

I am going crazzzy without a baby. This is like a huge baby fever.. i wanted kids since i was 18 or so...but I got this terrible baby fever 2 years ago and it's getting worse with every day! I love going to the zoos and parks but i do not feel like going there anymore without a baby. I think my toy dog is tired of my love and all that hugging i give him. My chickens are tired of me too! They love eating of my hand but they do not enjoy me holding them that much. I love the way my puppy tries to play with my chickens. lol.

My MIL is getting an outside kitten. Her friend's cat gave birth to 5 kittens and she agreed to take one of them. But she doesn't want to buy a litter box or cat food. I am not a cat person but i do care about animal's treatment...MIL wants that kitten to live outside but she doesn't think it's necessary to put a fence around her yard! I said that it's dangerous and irresponsible. She told me if that cat gets hit by a car, it's just life, you cannot save everyone! I guess she was hinting on my vegetarian beliefs.. Excuse me? I do not think that irresponsible people should have any pets at all!

What does this "animal talk" has to do with a TTC journal? Well, my pets have helped me a lot to get through my losses. I think I'd be totally depressed right now if it wasn't for my toy poodle and three pet chickens. I need to take care of somebody and I enjoy taking care of them. I think my losses made me "greener". My cycles are long and i gotta do something i love while waiting to TTC. I am still studying for my final license exam..that is kinda interesting but not when my mind keeps coming back to my obsession with babies...

My BBT were looking nice until today. This morning I had a huge temp jump...way too early for O and it may mess up my O day recognition... well, i am not gonna worry about that since i plan on using those 5 OPKs that I got... I've never used OPKs before so this is something new to try. I love POAS!

Servilia April 18th, 2010 08:36 PM

Re: NaTusik Natalia's Journal
 
I hope you are pregnant by then!! :cheer: I'm sure you will be (knock on wood)!!

I know how it feels to want a baby!! Today I was at a party at a banquet hall and there were soooo many kids! :(

It's so cute you have pet chickens! :wub: They are not into cuddling though are they :p

I'm sorry your MIL is so thoughless when it comes to animals.. that makes me angry too! :mad:

I hope you get a pos OPK soon - I got mine today, the first time since my m/c!!


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