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-   -   He and his friends want an abortion... (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/144051-he-and-his-friends-want-abortion.html)

MirandasMommy February 1st, 2006 05:56 AM

Well as most of you know, I just found out that I'm pregnant. Well my fiance was in shock at first, but then the idea seemed to grow on him. Until last night. One of our mutual friends called and told him "you're life is ruined, etc" and got him to thinking that way. Well then he started telling my fiance to "make" me get an abortion. Then he even had the nerve to tell him "either she gets the abortion or you leave her." I was so pissed!! I have already told my fiance numerous times I will NOT have an abortion, even if it would make our lives easier. How can I get these negative thoughts out of his head, and make him excited that he's bringing his first child into the world??
Northcutt2Be

nat81 February 1st, 2006 07:05 AM

(((HUGS))) I say give him time. My fiance (bf at the time) wanted me to get an abortion as well. A few days later, he said he wanted to keep the baby... I figured he just needed time and would eventually realise that there is no "perfect time" to have a baby. You're always going to want more money or a bigger place but you can work on that while you have a baby. Also, if you have a lot of family support, they may end up buying a lot of the babies things for you! and if you breast feed, food will be free for 6 months to a year! Talk about these things with him and see how he feels in a few days.

MirandasMommy February 1st, 2006 07:43 AM

Nat81,
Thanks so much for replying. I was getting discouraged with all these views and no replies. My fiance for the most part seems like he wants the child, it's just that his friends put negative thoughts in his head about it. Like our friend yesterday that was saying, "The baby will have a bad life because neither of you have finished college", "Ya'll won't get to enjoy your life", etc. Those are things this guy literally was saying. But like you said about the family support; neither of our parents would ever let our baby do without. Especially since this is the first grandchild in my family and the second in his. I told my fiance that the baby was coming whether he wanted it or not, and it would be a lot easier for him to accept it and look forward to it, then resent it and be negative about it. As long as he stays away from the negativity I think he's fine. He's already calling me "Mama" and preggers, so I think he's looking forward to it deep down. Thanks again for the reply.
Northcutt2Be

rachel_claire February 1st, 2006 08:15 AM

I'm so happy for you about your pregnancy! Your fiance should be happy too! If you guys are going to get married, what's the problem with bringing a child into the world? Maybe he shouldn't be so easily manipulated by his friends....definitly give him time, hopefully he'll come around. He should support you no matter what decision you make and that's so rude of his friend to say those things and butt in like that. Friends are supportive, not manipulative.....good luck regardless!!

NCMomma2BE February 1st, 2006 09:13 AM

You are much more patient and understanding than I am :devil: My preggo hormones would've kicked in, and I would've kicked him out. I'm not saying to do this at all, sorry. I'm sure he will come around, especially once you start showing. My fiance was excited from the beginning, but once I started showing, it was sinking in for him and became real. Now he is thrilled but very very nervous. It's natural for men to be $%#holes apparantly lol. It just takes a little while for them to adjust, but once they do, it's usually well worth the wait :rolleyes:

I would just keep my eyes open if I were you, because you shouldn't have to convince him to want this baby, and if he is influenced that easily by his friends, you should just be careful, and if he doesn't come around soon, maybe you should stand up to him. Just my opinion, good luck sweetie :D

MirandasMommy February 1st, 2006 09:25 AM

Thanks so much for your replies!! It really helps to have someone to talk about these things with. Oh, and believe me I was pretty angry about the whole situation. And I told him, "I'm going to have and raise this baby, with or without you." That got his attention and he said, "I'm not going to leave you. It's both of our responsibility." So, hopefully he'll start being a little more enthusiastic about the pregnancy. I am even though it was unplanned!! Anyways, thanks again for the support!!
Northcutt2Be
P.S. I find out on Tuesday how far along I am :)

Cin1294 February 1st, 2006 11:49 AM

I think that I would have had some choice words for that SO CALLED friend of his. Good for you for standing up to him.

venessa04 February 1st, 2006 03:02 PM

how old are you and your fiancee? i think his friend has no room to say anything to him its not his life. did you fiancee want you to get an abortion or just his friend. and im happy your sticking up for your child good luck

Mommy2Ethan February 1st, 2006 03:14 PM

i was 19 when i found out i was preg ( im now 20) and my b/f is 24...he did not want me to have a baby...he was so mean about it at first all the time...and now im 28 weeks its getting better and better...there is no perfect time to have a baby....stuff happens and you need to deal with it...do not let another person make yo get an abortion...you will regret it forever...i would give your fiance some time...and maybe he will come around after a while

Ella! February 1st, 2006 03:20 PM

I hope he's not always this easily influenced. Just give him time. Lay it down for him and be honest with your feelings. You'll love your baby no matter what, congrats on your pregnancy!!!!

