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-   -   I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/1872696-i-need-so-much-help-pregnant-one-night-stand.html)

asherzbaby February 13th, 2010 01:48 AM

I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
Hi everyone, my name is Ashley and I am 19. I turn 20 on March 27th, 2010. I am a sophomore in college, im studying child life, I plan to get a business degree in it so I can be a Child Life Specialist. I do not have a boyfriend and I'm not much of a partier. In high school I partied a lot but I'm not really like that anymore.

BUT, Jan 16, I went to party with some friends. I wanted to have a good time and be silly, so I started drinking. I met this guy and after a little time went by of us making out and whatever, we had sex, and it wasn't protected.

So the next day I had a hangover and I didn't remember all of what had happened but I could remember the main details.

That party is the first time I had ever met this guy, I don't even know his last name, his age, phone number, nothing! It was a total one night stand that was meant for us to never again have contact.

So my period was due on Jan 30, and my cycles are very regular. But my period didn't come. I waited 6 days to take a pregnancy test. I went to the store and bought of box that had 3 tests in it. I took them at different times in the day, and all came up positive.

I have an amazing family and great friends and I consider myself I good person. Yes, I've obviously made some mistakes, but that is all apart of life. I don't think my mistakes take away from the person I am.

If I had a boyfriend/fiance/husband right now, I would be fine. I have my own place, my own car, my own job, I get an education, and I am financially stable.

BUT, I DON'T have a boyfriend/fiance/husband. The father of my unborn child is a stranger to me! And yes, it is for sure this guy because he is the only guy I have had sex with in about 6 months.

So basically, I need LOTS of help. I have not told anyone I know! I am too scared to tell anyone. I want to get my thoughts and plans in order before I tell anyone.

Abortion is not an option for me. Adoption I could do, but I feel like I am very capable of raising a baby now besides the fact I have no partner.

So what should I do?
Should I even tell the guy I'm pregnant with his baby? And if I do tell him and he wants to be involved, that is great.
But what if he doesn't want to be involved? I would want at least a little bit of his input on it.
For example, I would want to know his family history with diseases and such. You know what I mean? I gotta know.

And besides everything else, what will people think of me? When people start asking who is the dad, what am I supposed to say? Everyone will think so badly of me and I don't want that. I want to be a classy lady and I don't want people saying untrue things about me.

Anyway, if you read all of this, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm really scared and confused and I just need to talk! So if you reply thank you dearly!

XOXO, Ashley

iMama February 13th, 2010 10:11 AM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
Hi Ashley,

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I know the timing and circumstances are less than ideal, but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, and will make a great mother if that is what you decide to do. We all make mistakes, but I think it takes a lot of courage for you to be willing to take responsibility for them.

I think you need to do what feels right in your heart. I don't think you need to make a decision about whether or not you put your baby up for adoption right away. You're dealing with enough now as it is without having to make a huge decision like that. I think as time goes on you'll figure it out.

If l were in your shoes, I would tell the baby's father. Regardless of whether or not he wants to be involved, it is important that you get his medical history, and I think at the end of the day he deserves to know.

It's impossible to know what people are going to think of you. Odds are, there are probably going to be some out there who will judge you, but the important ones, your family and friends, are really the ones that matter. They know that you're a good person. You can't control what others think or say, but you can control how you behave and react to them. If people ask questions about the baby's father, you aren't obligated to give them all the details. I think it is sufficient to tell them that he isn't in the picture anymore, and if they pry, you have every right to say it's too hard to talk about. It's really not their business. In terms of professors or professional folks, they probably won't ask you personal details. I am going to be a single mother in July, and I've been so surprised by how positive people have been about my pregnancy. I've also been surprised by the lack of questions and judgment. It could be the case that things are happening behind my back, but professors, co-workers, and acquaintances have all been very kind. I think you can be absolutely be classy and a single mother at the same time. I worry about how people are going to judge me too, but I think getting larger and actually having the baby will force me to be less concerned about what others think.

