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-   -   what would u all do?? (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/146329-what-would-u-all-do.html)

Mom2DyJessAva February 4th, 2006 05:22 PM

what would you do to stop stressing over something?? i cant seem to stop stressing over my bf so i was wondering if any of u have advice on keeping my mind off of him..i wrote him an e-mail tell me if u think its messed up u could be honest! :smile:

"I never thought i would have a baby before i planned but as time passed i was happy that i was with u and not someone else because i new you were way different from other guys here..the way things are now has me wondering and thinking that maybe i was wrong..it wouldnt hurt u to be a little more supportive because lately you been making me feel like im alone in this..your always saying how your life is pretty much done..well u make it seem like its my fault."


was that acceptable or was that wrong to send to him? i dont no...

jade_jade February 4th, 2006 09:39 PM

I think sending the letter is a great idea...I think its really good that you are willing to write your feelings down and send it to him. Sometimes men are just idiots and don't know how to be as supportive as they're supposed to be. He's just overwhelmed right now but as long as you make it clear to him what you need...he should have no excuse. At the same time, be sure to be there for him emotionally as well b/c he might be feeling alone as well. I don't know how he treated you b4 this pregnancy thing but if it was well, then this pregnancy might just be a test to your relationship. Be open and honest with him about your feelings and make sure not to keep any unsettling feelings or anger inside.

I really hope everything works out for you. You deserve to have all the support and kindness at this crucial time so don't settle for anything less than that.

Jade

Telucero February 4th, 2006 09:45 PM

Its definitely a good idea for you to tell him your thoughts, honestly. However, if he doesn't come around you need to realize that being with him is not the best environment to be in. You need to surround yourself with people who are positive and supportive of you. You have made a choice to keep your child. Now you need to do what is best for you, and your child. However, hopefully after reading your email he will be able to share more of his thoughts with you. Men can be difficult to communicate with sometimes, they don't always find it as easy to express their fears as women can. For your sake, I hope this all works out for the best.

Mom2DyJessAva February 5th, 2006 05:06 AM

Thanks for the e-mail :smile: it put me in a better mood..before this pregnancy we were great...everything was great and we never fought for 3 years! Things started changing when his ex started to keep him away from his daughter (she has no excuse) but hes fighting that right now but anyways i was always there for him even when he was mean and took things out on me for no reason..he has a temper that i no but never seen it (and i dont think i wanna either) but just his sarcastic words sometimes keeps feelings inside of me..ill let everyone know what he says!...once again thank you guys!

brigitte February 5th, 2006 12:44 PM

Hey! Good for you for telling him how you feel. It's never good to keep things inside for too long. My philosophy is to let people know if I'm hurt or angry so that there's at least a chance for things to get better. If you don't let people know when they're hurting you, they'll keep doing it because they may not realize how badly it's affecting you (and trust me, sometimes, it's like "how the heck could they NOT know they're hurting me by the way they're acting!!!??). That's just human behaviour for ya!

If he treated you very well before the pregnancy, then it's most likely that he's scared. Especially because of his ex. He's probably so worried that if he lets this little baby, and you for that matter, into his fragile and hurting heart, that he'll just get crushed again. And unfortunately, his ex really messed that up for you guys!! But things are made to be broken, and then fixed up again!!! It's not an impossible feat to get him to trust you and the baby. It might be a good idea for you both to talk to someone. You're both dealing with a lot right now and maybe a pro can help mend some of this for you guys. He may also find it helpful to find a support group with people who are in similar situations so that he can have someone to relate to. Kind of like you with this place.

I hope everything works out and let us know what happens!

Mom2DyJessAva February 6th, 2006 06:12 AM

He never said anything about it!.. <_< didnt even bring anything up..oh well its his lost not mine..yeah i also think his ex is messing things up for us..hes actually a great father to her and the mom is just being messed up in the head..if he didnt see his daughter every day she gets mad and if he backs off a little she still gets mad its a no win situation!..i guess all i can do is wait..when he sees the first pictures..thanks guys.. :smile:

brigitte February 6th, 2006 07:22 AM

When are you getting the pictures? Hopefully that'll make him snap out of it.

