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-   -   Fiance won't stop smoking in the house... (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/149518-fiance-won-t-stop-smoking-house.html)

MirandasMommy February 9th, 2006 06:28 PM

Hey Everyone,
This post isn't that long, but I'm just really ticked right now because I found out two weeks ago that I'm pregnant (found out this past Tuesday that I'm 6 weeks preggers), and my fiance will not stop smoking in the house, as well as the same room that I'm in! I smoked before I found out I was pregnant (about a pack a day, same as my fiance) but I had to quit for the baby's sake so I feel he should care enough to at least smoke outside. I've shown him two different articles, one in a pregnancy book and one in a pregnancy magazine, that show that second hand smoke is basically the same thing as if I were lighting up. Any advice on how to get him to smoke outside? I've tried telling him how it's the same as me smoking, I've shown him the two articles, but nothing has worked.
Northcutt2Be

Telucero February 9th, 2006 06:44 PM

If I were in the situation I would tell him if he didn't keep his smoking outside that I would find another place to live. Make him understand you are not just making empty threats and he needs to respect your needs and ultimately the needs of the baby.

brigitte February 9th, 2006 07:29 PM

Hmph! Men are poopoo heads!!! GRRRR! I think that's very inconsiderate of him.

How would he feel if you had a smoke while you were preggers? If you know he would get really pissed off and hissy about it, then honey, you need to give him a wake up call. Next time you two are just sitting together, and he lights up, make a point to grab his pack, take a smoke out, put it in your mouth and ask him to pass the lighter. Like I said, if you know he's super against it, then he'll freak out, tell you to get that smoke out of your mouth and blablabla about how bad it is for the baby. To which you can reply "why can't I smoke? You smoke around me and it's the same thing as me having one, so why should I have to through the trouble of quitting?" Maybe that'll get to him and make him realize you're not joking. Now, don't actually have the smoke but threaten at least. Tell him that you've gone two weeks w/o smoking because you care about this little one, and if he cares, he needs to at least make the effort to take it outside! It's not like you're asking him to quit altogether! You're really not asking for much.
And on the other hand, if he's indifferent about smoking while preggers, then maybe try a little guilt from your end. Tell him that quitting smoking is extremely tough...the body goes through withdrawl and causes stress...The harder it is on you, the harder it is on the baby...You could actually end up losing the baby if your body goes into too much of a shock (try not to let this scare you, but this is what my doc told me. I also smoked before baby so he told me that I need to quit slowly, not right away all at once because the stress can make me have a miscarriage). So to make it easier for you, he needs to take it outside, otherwise he's causing more stress on you, which puts the baby at risk. I mean, seeing him light up must make you kind of crave, no? I still crave when my mom lights up in front of me, and please don't hate me, but I've had one or two drags of her smokes just to ease the craving. So I know first hand that it's way harder to quit when those around you aren't!
I dunno, you don't have to take any of this advice, but definately talk to him. And if her persists, and it still really bothers you, then leave. Take a week or two and go stay with your parents, or a friend or something...He'll get the picture.
Good luck sweety! Ah! All this talk about cigarettes are making me want one!!! Good thing I don't have any and no one around me is a smoker. (oh yeah, never mind, I'm alone right now because my b/f is visiting precious mommy!!! AHHHH!!!!!)

sweet.hun February 9th, 2006 08:15 PM

I just straight up looked at my BF when I was pregnant (I miscarried) and told him "What do you think the smoke is going to the baby?"

That got him to go outside really quickly.

pcgirl February 10th, 2006 06:24 AM

I completely understand where you are coming from. I smoked before I was pregnant and quit...dh still smokes. It was hard to tell him to go outside, I understand him....I used to smoke too. My dh is disabled and can't always go outside in the weather, so he's allowed to smoke in the bathroom with the window open and the vent going. We also have an understanding that once the baby arrives, there's no smoking in the house. I keep fans running in the bedroom if I smell the smoke (but usually I don't since the bathroom is on the opposite end of the house, and is well ventilated). It was a compromise that we all could live with.

Truthfully, I just whined enough that he got sick of hearing about it. And there have been plenty of times where I refused to kiss him or be around him because he smelled like smoke.

Give dh some time and work on him without yelling, screaming, or lecturing. He'll come around....it's just going to take some time (as it is with any addiction). You were able to quit because you have a life inside you.....he does not have that and can't completely comprehend the way you do (for the time being, that will change when you get further along and he "sees" things happening). The more you push him, poke at him, and such, the more resentful he'll become. You should know....you smoked yourself once before too :)

pregnantandscared February 10th, 2006 08:10 AM

i was lucky. i smoked for a long time too and when the time came that i found out i was preggers i quit very easily. the guy that i was dating didnt quit, but he made sure not to do it around me. there was one time that he did ask though. he was watching his precious football, and didnt feel like going outside. he thought that because i was in my room and he was in the living room it wopuld be okay. just to be sure he came in and asked (which i was happy about) i really was not in the mood to argue or anything so i told him that he was an adult and had to make decisions for himself. then i added that it wasnt good for the baby and let him decide. he was smart and decided to go outside. as for any advice i would give a person in your situation, i would say dont nag and dont yell because all that will get you is an angry fiance. nobody wants that. every time he lights up make a point to leave the house, even if its just to go outside and something. just be sure to let him know the reason you are leaving is because he insists on smoking in the house. when you leave be sure to leave windows and doors open to let some air in and the smoke out so that when you return, it isnt that bad.

MirandasMommy February 10th, 2006 08:24 AM

Thanks so much for the replies everyone. I haven't yelled at him or anything, I've just asked him to PLEASE go outside. I've told him "You're going to have to smoke outside when the baby comes anyhow, so why can't you do it now", "You smoking in the house is the same as smoking with a baby in the room", and I've asked him "Would you sit here and blow smoke in our baby's face because that's basically what you are doing". Nothing has worked so far. What makes me really ticked off though is that when his sister was preggers (we were living with her at the time) he would NEVER smoke around her in the house, and if she came outside he would put the cigarette out. So why the heck won't he do that for his fiance and his OWN baby!!!??? And, his sister has already had her baby, and everytime he knows they're going to be over at our house he'll smoke outside that whole day before they get here and while they are here. I just don't understand it. I guess I'll just have to go outside everytime he smokes until he starts feeling selfish and guilty. Thanks again for the advice.
Northcutt2Be

happymommyof1 February 10th, 2006 09:52 AM

see, id be a real b**ch about it, when you see him light up, grab it out of his mouth and throw it outside, along with the rest of his pack.... and say...

you wanna smoke that bad..?? GO GET IT! and then tell him he cant come back inside until he is done

Lisadear February 10th, 2006 10:16 AM

girl! I'd say print this thread and show him that it's not just you getting on his case and that it is in the best interest of both your and the baby's health.

How hard is it to step outside and smoke????

Takes two to have a kiddo ... ;)

xxx Lisa xxx

jennyn February 10th, 2006 08:43 PM

Quote:

see, id be a real b**ch about it, when you see him light up, grab it out of his mouth and throw it outside, along with the rest of his pack.... and say...

you wanna smoke that bad..?? GO GET IT! and then tell him he cant come back inside until he is done[/b]
I agree. . . we gave it up, and if he won't do that, then he should be banned from the house while smoking. actually, i used to get a sense of satisfaction out of him having to smoke outside in the rain with no shelter. . . :devil:


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