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-   -   The Journey to #1 (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f352-ttc-journals/2533665-journey-to-1-a.html)

JandJC May 31st, 2012 09:31 AM

The Journey to #1
 
I've been really into reading journals lately and I just love how supportive everyone is of eachother throughout this hell we call TTC our first. As many of you know, I suffered back to back losses in Jan & Feb and just got my first period after my D&C.... Even though I was slightly disappointed because we never stopped trying, I was happy to get it so that I have an official starting point.

My period has been heavier than normal, but its nothing too concerning (I don't think). For some reason today I am feeling super optimistic. I have convinced myself that there is nothing wrong with me and the losses were just a fluke. I'm not sure if that is called "denial" or not, but I'm running with it. I would give anything to be pregnant again and I just don't want the whole first month or so to be a downer, so I figure that if I'm positive now, maybe that will make a difference.

It's funny how we try to prepare ourselves isnt it? As if me having a healthy baby is soley dependent on my emotional state ;)

I know that anyone who reads this that has no children can relate, but today I am just feeling so strongly, so intensely this desire to be a Mom. They say you can never be ready, but I genuinely feel like I am. There is nothing I wouldn't do to have a healthy baby and be able to start this next phase of my life. I know it will come, but I'm feeling impatient.

I'm soo relieved that DH and I are both traveling next week because when we return it should be GO time, AKA O time. Then we'll be moving so hopefully by the time we are settled it will be time to test! I think this is a good start for my first journal entry. It feels so good to write out my thoughts!

Mom2JDub May 31st, 2012 09:54 AM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
So glad you started a journal, Josie. I look forward to following it, but I'm hoping it will be short-lived. ;)

kbpeanut May 31st, 2012 10:50 AM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
I'm so glad you started a journal! You will find it's a great outlet for the great days and the not-so-great days. I started mine about a year into my TTC journey, and even though over the 3 1/2 years, I've been on and off about updating it, when I do, it's a wonderful feeling. I've been much better about updating in the last year, and even though my posts are rambly and long, I'm glad to have a place to chat, even if it is with myself :lol:

Hope your journal is short-lived, like Adrienne said, but while you are here, I'm glad you've found a place to get your thoughts out/down.

Nicholle ttc May 31st, 2012 12:43 PM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
Hi Josie! Glad to see that you started a journal! Sounds like you will be busy in the next couple weeks, which will help make your time fly by! :)

JennyLee May 31st, 2012 06:39 PM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
I felt the same when I got my first post-M/C period. Sad because we had still been trying, but glad to be done with the weirdness of that cycle.

I'm glad you started a journal, and I hope you get your sticky bean soon!

blueeyes25s May 31st, 2012 06:45 PM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
Hi Josie, I'm glad you started a journal too! For me, it's been a great stress reliever and a distraction.

I truely hope it short lived to but in the meantime I look forward to follow your journal.

JandJC June 1st, 2012 07:12 AM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
Thank you to everyone for the support! You guys are wonderful :wub:

Last night I couldnt sleep because I was so excited to TTC again. I kind of felt psychotic because I googling my due date if I got pregnant this cycle (march 3) and planning out to see when I could find out the sex, etc. I laid in bed wide awake just thinking about being pregnant again and how it would be so perfect if it were to happen this month.

I was never prepared for how emotional this journey is! I'm on day 6 of my period and hoping I can sneak in some sex on sunday night before both Jason and I leave on business trips next week. It would crush me to miss O! I figure if there is any chance I O early as long as I have sex sunday it should cover the bases for M-F until we are home again and can get back to it.

At least my business trip is to vegas!

Belita June 1st, 2012 01:42 PM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
I'm glad you've started a journal, but I hope it becomes a desert wasteland soon due to your sticky BFP. ;) I have found my journals to be very helpful.

I'm also glad you're able to find some excitement in TTC again. After my loss it was just hell for me and I couldn't find any excitement, so that is a great start! I hope you catch that eggie for your March 3rd baby! :fingerscrossed:

JandJC June 1st, 2012 01:54 PM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
Thanks Robyn. You don't have to hide your siggy in here btw :) None of you do. I'm really OK with how things have transpired and am at peace with it.

DH and I have had some cool new doors open and moving to our new 4 bedroom house this summer is such an exciting milestone for us. I feel like when my baby does come, it will be in a forever home with room to grow and so many memories to make.

These months of depression have really caused some serious weight gain and I'm working out again and losing some weight. I hope that I can be a healthier future mama and be more prepared next time around!

This is a creepily optimistic post and it's hard to believe I'm even writing it after how bad these past few months have been....but it really is how I'm feeling!

blueeyes25s June 1st, 2012 03:55 PM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
Congrats on the house!!!

I am so glad you are in good spirits after all you have been through. I believe it's the best way to cope and help you move on. Of course you are allowed to have your bad days and you moments but staying positive and optimistic is the best way. :)

Mom2JDub June 1st, 2012 04:43 PM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
Josie, you've just made me smile from ear to ear. You are a truly awesome woman, and you are going to be an amazing mother. :heart:

Belita June 2nd, 2012 06:47 AM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
That's a great outlook! I'd love to see photos of the new house! I'll still hide my siggies for the other ladies, though. I'm so glad you're at peace with things. You're an amazing person! :hug:

JennyLee June 2nd, 2012 10:31 AM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
Congrats on the house and way to go with the positive outlook!

JandJC June 2nd, 2012 12:03 PM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by junie22 (Post 26112029)
Josie, you've just made me smile from ear to ear. You are a truly awesome woman, and you are going to be an amazing mother. :heart:

Thanks Adrienne, this means more to me than you know!


Here is the link to our house, which I'll probably delete in a few days. It's in a huge neighborhood and backs up to a little creek & park which I'm excited about. It would be perfect for kids. Unfortunately we are underwater on our townhouse so we had to use our existing loan when qualifying for a new place, which reduced our numbers a bit....but that is OK. This is the perfect place for us! And I'm way too excited about the fun & rhyming address!

555 N Williams Dr Palatine IL - Home For Sale and Real Estate Listing - MLS #08043033 - Realtor.comŽ

It's funny because I work from home, and our current place is only two bedrooms - Ive been pouting about having a baby here and having no space for my office. We ended up renting our place to a single mom with two little boys, ages 5 & 7 and that totally put things in perspective for me. She is SO excited about our townhouse, and it just made me think that I was being kind of a brat. But isn't it amazing that the housing market has changed so much? The mortgage on our new house will be the same as we were paying for this tiny townhouse!

Nothing new to report on TTC....my period is winding down - should be over by tomorrow. Then it's off to vegas and letting the fun begin! DH and I havent talked much about the situation because I don't want to overwhelm him. I was a little worried about excessive jumping of his bones this month but last night he told me he can't wait to try again! woot!

Anyway its so beautiful out so we're going to go walk by our new place with our dog :) I love stalking it! I'm pretty sure the sellers are like *** since I drive or walk by multiple times a week and we're not even closing until July. Our dog is so recognizable because of his all white face and black body, DH is convinced the neighbors are going to know we've been hanging around! LOL oh well!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Belita (Post 26113733)
That's a great outlook! I'd love to see photos of the new house! I'll still hide my siggies for the other ladies, though. I'm so glad you're at peace with things. You're an amazing person! :hug:

Thanks Robyn, you are too!

Mom2JDub June 2nd, 2012 12:40 PM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
Beautiful house, Josie. How exciting!

Belita June 3rd, 2012 09:28 AM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
Very cute house!

Jen@FirsAve June 3rd, 2012 01:41 PM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
The house looks lovely, I agree a perfect place for kiddies!

JennyLee June 3rd, 2012 06:51 PM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
OMG, your rhyming address is so cute:)

JandJC June 4th, 2012 08:08 AM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
Just popping in. I'm off to vegas in a few hours and won't be back until late Thursday. DH is in Ohio and returning Friday afternoon. My mom is hosting a bridal shower for my cousin this weekend so when I get home I have to make like 3 appetizers, go buy her a gift, then head to my parents place to help them set up. Time is gonna fly :) hopefully! Period is officially over and I'm so glad I won't have it when traveling, because I hate that.

This weekend I found out that this little girl my mom used to be a christian mentor (AWANA leader for those who know what that is) is pregnant with her 2nd kid. The girl is only 17. So depressing. No joke, I contemplated messaging her and asking her if I could adopt the baby. I'm not even jealous of her pregnancy as much as I just feel so bad for these kids. The father of her first baby left her in the middle of the pregnancy, and the father of this baby just broke up with her as well. She has no support at all - I'm assuming she is on welfare but have no idea. I just can't envision these kids growing up in a healthy environment and that crushes me. Anyway, rant over.

I hope you girls have a great week. I'll check in from party town when i get a chance :)

kbpeanut June 4th, 2012 08:40 AM

Re: The Journey to #1
 
First, what a great house!! I know exactly where that is...less than a mile from one of my best friends :) It's a great area...they love it there!

Have a safe trip and a great week!


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