Don't worry too much about him not responding to the email. Just be persistent. I'd bring it up to him next time you see him. He can't ignore it then. Take all that courage and strenght that you have inside and confront him once and for all. Not in an attacking sort of way, but in a way that he'll know this is serious business. I've been doing a bit of research on what books he could read that would help out, but so far, I haven't found one that fits just yet...But not to worry, I'll find one, and let you know. There are books for EVERYTHING out there, so I'll just make it my personal goal to find one for your man to read that might help put things into perspective. Yes I know, I'm a geek! Being pregnant has most definately "freed up" a lot of my time...lol (pregnancy brain fart! Did I spell that right?? Freed or is it supposed to be freeed ??? None of them look right to me!)

Anyhoo, good luck sweetie! Keep us posted as usual!

Mom2DyJessAva February 6th, 2006 07:47 AM

Quote:

When are you getting the pictures? Hopefully that'll make him snap out of it.

Don't worry too much about him not responding to the email. Just be persistent. I'd bring it up to him next time you see him. He can't ignore it then. Take all that courage and strenght that you have inside and confront him once and for all. Not in an attacking sort of way, but in a way that he'll know this is serious business. I've been doing a bit of research on what books he could read that would help out, but so far, I haven't found one that fits just yet...But not to worry, I'll find one, and let you know. There are books for EVERYTHING out there, so I'll just make it my personal goal to find one for your man to read that might help put things into perspective. Yes I know, I'm a geek! Being pregnant has most definately "freed up" a lot of my time...lol (pregnancy brain fart! Did I spell that right?? Freed or is it supposed to be freeed ??? None of them look right to me!)

Anyhoo, good luck sweetie! Keep us posted as usual![/b]


Thanks Briggitte!...i appreciate it a ton..hehe yeah you spelled it right..i think haha...im a geek to..ill be finding out tomorrow on everything...i cant wait!...so no luck yet on finding out the sex huh? well i hope you find it out soon..they should just tell u!...when my aunt went for hers like 3 years back they told her..its weird that they didnt tell u.. if it was me id be bugging them all the time and theyd get sick of me and just tell me hehe..wish u the best of luck in finding out the sex of your baby!

Brittainy412 February 6th, 2006 11:04 AM

The important thing is that you are being honest with him. continue to be honest.

brigitte February 6th, 2006 12:40 PM

Hey Galanisb,
No prob! And actually I may have a chance! Someone replied to my post about her best friend being an u/s tech so I've asked her to ask her friend to take a look. So keep your fingers crossed that she'll be able to see a little weewee or na-na! Ha! Who needs doctors when you know people who know people! hehe!

For sure let us know how things go with your guy. I just can't see him bailing on you or the baby since he's so good with his other daughter. He'll come around, I just think he'll need some coaxing! And girls are good at that!!!

Take care, keep us posted! And give your little beaner a tummy hug for me! Do you have any pics of your belly? I love seeing bellies!!

Mom2DyJessAva February 6th, 2006 02:10 PM

Quote:

Hey Galanisb,
No prob! And actually I may have a chance! Someone replied to my post about her best friend being an u/s tech so I've asked her to ask her friend to take a look. So keep your fingers crossed that she'll be able to see a little weewee or na-na! Ha! Who needs doctors when you know people who know people! hehe!

For sure let us know how things go with your guy. I just can't see him bailing on you or the baby since he's so good with his other daughter. He'll come around, I just think he'll need some coaxing! And girls are good at that!!!

Take care, keep us posted! And give your little beaner a tummy hug for me! Do you have any pics of your belly? I love seeing bellies!![/b]

ill be crossing my fingers that you find out what your having by the person that posted...no belly pictures yet...im actually not even showing..i think its because im a little bigger then what im suppose to be :( wanna no whats weird(well to me hehe) when i lay on my side for a long time then go on my back my stomach is actually hard but sometimes its like theres nothing there..normal? you have a cute belly! when is your due date?? oh yeah by the way my name is sandy :) hope to talk to u soon!


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