JustMommies Message Boards

JustMommies Message Boards (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/)
-   Unplanned Pregnancy (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/)
-   -   Tough decision (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2384358-tough-decision.html)

FunSized July 30th, 2011 12:22 PM

Tough decision
 
I hope I am making the right decision. I am Officially 8 weeks pregnant. And the father demands an abortion or else I lose him as a friend. Yesterday I saw it on the ultrasound, I saw its little heart cells already working and fluttering away, getting ready to start pumping blood if it isn't already. Seeing that, I started crying, I wasn't sure if I could go thru with an abortion, but I'm scared to lose the father who is a very close friend of mine. This was very unexpected as I was taking birth control and on days I missed a pill, we used a condom.

I made a tough choice when I saw that little heart, to go ahead and keep. I'm scared ****less and now Im thinking... am I making the right decision? I'm 20yrs old, will probably be a single mother, but will have full support from my family.

I'm not sure If I'm looking for support... But it would be nice to get some opinions or some words of support. Thanks.

------------------Edit-----------------------

Is it common to wonder every 10mins about if I am doing the right thing though? I freak out and almost want to just do the abortion so its just done with and I no longer have to stress. I didn't stress this much when faced with abortion, just with keeping. Everyone says once they hand me my baby after its all done with, I would not regret keeping. But thats another 7months away.

I guess it would be easier if He would actually talk about it rather than ignore it, or at least say "hey, you can have the baby" and not be so set on abortion.

magentamsi July 30th, 2011 02:12 PM

Re: Tough decision
 
Honestly, screw him. I can understand if you decided to be friends with benefits, etc, and then you got pregnant and he went ahead and said, "I wasn't ready for a baby, I want nothing to do with this," but to demand an abortion and to say he'll no longer be your friend if you don't have one means he's already made the decision to disregard your friendship. If this is something you want to go through with, or need advice on, it's his job as your supposed friend to support you. If you were pregnant by someone else, would he say the same thing?
I can tell you right now, the only friends I've had that ever made ANYONE make even a fraction of that kind of decision aren't still friends on this day.
Baby or no baby, the two of you will not be able to come back from this, and the friendship will falter eventually anyway, even if just due to stress and guilt. Do you want to sit and look around in 5 years and think, "wow, I didn't have my baby and now I don't have the friend I made that sacrifice for."
If you aren't 10000% sure you won't regret it, keep the baby. I can guarantee that one day, you will look back and NOT regret letting him walk out of your life. He isn't your friend.

I didn't mean that to sound so harsh. It's a ****** situation, but I can guarantee that you won't regret keeping that baby. I'm not pro-life by any means, but you should make decisions on your own feelings, not the threats of someone else.

lrowe70 July 30th, 2011 06:33 PM

Re: Tough decision
 
OMG, he won't be your friend unless you kill your baby?!
I am pro-choice, but that is insane.
You don't need a friend like that. You have your family and other friends. And now you have a precious baby to enjoy in 7 months...

DiamondFlame July 30th, 2011 09:32 PM

Re: Tough decision
 
Friends are there through thick or thin. He obviously wasn't a good friend to begin with. Friends support each other regardless of their decisions. Do whatever YOU think is right. [hugs]

I've had an abortion, and to this day I still struggle with it. I'm not trying to tell you that you should keep the baby because abortions are hard, the decision is purely yours and isn't one to take lightly.

Just remember, whatever your decision, you CAN do it.

Good luck :)

Mom2DyJessAva July 31st, 2011 03:07 AM

Re: Tough decision
 
i say forget him! if he would even say that to you he isnt a friend at all!!

Im kinda in the same position but not fully..baby was a surprise baby..he broke up with me before he even new about baby..well when i finally told him he wanted an abortion after a week of going back and forth i told him i wasnt..the baby ment more to me then him even as a friend..in the beginning he was saying things like "ill go with you to have it done,ill pay for it,once its all over we will work on us" it wasnt about us it was about BABY..once i told him i was keeping the baby he became distant for about a week or so..now he is a very excited dad to be! we are working on a strong friendship for baby but thats it!

FunSized July 31st, 2011 01:14 PM

Re: Tough decision
 
Is it common to wonder every 10mins about if I am doing the right thing though? I freak out and almost want to just do the abortion so its just done with and I no longer have to stress. I didn't stress this much when faced with abortion, just with keeping. Everyone says once they hand me my baby after its all done with, I would not regret keeping. But thats another 7months away.

