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-   -   20, pregnant and scared (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2675752-20-pregnant-and-scared.html)

Karianne9 August 30th, 2013 05:40 PM

20, pregnant and scared
 
I just took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I was supposed to get my period today but didn't. I'm so scared, I can't even think. I don't know what to do. I'm 20 and my BF is 25. (21 and 26 when baby is due).

I don't know exactly how long my cycle is, because it changes a little bit here and there. Lately it's been 32 days, but before that it was 28. So at 32 days I'm due about May 4-8.

Issue 1: School
I'm starting university next week. The program that I'm going into is 6 years. My final exams are in April which will put me at 36-39 weeks pregnant during my exams, depending on the exam dates. I will be extremely uncomfortable and I could go into labour at any point. If I defer my exams to the deferred exam period (June) I don't know if I will be able to get enough studying done with a baby.

I won't be able to take summer classes which I needed to do. Without taking them my program will take even longer because I didn't get into all the classes I needed this year.

I don't think I will be able to go back to school next fall. I'll have to take a semester off. Daycare in my city is subsidized for low income families so it's affordable but daycares don't take babies until they are 6 months old. If I take a semester off I don't know if I will get back in for the winter semester and my program will take even longer.

I'm already experiencing constant nausea, headaches and dizziness and I'm only like 4 weeks along. I don't know how I will concentrate with that going on.

Issue 2: Finances
I'm living on student loans and I don't even have enough for tuition and rent for the year as it is. My boyfriend makes decent money but is working to pay off his loans. I've been trying to get a job for months and can't. