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-   -   My story is a bit strange (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2372658-my-story-bit-strange.html)

Rinchan July 14th, 2011 11:19 AM

My story is a bit strange
 
So, I just got married in May. I wanted to get pregnant soon after marriage because I dated my SO for 8 1/2 years. (I'm 24 years old) But many of my family members (mostly sister and sister in laws) discouraged me and told me that I should have a year with just me and my husband. I kind of fell into the pressure and continued birth control.

Flash foreward a month after the wedding. Lots of drinking at our complex, I got care less, neglected to take the pill. Me being very stupid figured it wouldn't matter.

Today I took the test and find out that I am pregnant. And I am freaking out. I haven't been to the doctor yet so I don't know if it is just a false positive. But I am worried how my family is going to feel. And yeah I know I'm married, and it's my life, but it would be nice to have their support and for them not to be judgemental.

And there is sort of another issue. I just graduated college last March. Back then, I figured I'd have a job by now. But I ended up getting too into the wedding planning because I had not done much because I wanted to concentrate on school, and I've been having trouble finding a job. Well now that I am pregnant, will anyone hire me?

And my husband does have enough money to support us and I own some good stocks, so money won't be to much of an issue. In my frusteration of job searching, I once declared that I just wanted to be a house wife. I wasn't serious but my husband said that would be fine. I am also very lucky in that I do not have any college loans or debt. But I don't want it to look like my husband married a loser who won't work!

My mom will be supportive. She's kind of old fashioned in that she doesn't believe in birth control. (And she didn't know I was taking it and she is completely cluless I think that I was sexually active before marriage.)

Also I've been drinking prior to having a positive test, drinking caffien, I have a cat and I would clean the litter box...

Ahh it's all so frusterating! And I feel like I'm a teenager with how much I am dreading announcing it to my family! This feels like it's so screwed up when it should not be!

Leogirl July 14th, 2011 07:45 PM

Re: My story is a bit strange
 
First of all, Hi, Congrats and welcome to JM! Secondly, you don't need to tell anyone in your family that you are having a surpise baby. For all they know you went off birth control. Really it's none of thier business. I'm sure there will be a few snarky comments but there are in every family and they will come around in time. All that matters is that you and your husband are happy.

Most of us aren't saints and I would conjecture that there are a lot more unplanned babies than planned ones so "bad" prepregnancy behavors are to be expected. Every Dr is different but mine says that 12 ounces of soda,coffee, or tea a day is ok. They also say that 1 glass of wine, 1 bottle of beer, or 1 shot of liqour a week is ok too. Odds are you are fine and now that you know you can treat yourself accordingly.

Go ahead and make your Dr's appt and start taking over the counter prenatals. Relax, have fun, and enjoy being a new mama! Join a Due Date Club and stick around. The ladies here are all great. Best of luck!

Rinchan July 14th, 2011 11:58 PM

Re: My story is a bit strange
 
Thanks Leogirl. That made me feel better.

But a new issue sprung up. I told my husband, and he has been freaking out about it. He's worried that our child will consume our life and that we won't be able to follow anymore of our dreams. I can kind of see where he is coming from but it's disheartening. I always imagined that when I found myself pregnant, we would both be very excited. Not all this disappointment and fear. I guess when I told my family the news, I had always imagined that they would all be excited like we were when my sister and sister in laws all got pregnant.

I can't believe how emotional this whole thing has made me. This whole thing sucks.

Leogirl July 15th, 2011 11:07 PM

Re: My story is a bit strange
 
It's pretty normal for men to react badly in the begining. It's harder for them to feel like it's real because they aren't the one carring the little one around. It goes back to the old saying " A woman becomes a mother as soon as she gets a postive pregnancy test, a man becomes a father when when he sees his child born." Give him some time. It's all very unexpected and new. He'll come around.