I guess it would be easier if He would actually talk about it rather than ignore it, or at least say "hey, you can have the baby" and not be so set on abortion.

Leogirl July 31st, 2011 01:32 PM

Re: Tough decision
 
As much as I hate to say it...this decision has NOTHING to do with him. It's only you alone making it. You are aware of where he stands and now you need to sit down and go over every angle of the situation to figure out what is right for YOU. You need to go over keeping the baby, adoption, and abortion. What can you live with for the rest of your life?

I had an abortion at 10 weeks when I was 17. It was hard and to this day I still feel like I was pushed to have it by my sister. It really built some resentment between us and was one of the factors I used when I decided to cut her out of my life. Odds are if you feel pressured to have an abortion by father and you regret getting it, it will tear your relationship apart anyway.

I never really felt guilt about the abortion it's self until I was with my ex-husband and trying to have children unsucessfully.I over came it though and it hasn't bothered me since. Now I'm pretty much at the end of an unplanned pregnancy and couldn't be happier.

I hope everything works out for you no matter what you choose.

momof4brattyboys August 1st, 2011 09:07 AM

Re: Tough decision
 
In my honest opinion I would say don't do it, I had one when i was 16 because my life was being threaten by the guys family. I'm 28yrs old now and I regret it when I think about it. I have three beautiful boys now and a 4th due any day from the way things are looking. If he is gonna be like that automatically go for full custody when the peanut is born or who knows maybe he will change when you have it(doubt it). It sounds like he probably has selfish reasons for wanting you to have it done(like not wanting to give up his life or his fun times).If your family is going to stand behind you, you know you already have a great support system. But since peanut is going to be inside of you growing its your choice. I wish you the best of luck in your decision.

Sweetpea24 August 1st, 2011 03:41 PM

Re: Tough decision
 
As i see it, he is not a man nor a very good friend if he is asking you to do this. You did the right chocie, i know 7 months is along way away but once u see baby you will not regret this one bit. And yes its normal to worrie ever 10 mins, i had gotten pregnant 5months after i had my daughter this will be our 7th baby, we bot were upset at first and he wanted my to get abortion. i didn't cause i don't believe in them, now im 5month he loves it he loves touching my belly and all that pregnancy stuff. Maybe he will come around, it takes guys time.

momto3brazils August 2nd, 2011 10:25 AM

Re: Tough decision
 
A friend wouldn't demand you to get an abortion or risk loosing them as a friend... the guy sounds like a Tool... having been through an abortion it is the most awful heart wrenching experiance, you can't take it back, you can't make it go away, its there you live with the guilt forever. the Blessing of a child are so much more rewarding, watching them grow, having them wrap their little arms around your neck. in my opion thats much better than any bit of friendship this guy has to offer you. wishing you the best, I hope all works out for you.

star shaped August 2nd, 2011 05:09 PM

Re: Tough decision
 
I'm so sorry you're going through this. An unplanned pregnancy is hard enough, let alone when you have a jerk of a guy to deal with too. I know it's really difficult to do, but try to forget about the baby's father for right now. Focus on you, the baby, and what you want to do. The father might come around eventually. I've heard stories of guys demanding abortion, only to come around months later. Some never come around. Would you feel comfortable having an abortion just to make this guy happy and keep him as a friend? Don't you question what sort of friend he is if he's making you choose between abortion and his friendship?
When I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend was very supportive. I've not been in your situation. I know it's very hard to think about being a single parent and raising the baby alone, but it's not impossible. It's also really great that you have the support of your family.
Don't feel like you have to raise the baby though. Have you thought of adoption?
If you do chose abortion, DON'T do it because someone else wants you to. Do it because that's what you feel is the best option for you.

I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant, 19 when the baby was born. I had a very supportive boyfried, and both of our families came around, but I still had a hard time deciding what to do. It's completely normal to change your mind all the time. I used to convince myself about one option, and just as I thought my decision was final, I'd start questioning it and want to do something else. Don't feel bad. I felt the exact same way. There were times I just wanted to have an abortion to get rid of the entire situation and all my anxiety over it. I just knew that wasn't the right thing for me.

rena.alam August 4th, 2011 01:11 AM

Re: Tough decision
 
Don't plead for the friendship. He also shows disrespect on pushing you to abort the baby and has shown that he doesn't really care about you at all. He's so irresponsible so get rid of him. You wanna keep the friendship? I don't think it would be a healthy idea to keep an evil friend who were only after the benefits of being with you. I won't teach you how to decide but if I were you, I'll keep the baby.. it's a blessing.