Please feel free to join us ladies on the single mommies board! They are all really nice. I don't have any children yet, but they have been so welcoming and supportive. There is also a teen mothers board. I think a lot of the women who post there are mothers in their early twenties, so that might be another good place to find support. Also, if you haven't already, you should start taking prenatal vitamins. If you haven't started, don't stress out, but go get some as soon as you can. They will be good for you and your baby.

Please keep us posted on how you and your little one are doing!

-Ingrid

Love My Joey February 13th, 2010 10:16 AM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
Hi Ashley,
I'm Angie and I have a beautiful 4 month old baby boy who definately wasn't planned. His father and I were never bf/gf, it was like a friends with benefits thing and as horrible as it sounds, I really didn't know anything about him. When I found out I was prenant it was a complete shock. I chose to tell the father once I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I didn't want to tell him and then have him try and talk me into getting an abortion or whatever (which is what most guys say at first). So I told him I was pregnant, I was keeping it, and he could choose to be around or not. He was sooooo mad but he got over it and we talked every once in a while when I was pregnant and then once the baby was here he bailed. Now he is trying to be around but I don't know. I think once you know exactly what you want to do you should tell the father. He deserves to know he has a kid and I think every kid deserves to have their father involved in their lives (unless they are bad guys of course). You never know, he could suprise you and choose to be involved. Do you have a way to contact him though if you don't have his number or last name? I'm 21, in college, working, living on my own and I couldn't imagine my life without my son in it. It has it's hard times but I love it...it is sooo worth it. My family was a little shocked at first....just because I had never mentioned this guys name to them so when I told them who the father was, they were like "Who" lol. I would definately expect your family to be shocked but I'm sure they will come around. Good luck with everything and I think thats great that abortion isn't something you could do. I considered doing that but it was out of panic and I'm so glad that I didn't because I could never have lived with that. Sorry this is so long I just like to share my story in case it helps someone in a similar situation. If you ever want to talk feel free...everything will work out.

KendallsMommy February 13th, 2010 12:27 PM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
Hi Ashley..I'm Amelia..Congrats on the pregnancy! Like the other ladies said you have a good head on ur shoulders and you do whatever you feel you need to do. And your family will be shocked but they will eventually come around. They may not need to come around..They may be so happy for you, you wont believe it! And it might be a good idea to contact him..because he may want to be involved! Good luck..and let us know how things go..

asherzbaby February 13th, 2010 03:40 PM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
Thanks everyone, it's good to know I have support. :)

I'm going to make a doctors appointment for next week, what should I expect?

I think it's going to be okay. The main thing I am worried about is that I don't know the guys family medical history and things like that. That is what really worries me.

I think after I go to the doctor, I will start telling my family.
Thanks for the advice guys :)

KendallsMommy February 13th, 2010 09:54 PM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by asherzbaby (Post 19044109)
Thanks everyone, it's good to know I have support. :)

I'm going to make a doctors appointment for next week, what should I expect?

I think it's going to be okay. The main thing I am worried about is that I don't know the guys family medical history and things like that. That is what really worries me.

I think after I go to the doctor, I will start telling my family.
Thanks for the advice guys :)

They'll more than likely do a vaginal ultrasound to see how far along you are and to check on the baby. Maybe a papsmear? Again good luck and keep us posted! Oh and when u find out when ur due you should check out your due date club on justmommies!

asherzbaby February 14th, 2010 12:21 AM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
Okay cool :)

Are they gonna do blood tests? I hate needles :(

Also, I take medicine for IBS everyday, will I have to stop that?

Mom.to.PinknBlue February 14th, 2010 02:11 AM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
They will most likely draw your blood to check your pregnancy hormone levels.
And you may have to stop the medication for your IBS.

Do not worry what people with think of you. Everyone will always have an opinion and its not important.
IMO I say tell him and if he wants to be involved that is fantastic. If not, then it is his loss. You said you have wonderful family and friends, and if they are truly wonderful they will realize things happen and will support you every step of the way.
I wish you the best of luck!

asherzbaby February 14th, 2010 03:10 PM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
Thanks everyone :)

Jodi Dawn February 14th, 2010 10:43 PM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
what you need to do is make a list of questions that you want to ask the drs... liek about your medicine and all of that stuff. Get a signed paper saying that you are pregnant and with your Expected due date... this way you have proof and if you need to get medical assistance or anything like that and wic. Also ask for some STD tests just so you are in the clear.

You can ask around and see if anyone knows the guy.

Best of luck hun. Keep us posted!

asherzbaby February 18th, 2010 11:59 PM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
I went to the doctor yesterday (thursday) and found out that tomorrow I will be 7 weeks :)
I was sooo nervous for this appointment but it turned out okay. He asked me for the fathers medical history, and I couldnt tell him anything :(
But besides that, it was fine. My due date is October 9th, 2010.

tiffanys February 22nd, 2010 02:59 PM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
Congrats on your pregnancy, hun! I'm really sorry for what you are going through, but I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and that this baby is going to bless your life in more ways than you could ever know, no matter what anyone thinks of you!
If it were me, I think I would contact the father...I feel like he has a right to know and to make a decision for himself after that! I pray that your family and friends are supportive of you and that they don't judge you, but the fact of the matter is it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks and you and this little baby will make it with or without their support!

Again, Huge congrats and I hope and pray that you have a very happy and healthy pregnancy!

Jodi Dawn February 22nd, 2010 04:18 PM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
Congrats!! I think everything will be okay. Were you able to find any thing out about the father of your baby? I hope that you can get some info, if thats what you want.

keep us updated!

conley1988 February 22nd, 2010 08:42 PM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Love My Joey (Post 19041730)
Hi Ashley,
I'm Angie and I have a beautiful 4 month old baby boy who definately wasn't planned. His father and I were never bf/gf, it was like a friends with benefits thing and as horrible as it sounds, I really didn't know anything about him. When I found out I was prenant it was a complete shock. I chose to tell the father once I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I didn't want to tell him and then have him try and talk me into getting an abortion or whatever (which is what most guys say at first). So I told him I was pregnant, I was keeping it, and he could choose to be around or not. He was sooooo mad but he got over it and we talked every once in a while when I was pregnant and then once the baby was here he bailed. Now he is trying to be around but I don't know. I think once you know exactly what you want to do you should tell the father. He deserves to know he has a kid and I think every kid deserves to have their father involved in their lives (unless they are bad guys of course). You never know, he could suprise you and choose to be involved. Do you have a way to contact him though if you don't have his number or last name? I'm 21, in college, working, living on my own and I couldn't imagine my life without my son in it. It has it's hard times but I love it...it is sooo worth it. My family was a little shocked at first....just because I had never mentioned this guys name to them so when I told them who the father was, they were like "Who" lol. I would definately expect your family to be shocked but I'm sure they will come around. Good luck with everything and I think thats great that abortion isn't something you could do. I considered doing that but it was out of panic and I'm so glad that I didn't because I could never have lived with that. Sorry this is so long I just like to share my story in case it helps someone in a similar situation. If you ever want to talk feel free...everything will work out.

That is exactly the advice I would give. I would also go to your friends and ask them about the guy you had took interest in, do they remember him, etc. Facebook him if you can't get any real address. A name is truly enough in this day in world. Goodluck!

asherzbaby March 4th, 2010 04:12 AM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
Thanks everyone=]

cera0701 March 4th, 2010 02:01 PM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
Wow Ashley what a journey you have been on. BTW I am due 10/11 so just a few days after you!

First of all if anyone judges you let him cast the first stone. No one has any place in doing that. This is an unplanned pg for me as well. I am going through a divorce from an abusive husband and I have meet someone new and now he and I are expecting a child. Talk about a shocker :eek: Plus my family is extremely religious and some of them are really looking down on me right now!