There are very few things that you can't still do with a child. You may have to wait or go about doing them differently but you can still do them.

navywifey2003 July 16th, 2011 02:12 AM

Re: My story is a bit strange
 
I was in a very similar situation with our first son. My husband and I got married at 19 and 21. We became a military family and he was not moving to WA without me. We moved got settled in and I figured once I had insurance set up I would take care of the birth control issue. Needless to say that never happened, almost 1 month to the day after we got married I found out I was pregnant. Everyone assumed that I was pregnant before we got married and thats why we moved the wedding up a month (not the case, due to ships movements we had to move up the date). My husband was terrified when I told him. He didnt have the best childhood so fatherhood scared the living daylights out of him. All that changed when we saw our baby on the u/s screen. He was immediately in love and said we are going to have a son. I said okay uh huh you know everything (I was only 10 weeks). He was great after that and is an amazing father to our soon to be 3 children! It takes some getting use to when you are not really expecting it but it can be truly amazing!

My family they were excited for us but some didnt agree because they thought it would ruin our lives. My dad actually said, do you really think having a baby is the best idea? I told him well its a little late for that isnt it? He adores my children and honestly so so supportive when we found out about our 2nd child (who is our unplanned/kinda planned oops) He flew up several times to help out with her and our son since my husband was deployed.

Let me tell you our lives are so much fuller because of the little people in it! They were both laughing in the back seat of the car at the wind blowing in their face because the window was down, I mean busting up laughing, so simple right? But it melting my heart and I turned to my husband and told him our lives are so much better because they are in it. Each day is a new adventure or a struggle and I am sure you and your husband will do just fine! It may change your life but its for the better I promise!

star shaped July 16th, 2011 12:38 PM

Re: My story is a bit strange
 
Congratulations! I'm sure everything will work itself out for you. You wanted to get pregnant soon after marriage but mainly didn't do it because of pressure and opinions from family, right? You're an adult who doesn't need to be told how to live her life. If they would prefer to be married a year before having children, that's fine, but it's not right for everyone. You've been together for a long time. They might not be supportive at first, but I'm sure they'll come around very soon. At least you're not having an unplanned baby at 16. Your family likely won't be upset about it for very long. Also, you don't have to tell them anytime soon. Most people decide to wait until they're at least 12 weeks along to announce it.

As for your husband, he'll probably get over it eventually as well. It often takes guys a while to process news like this, especially when it's unplanned. Many guys freak out even when it's planned. Just give him some space and time, even though it's hard to not have him as support right now. A child doesn't mean the end to all fun in your life. Since you guys are okay financially, it'll give you freedome that many people with unplanned pregnancies don't have.

As for a job, you technically don't have to tell employers when your'e hired that you're pregnant. That doesn't mean they won't be annoyed when 4 months down the line you tell them you're pregnant and want to schedule maternity leave. You should get family medical leave which will keep any benefits active and secure your job, but some employers require you to be there longer to get extended paid maternity leave. Also, if you want to stay at home with the baby for a while after he/she is born, you might just want to wait to start a job.

trulyblessed July 21st, 2011 08:22 AM

Re: My story is a bit strange
 
Congrats on your pregnancy!

Here's the thing, you're married. I understand your sisters and sister in law felt it would be best for you to wait before getting pregnant but they aren't in your relationship. Whether it was decided upon or not, it's happened and it's between you and your husband. I'm sure if you sat them down and told them "remember how I had planned on waiting to get pregnant because I wanted at least a year alone with my husband before trying??" and they will say "yessssss", and you will say "well, I'm pregnant." Sure there may be some shock or silence, but you know what? it honestly doesn't matter what they have to say about it. All that matters is you and your husband being happy about it. Okay, you told your husband you wouldn't mind being a housewife and he agreed that it would be okay with him too. You said he makes more than enough money to support you and a baby if need be so don't stress the working part. If you can't right now then you simply can't. It doesn't mean he married a "loser". Everyone lives their lives differently. I got pregnant at 19 and my husband (fiance at the time) moved in with me and he worked while I stayed home. I have NEVER worked a day in my life. I'm serious when I say that. And although I wish I had at SOME point in my life, it doesn't mean I won't in the near future. I have 3 kids and I'm looking to work sooner or later. I'm only 25 so I have a lot of time. No experience but I'll figure something out. Gotta start off somewhere. And look, you weren't working because you were attending college. That says a lot about you (GOOD THINGS) but it definitely doesn't say LOSER. As for your mom, at least you'll have her support and sometimes one persons support is all you need. Your sisters and sister in law will honestly get over it because as you progress in your pregnancy, things will become very exciting. Not just for you but for them too. Especially if you try to include them in the little things, if you're comfortable with that.