trulyblessed August 4th, 2011 12:38 PM

Re: Tough decision
 
I can't believe he's forcing you to abort otherwise you're going to lose him as a friend. You know what? I'd rather be away from him if I were you. I'm pro life but I'm not going to lecture you and tell you to keep the baby. It's completely your decision to make but all I'm going to say is this baby is depending on you to live. He/she is living off of you because now you are a mom. Whether the baby is here or not, you'll ALWAYS be a mom. This baby was given to you by God and it's for a reason. Think about it, you got pregnant while using a condom. Do you know how rare that is? In my eyes this baby is meant to be here. Maybe you can't see that yet because you're stressed but it's true. I know you want to abort to get it over with but in the end you'll never get over any of this. It's going to haunt you. Some get abortions and they're ok because deep down no matter what anyone throws at them, they believe they made the right choice. You on the other hand, you're having doubts and you're confused. That shows you aren't sure what to do and if you go ahead and abort without completely thinking about it you're going to regret it in the end. It's a decision you can NEVER take back. It's like suicide, someone ends their life over a temporary problem but suicide is permanent. So is an abortion. Whatever you're going through this will subside. You're early yet and things can get better. He may walk out and maybe that's better for you. Why be with someone who treats you like crap?? If he had any respect for you he wouldn't even THINK of telling you to abort this baby. He should've known when having sex whether unprotected or not, it can result in pregnancy. I mean seriously, that's JR high school stuff. He should know that by now. And what will happen if you abort, you guys stop talking in the future anyway over something else?? You aborted something that is a part of you. Something that was given to you because God feels you could be a great mom.

I know I said I wouldn't lecture you and I'm not trying to but I think you need to really think about this before running off to an abortion clinic. We're here if you need us, ok? Don't think you're alone because you aren't. Good luck to you.

rachel_anne August 17th, 2011 10:11 PM

Re: Tough decision
 
A true friend would NEVER give you an ultimatum like that. This is your choice 100% when I got pregnant, I knew from the very beginning I was going to be a single mom and it has worked out perfectly.
I went back and forth for months being excited, nervous, scared, happy, sad, every single emotion imaginable, so that's totally normal.

hellolea August 18th, 2011 12:17 PM

Re: Tough decision
 
Honestly girl, it's YOUR call. Don't let him influence you in any way. Okay? It's about you and baby.

About the every ten minutes thing, don't worry. When I found out I was pregnant, and was deciding on whether or not to keep her, I worried constantly how we were gonna make it, if I was making the right choice, was I being selfish or too selfless, was I making the right decision. But as soon as you feel that little kick, understand everything you're feeling, will be erased, well not entirely, but you will feel much more at ease. And when they get here, it's the best feeling in the whole world. :)

Thismamaisonherway August 29th, 2011 08:25 AM

Re: Tough decision
 
You are making the right choice. I think women who had thoughts of wanting to keep the baby but are being pressured into making such a tough choice are usually the ones who regret their decision to have an abortion. I hope that you find peace with your decision, whatever it may be.

JennLynn_ August 29th, 2011 12:31 PM

Re: Tough decision
 
my ex, the father of my daughter threatened me with the same thing. Abort or los him.. even though we had been together 6 years. LONG STORY. But I held strong and kept my baby girl. I went through the same thing at the u/s. I cried when i saw the heartbeat. And from that moment I knew she was a part of me forever.

Now she's 2.5 and I wouldn't change the decision I made for anything else in the world.

and my boyfriend at the time, he got over it, he got use to it and he fell in love with his daughter. He turned out to be an a$$ho!e and cheated on me but I still have my daughter and she is far more important than him.

Don't worry about him. Do what's right for you.

FunSized August 31st, 2011 08:23 PM

Re: Tough decision
 
Thanks everyone for all the support, kind words and helpful advice! I am reporting in for those who still message me to give you all an update. I am now a day or so away from entering my 2nd trimester. I am not fully excited yet because of the circumstances, but I have been growing more and more excited about what is happening and what is growing inside me. Me and the Father are not really close friends anymore, but I try to mend things so when the baby is born, he will not fully reject him or her. I never had a father, and I would love my baby to at least know their daddy.


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:49 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright © 2003-2012 JustMommies.com, All Rights Reserved.