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-   -   Scared and Confused (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2662322-scared-and-confused.html)

lb7764 June 29th, 2013 08:51 AM

Scared and Confused
 
Hello fellow mom to be's

I joined this website after my friend encouraged me to, she said I would get some advice from people going through the same thing. Here is my story..

I just turned 26 years old, live at home with my parents, have a good job. In November, I had a 'friends with benefits' situation going on. He and I were actually really close. We had feelings for each other but neither of us wanted to be in a relationship. The crazy part is that we work together though, so we see each other on a regular basis. We are still good friends but the physical part stopped long ago.

My family and I are close but I've never had that relationship with my parents where we talk about certain topics, i.e. sex, relationships, etc. I am the youngest of four children and have always spent my life trying to make them proud and this I know will kill them. I am due October 13 so I am just about 25 weeks and haven't told them yet. I know this is horrible but as each day passes it gets harder and harder. This wasn't planned, isn't with someone who I want to be with, and interferes with my career at work. I know babies and life 'happen' and we never are truly able to make a plan for our lives but I am just at a loss for what to tell them.

I feel like they are going to be so disappointed in me. I am not a child either, I am 26 so realistically, who am I to bring another person into their home to live? I have a few close friends who are waiting arms opened if the worst happens and will take me and the baby in but I just wish it would never have come to this. I wish I was married, settled, and ready to be a parent.

I want to get it over with though, every day I wait is agony and I really don't know what to do..

mamatomany June 29th, 2013 12:45 PM

Re: Scared and Confused
 
I am so sorry you're going through all this stress. I haven't been in this situation, but I know that you are not alone. Coming on justmommies was a great idea and I encourage you to join a due date board.

Right now you're feeling like you're about to hugely disappoint and upset your parents, and it's clearly weighing heavily on you and even making it hard for you to enjoy your pregnancy and get excited about your son or daughter. I think it's time to break the news. Your little one will be arriving in just a few months, and they need some time to get used to the idea. Give your parents a chance -- of course the news will be a shock and upsetting at first, but it is their grand baby, and they will most likely come around very quickly and be so excited. They are going to be *totally* in love with this baby. You're already prepared for an awful reaction, so get the bad part over with so you can enjoy these last few weeks with your mom prepping for this sweet baby. I think you'll be much happier and less stressed when it's behind you.

As for the practical side of things, have you thought about writing them a letter? Tell them how much you love and appreciate them, thank them for opening your home, tell them the situation, tell them you know it hurts them and that you'll move out if they want you to. If you have ultrasound pictures I would put them with the letter. Leave it for them to read while you're out, so they have a chance to process and work through their emotions-- I know I would appreciate that if I was in their shoes. Then when you get back go talk with them and I think it will make the whole thing a little easier. Don't forget, you're their daughter, they love you. Also, there's a chance your mom might already suspect, and be waiting for you to tell her....

Most of all, congratulations on your surprise treasure. It will change your life in the most amazing ways and you're never going to look back. Best wishes and let us know how it goes!

Leogirl July 1st, 2013 07:11 AM

Re: Scared and Confused
 
Telling your parents that you are having an unplanned pregnancy at any age is a bit scary. The best thing though is to tell them. They are likely to be more upset that you've hidden it from them for so long. I really hope you're getting the appropriate prenatal care that you need and aren't hiding from everyone.

kenzie_talor July 1st, 2013 01:27 PM

Re: Scared and Confused
 
I am so sorry you are going through this! I feel like being pregnant should be a really positive fun time and you shouldn't have to worry about things like telling people. You said you're 26 and have a good job, could you possibly get your own place (with a roommate?) Maybe that would take some of the stress of telling them out? I am only about 5 weeks and 22 years old, but I also live with my parents and have 2 really good jobs, so I understand kind of where you're coming from!

ElliotsMommy13 July 1st, 2013 06:59 PM

Re: Scared and Confused
 
I completely understand your fear.. I'm 24 and have always been the one in my family to achieve things.. I was the first to get my bachelors degree and did it by 21. Then at 22 I married a military guy and left the decent job I had to go to Germany and he was totally the wrong guy.. I was 23 when I came back to my parents after divorce.. Could only find retail work temporarily. I ended up in a one time situation which left me pregnant and not in a great position. I found out December 4th.. I was freaking out and told my mom. I thought that my family would be disappointed but it was more just me feeling disappointed in myself as life was not how I wanted. I'm due August 2nd.. The due date club here has been a huge help for me. I'm really excited to meet my little man now. My family is happy for me, too.. You should tell them.. It's going to be harder to hide soon. For me, I could no longer dress to hide it anymore by 27 weeks. They probably have suspicion anyway if you see them a lot.

Peach Pit July 1st, 2013 08:09 PM

Re: Scared and Confused
 
I haven't personally been in this situation,but my baby cousin was. She got pregnant at 15 years old, and had the baby at 16. Her dad disowned her. She married the guy,but it didn't work out and they divorced. She had nowhere to go and lived with our grandmother for a while. A couple of months after her daughter was born, her parents were back in her life,and all tension was gone.

Things may go well when you tell them, or they may go badly. Either way, for your well being and the child's, you should tell them as soon as you can. You may have to live with a friend,but I believe there's a good chance that your parents will come around. Tell them exactly what you feel, and don't be scared. It will work out, one way or the other,and life will progress. Best wishes to you!

lb7764 July 8th, 2013 09:29 PM

Re: Scared and Confused
 
Update....
I did it! I told my whole family! And guess what.. They were SO supportive. I was shocked. My mum said it is nothing to be ashamed of and the baby will be loved. I know this is not ideal for anyone or what anyone expected of me but I feel like it is already bringing my family closer. I know my mum is excited to be a grandmother, and I'm excited to share this experience with her. She's coming with me to my doctor's appointment tomorrow. My brothers are being really caring and I just can't believe the support I'm getting. I'm so thankful to God. I feel like everyone just said "what's done is done and where do we go from here?"
I wanted to thank each one of you who responded. You are all so sweet and your words were honestly really helpful to me. I think it's amazing that there are such good people out there willing to help complete strangers. I am going to "pay It forward" and check the boards to see if there is anyone I can offer support to.
Life is not easy and it never goes as planned but when people in life truly love and care about you, it makes everything easier.

mamatomany July 8th, 2013 11:13 PM

Re: Scared and Confused
 
That's such great news! Thanks for letting us know how it went and I'm so happy to hear your family is being so wonderful to you about it! I so much appreciate your willingness to come back to the board to encourage other mamas who might be in your situation. Best wishes and hope you join a due date club board and get to know sme of those fun ladies too!


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