Take it day by day. You got pregnant because it's meant that way. As for you cleaning the litter box, I wouldn't worry so much as you're very early. If you were well into your first trimester then it may be different. When you see your doctor mention it to her/him but I think you're fine. When I was unknowingly pregnant with my first I changed the cat liter but when I found out that I was expecting I never did it again and everything turned out okay. Don't worry about the caffeine either. I drank a lot of soda in ALL my pregnancies and my kids are just fine. I don't drink coffee but it's not that big of a difference. And you've been drinking? I drank a week before finding out I was pregnant with my second and when I got pregnant with my fourth I honestly drank every weekend. I even drank on New Years and got so drunk and then 2 days later I found out I was pregnant. It's okay, it's not like you're 3 months pregnant and you're drinking. You're going to be fine and so is your baby.

Sorry this is long but I just wanted it to be thorough because I want you to know that everything will work out. Good luck to you and again, congrats! Happy and healthy 9 months!!!

trulyblessed July 21st, 2011 08:27 AM

Re: My story is a bit strange
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Rinchan (Post 24381429)
Thanks Leogirl. That made me feel better.

But a new issue sprung up. I told my husband, and he has been freaking out about it. He's worried that our child will consume our life and that we won't be able to follow anymore of our dreams. I can kind of see where he is coming from but it's disheartening. I always imagined that when I found myself pregnant, we would both be very excited. Not all this disappointment and fear. I guess when I told my family the news, I had always imagined that they would all be excited like we were when my sister and sister in laws all got pregnant.

I can't believe how emotional this whole thing has made me. This whole thing sucks.

And now I just read this about your husband. I'm sorry he feels this way but I think he's just in shock. You feel down about the pregnancy because your family but he feels down about the pregnancy because of his plans for the future with you. But in the end, everything will be fine. I keep saying that because it will be. He's just concerned, which is completely understandable but if you both sit down together and work out your fiances, he's going to see that you can afford this. There's really never a right time to have a baby. It happens when it's going to happen. Whether we're ready or not. Just work together and it'll be fine. Also, if you decide to want to work while being pregnant then go for it. There's jobs you can do and people will hire you because you're still early.

Rinchan July 21st, 2011 07:47 PM

Re: My story is a bit strange
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by trulyblessed (Post 24432212)
And now I just read this about your husband. I'm sorry he feels this way but I think he's just in shock. You feel down about the pregnancy because your family but he feels down about the pregnancy because of his plans for the future with you. But in the end, everything will be fine. I keep saying that because it will be. He's just concerned, which is completely understandable but if you both sit down together and work out your fiances, he's going to see that you can afford this. There's really never a right time to have a baby. It happens when it's going to happen. Whether we're ready or not. Just work together and it'll be fine. Also, if you decide to want to work while being pregnant then go for it. There's jobs you can do and people will hire you because you're still early.


He seems to be accepting it now. I think he was just in shock. But thanks for all your comments! I feel better about staying home now!

But we did get our first negative comment today. It was a "Um how long have you been married?" Yeah....

trulyblessed July 21st, 2011 07:53 PM

Re: My story is a bit strange
 
LOL, people are ALWAYS going to have something to say!! And the further you get into your pregnancy, the more you're going to experience it but you know what? it really doesn't matter. You can reply back with something sarcastic so they realize how stupid they were for even saying something like that. That's what I do lol. Girl, it's been 5 years and I still get negative remarks here and there. When I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter I told my cousin and believe me I was thrilled. All I heard was "why so soon? again???" - nope, he didn't say congrats. I just looked at him and I was like "um, I'm happy with it and it was planned." I ignored him for the rest of the day because he just irked the crap out of me lol.

I'm glad he's accepting it now. Like I told you, it was shock lol. I'm glad you feel better hun. Things will only get better!!

mammaz80 July 26th, 2011 05:33 PM

Re: My story is a bit strange
 
It's your life. Do what you want, your family will come around. Sometimes when you stop asking for their approval is when you will get it.


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