Anyways I say all of that to say you are doing the right thing and will make an excellent mommy if you choose to do so.

Also, a good friend of mine was in the exact same situation, and she choose to tell the father. Now their baby is over a year old and they are engaged!!! You never know what might happen, you just might want to give him a chance he may be the best thing since sliced bread ;)

Good luck to you!!!

asherzbaby March 4th, 2010 10:06 PM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by cera0701 (Post 19315530)
Wow Ashley what a journey you have been on. BTW I am due 10/11 so just a few days after you!

First of all if anyone judges you let him cast the first stone. No one has any place in doing that. This is an unplanned pg for me as well. I am going through a divorce from an abusive husband and I have meet someone new and now he and I are expecting a child. Talk about a shocker :eek: Plus my family is extremely religious and some of them are really looking down on me right now!

Anyways I say all of that to say you are doing the right thing and will make an excellent mommy if you choose to do so.

Also, a good friend of mine was in the exact same situation, and she choose to tell the father. Now their baby is over a year old and they are engaged!!! You never know what might happen, you just might want to give him a chance he may be the best thing since sliced bread ;)

Good luck to you!!!

That's amazing! I can only hope to be that lucky.

Thank you=]

SerendipitysChild March 7th, 2010 12:09 PM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
Hi Ashley! Congratulaions!!! You certainly have a level head on your shoulders!!!

I was in the middle of a divorce when I met and started dating my baby's donor.....I knew he did not want children and I was taking the pill on top of having some fertility issues. I have a 4 year old girl from my marriage and I consider her a little miracle!
Flash forward to last summer, I had a feeling and took a test before I was even late.....Positive.....I told the baby's father I was pregnant and told him that I would terminate the pregnancy but I just couldn't do it (Best decision I've ever made!) When I told him I was keeping the baby and he did not have to stick around if he did not want too he was furious and became VERY abusive. In the end he threatened to beat me black and blue and murder myself and he baby so I called the police and got an anti harassment order. I wish that I had never told him and just left and disappeared off his radar because he continues to be a threat to me and my son. My story is definitely the polar opposite of others out there but I will never regret keeping my son!! I am due in a few weeks and can't wait to meet him!!! My family has been wonderful and the people in my life who were judgmental over my situation were moved to the back of the line!! Life is too short and too wonderful for judgmental people! :D

Even if you never speak to the one who gave you your baby again, you will be okay!!!

Good Luck Hon!!!!

ginlovin7 March 14th, 2010 05:45 AM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant by one night stand
 
My son and daughter in law have adopted one little boy and now after a little more than a year are ready for another child. They waited 10 years for their first little one and the difference he has made in their life is unbelievable. Please, if you decide on adoption, consider looking at this page. God bless you in this huge decision. Grandma Ginger

HELP NIK AND AMY BECOME PARENTS on Facebook

my recent post to the group:
Ginger Robb Hulet "Benjamin has been sending out some pretty impressive messages lately. Just this past week he told his father he wanted Grandma Ginger to come visit him for the weekend..and his dad said "he just wouldn't have it" when he tried to reason with him about it. Likewise he was recently telling me, his Grandma Ginger that he was getting a little bored with just mom and dad to play with. He said he felt like it was time for a brother or sister to join the family. With that I promised him I would put the word out to all of his good friends here on facebook. Well, there you have it straight from 1 year old Benjamin's mouth? I guess we had all better keep our eyes and ears open for that next little one to be his little partner in the Hulet family. Thank you friends and family."

