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-   -   My best friend is pregnant (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/150014-my-best-friend-pregnant.html)

HotMama84 February 10th, 2006 01:54 PM

Hi. My friend is not a member of this site and doesnt have a computer so I got permission to come on here and get some suggestions and advice and support for her. We both went to the store today to buy a test for her and she took it and it came up (+). She is so scared and saying she cant afford it and that the father of the baby (whom she doesnt talk to anymore) will have nothing to do with her and possibly turn her in because he is 17 and she is 21. It's so bad that she wants to try and misscarry(sp) or get an abortion but she doesnt have the money for that. I think the big thing that she is scared about is getting turned in because she was "with" a minor.

Any suggestions, advice, support for her?

Thank you! :(

irishxrose February 10th, 2006 03:04 PM

Quote:

Hi. My friend is not a member of this site and doesnt have a computer so I got permission to come on here and get some suggestions and advice and support for her. We both went to the store today to buy a test for her and she took it and it came up (+). She is so scared and saying she cant afford it and that the father of the baby (whom she doesnt talk to anymore) will have nothing to do with her and possibly turn her in because he is 17 and she is 21. It's so bad that she wants to try and misscarry(sp) or get an abortion but she doesnt have the money for that. I think the big thing that she is scared about is getting turned in because she was "with" a minor.

Any suggestions, advice, support for her?

Thank you! :([/b]
You need to check the statuatory rape laws in your state. She may or may not get in trouble for having sex with a minor. In Colorado, 17 is the age of consent, so check the age of consent in your state. Hopefully all goes well.

brigitte February 10th, 2006 03:52 PM

Hey,
Well I just did a bit of research...Check out http://www.avert.org/aofconsent.htm
This has all the ages of consent around the globe including the states. Scroll down and you'll find a break down of all the states and Iowa (I'm sorry, I checked your profile and it says you live in Iowa, so that's what I went with) has a consenting age of 14/16...I think your friend is safe, but I'd advise her to actually call like a lawyer or someone of the sort to confirm that before doing anything. To just call and ask is free.
Now if it turns out that he was of consenting age, and if she does decide to keep the baby, then who gives a crap about how he feels! If he wants to be a jerk, then hit him up hard for child support. The baby shouldn't go without just because he wasn't "ready" to be a dad. It takes TWO baby!!!

And as for finances...I've always told everyone that no matter what, people find a way to make things work if they really want it. There are sooooo many support groups and resources that can help her with all this. Plus, family and friends are a huge asset to have right now! Second hand stores and hand-me-downs are a tremendous help for those who aren't rich. Baby showers are also a god send! So just be very encouraging with her, and let her know that she's not alone...she has you already and what a great friend you are for helping her out right now!
And if she really can't go through with keeping the baby, and she can't afford an abortion, then she can always look into adoption. I don't really know how that works, but I know that some places will pay for all the doctors appointments and all the hospital bills, and all the prenatal care she'll need. It shouldn't have to cost her a thing! And she can opt to have it be an open adoption where she can still see the baby and have contact with the child.
This may be the better option for her if the others don't really work for her. Tons and tons of options out there for people in her shoes!
Wish her luck and keep us posted on how she's doing!

Ella! February 10th, 2006 04:00 PM

Congrats to your friend.. I hope she makes the best choice for her and the baby. Having a baby is one of the most wonderful things in the world!

HotMama84 February 10th, 2006 06:04 PM

She is really scared to tell her family and other friends because she is afriad they will get mad at her. We live in a small town, so word gets around fast, and she is afraid of that. I am the only one she has told because I was there with her when she found out. I know a baby is a blessing, but she just found out, so I am sure it will take a while for the shock to wear off. Hopefully after that she will see the good in it and not only the bad. Thank you all for your input! :smile:

*~Kellie~* February 11th, 2006 02:00 AM

I dont know the laws in your state but 16 is the legal age in many states and countries for that matter so i'm sure she's safe but its always good to look more into these things.

I'm sure that at this point in time pregnancy to her is a very bad thing, but if she talks to her family/parents and discusses the pregnancy with them - they will probaly be shocked and upset but eventually they will get over it and be supportive.

I also agree with Brigitte if she cant afford an abortion then tell her to look into adoption if she doesnt want to keep the child. I dont think she should force miscarriage at all.

Good luck to your friend. I hope everything works out for her.

MirandasMommy February 11th, 2006 08:27 AM

Congrats to your friend!! I understand the "small town" thing. I graduated high school with 14 people in my class, so I understand how news/rumors fly like crazy. But just tell her not to care what anyone says and to hold her head high. Financially, there are a lot of options single mothers have to provide for their babies. If you have WIC (Women, Infants, Children) in your state they will provide her with milk, juices, cheese, and other stuff throughout her pregnancy, and with formula and stuff after the baby is born. And also she might want to check if she's eligible for Medicaid because they will cover all of her hospital bills and the baby's bills. My newborn niece is on Medicaid and had to have heart surgery at 2 months of age, and it paid everything. So just ask her to look into those things. And let her know that we're all here for support and that she's not alone!!!!
Northcutt2Be

happymommyof1 February 11th, 2006 08:40 AM

yea she needs to check the state laws... MI where im from is 17, so if he is over the limit, not only can she NOT get into any trouble for this, he would HAVE to pay her child support if she wanted!!!! im sure she just needs time for the shock to wear off... and whatever she decides to do. i hope that you will support her... she will need it...


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