brigitte February 1st, 2006 05:37 PM

Hmmmm...Your man and my man sound like they'd become fast friends.... <_<

When I first told my man, he was pretty happy about it. He told me he was scared but happy. Then the night I went to my mom's to tell her the news, he went out with his bother to tell him the news and what do you know! He got some negativity! And who do you think calls me while at my mom's in a panic, saying he couldn't do this over and over again?? Yup! My boyfriend!! But I just gave him some encouraging words like "honey, don't worry, I'm scared too, but you know what? We're both strong and capable people! So I know we'll make it. Don't worry you'll make a great dad!" He ended up calming down, and in fact said he cried for the first time about it, and they were tears of joy.
So we're all happy and great about it, then his mom comes to town...And wouldn't you know it!!! Again he got some negativity (she actually pointed out slummy appartments to him and said "that's where you're going to end up!" !!!! :o ) and guess who calls me in tears saying he wants me to get an abortion!? YUP! MY BOYFRIEND!!! Almost a month being all happy about it, taking a weekly pregnancy picture and all! then Boom! Mommy comes to town and suddenly he wants an abortion??? HMPH! I told him where to shove it and hung up on him. Then he called me all appologetic, wanting to sit and talk about this. So we did, I fed him some more encouraging words, and wham! Back on the positive side...
Honey, we've got some very impressionable boys on our hands. But don't you worry! If they're THAT impressionable, remember! He sees YOU more than anyone! So that give you an advantage! :devil: hehehe!!!!
Just be VERY encouraging! Feed him compliments and make sure you tell him how much you believe in him.

And perhaps, maybe make his friend feel a little uncomfortable next time he comes over...Rub your belly lots, talk about the baby lots, show him u/s pics....And after you do all that, throw in a little "Ah, but what am I showing you all this for....after all, our lives are RUINED because of this baby...silly me!" Then ignore him for the rest of the night, or just be very cold with him. He's no friend to your man if he so selfishly crushes him and puts him down like that. Friends are supposed to be encouraging! He should tell him things like "Man! Well, a kid's a big deal and it'll be hard, but if anyone can pull it off, it's you man!" Like how bloody hard is that to say??!! Why are people such MORONS!!! Yeah, cuz we need more abortions and unwanted children on our planet!!! Thanks a lot JERKS!!!! What did he think he was doing??? Helping??? No way, he was just making things worse for not only you, but his so-called "friend" too!!! Well your man doesn't need him.

Ok, so I ranted like I usually do! hehe! So honey, be happy and show it around him. Whenever something new and exciting happens with the pregnancy, get him all pumped about it! He'll come around, and sooner or later, NOTHING will be able to break the positive! Not even his jerk stupid friend!!

MirandasMommy February 1st, 2006 08:51 PM

Brigitte,
OMG!! Thanks a lot for that reply! It was very reassuring and I even read the parts about my fiance's friend to my fiance so he could get the picture that I'm not overreacting and that I was right. I completely agree with everything you said. He's alright as long as he doesn't have so called "friends" telling him what he needs to do or not to do with MY body. Anyways, thanks again for the reply! I loved it!!!!
Northcutt2Be

Kayasmommy February 2nd, 2006 04:34 AM

Hi there Northcutt2Be~
I would just like you to know that i know how you feel as well. My b/f at the time, yuppers you have it right, at the time, wanted me to have an abortion. I had 1 year of college, so i wasnt finished yet and he didnt want any kids. I told him i was having this kid wether he liked it or not, he suddenly got excited, that was until he decided to hang out with his friends and would you know it negativity sure came pretty dang fast. Along with his new life style, drugs and alcohol, and thats when he went flying out the door pretty d*mn fast. You are not over reacting if you ask me it just gets really frustrating being pregnant and having to deal with your emtions and try to deal with you SO's constant change of emtions. Trust me our prego ladies are enough to handle. Well i have since had my little one, and in fact she came 14 weeks early weighing in 1 pound 15 ounces dropping down to 1 pound 9 ounces, and she was in the NICU from sept 29th til dec 16. And I did it all on my own, family lives 400 miles away, MY friends were and are very supportive. It sounds like your SO has come around quite a bit so you wont have to worry but if all necessary I know you would be able to make it and trust me its all worth it when you have them in your arms. Good Luck with everything.

sweet.hun February 3rd, 2006 04:28 PM

When I told my boyfriend that I was pregnant 4 weeks ago, he was really into wanting to get an abortion. I told him that wasn't happening and that he needed to deal with it and move on. Thankfully, now he's happy I'm having a baby and wishes that it would be a boy (me too)! He's been great and very supportive and asks me if I need anything when I start feeling nauseated. His friends are even supportive, but 1 did tell him to move out of the country. LOL.

But, if his friends did insist that I get an abortion, I would yell at them. My hormones are crazy right now and I probably would have said something like "I am not YOUR girlfriend, and this is NOT YOUR BABY, so you can butt the h*ll out of our business! I'm going to have this baby and if you can't be a supportive friend than get the h*ll out of our lives!" Also, if my boyfriend didn't stand up for me, he would have gotten an earful as well. With a lot more cussing. LOL.

Anyways, I'm hoping that as time goes on he will be more embrassing of your pregnancy. If you ever need to chat I'm here for you.

*~Kellie~* February 3rd, 2006 05:06 PM

Your fiance' shouldnt even consider what his friends are saying. His friends have NO right to say that and really should keep their mouths shut on the subject. Its between you and your fiance'.

You and your fiance' are not ruining your lives and they are probaly saying this knowing that when the baby comes he'll be too busy being a father to see them.

Your fiance' needs to tell his friends to keep their mouths shut and keep out of yours and his business.

my3sons February 7th, 2006 11:46 AM

hi northcutt2be,
i was just reading your posts and wanted to give you a little positive hope for the future with my story...although i am now 31(omg)when i was 21 i got pg with bf and like you had a very hard time telling my mom but withiin weeks it was all she could talk about and now 10 years later me and dh have 2 more sons and have been married for almost 11 years.
i forgot to tell you that after we found out that i was pg we eloped a week later....i just wanted you to know that some really great things can come from an unplanned pregnancy!!!!good luck-kristen


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