Miss Renz 423 July 31st, 2013 02:47 AM

Re: I need so much help!! Pregnant byafne night stand
 
Hi Ashley my name is Renz I'm 21 I will freely admitt to you that I got pregnant from a one night stand to a samoan guy that I met at a nightclub 7 months ago I am now 7 months pregnant next week with my first child I slept with him on February 3rd this year and ovulated on February the 5th I didn't use protection I know exactly what your going through I was on my last year of my degree this year studying to be a social worker I would have been finished and graduated with my degree on december the 6th of this year and I also work part time on the weekends and have been there for six years this year I didn't find out I was pregnant until Thursday the 16th of April this year I was just going to the doctor's for a checkup as I wasn't feeling well I had been having headaches and been more tired than usual and I had missed my period since february I done a pregnancy test to make sure that I wasn't pregnant and it came back positive and I was in so much shock I didn't know what to do as I had a partner at this stage as well and had been with him for nearly three months I went to my best friend and told her that I was pregnant and we went to the hospital and done two more pregnancy tests and they were both positive too be honest with you I didn't want to keep my baby due to the fact that I was on my last year of my degree and I was also worried about my job and I was scared that my partner would leave me and I wasn't ready to have any kids I didn't know how far along I was until I went for my scan two weeks later and they said I was 14 weeks pregnant so I couldn't have an abortion as I had already passed the 3 month mark and I don't think I would have been able to do that I also had considered adoption as I knew straight away that the father wouldn't want to be in the picture I didn't get a number from him after that night I slept with him and I didn't know how to get ahold of him at least with adoption my baby would of had a mother and a father It was a very hard decision I had to make and it was one of the hardest decisions that I've had to make in my life after my 1st scan and seeing my baby moving around I thought no way am I giving up my baby I love my baby and I will be an awesome mother and give him everything and always be there for him and I think everything happens for a reason I ended up keeping my baby and now I have a beautiful baby boy on the way one of the hardest things was telling my parents but now that my parents have come to terms with it they are excited to become grandparents I ended up carrying on with my course and have planned to go back next year or the year after to finish the last 5 months due to all the stress from course I finished three weeks ago and my son is due in october so I had alot of hard decisions to make and I have taken maternity leave from my job for a whole year but I will always have my job there as a backup and sadly me and my partner ended up finishing but he was alright with me being pregnant and stayed with me for another few months but in the end I just wanted to be single and focus on me and baby I think with this and what you are going through having support is very important and keeping positive I never realised how strong I was until I went through this it has made me alot stronger and if you want me to be entirely honest with you there is going to be people that are going to judge you as I get asked that question all the time who is the father of my son and I tell the truth I just tell them that I am not with the father and he is not going to be in the picture and that he doesn't want to be involved and he's not ready to be a father I suggest going to counselling to talk to someone about how you are feeling also helps I ended up seeing the father to my baby when I was 5 months pregnant at a nightclub and I told him that I was pregnant and that he had a son on the way so I had given him an opportunity to be a father to my son despite the fact that it was a one night stand and he tried to say he doesn't remember me and doesn't know me I told him where to go and that we don't need him. I only know his first name but I don't know his last name but I couldn't understand the fact that he got me pregnant and yet he doesn't want to be a father to our baby boy it hurt like hell what he did to me but it has made me alot stronger and my son has given me strength to carry on as I know I have a little baby boy that needs me it is one of the hardest things that you are going to go through it has been for me but I wouldn't change a thing you are always going to have people that judge you but just think and remember that you have a baby that needs you and stay positive and carry on that's what I think. I have accepted the fact that I'm going to be a single mum for the next 18 years and my friends and family have been very supportive I have brought my son everything on my own from basinet to clothes and I have already picked out a name for him I am glad that I am going to be a mother I love my son and wouldn't change anything for the world before I got pregnant I never really cared about anything use to go out and drink but now I have a reason to live and I am going to be an awesome mother and will always be there for my son I will always make sure that he has everything and the father of my son is going to miss out on his son I definately don't think about drinking or partying anymore he has made me grow up makes me want to move out of my parent's house so I do understand what you are going through as I am going through it myself so if you ever need to talk or need advice I'm here for you I didn't actually realise that there were many other people out there that got pregnant from one night stands but there is and I'm happy that I could share my story with you.


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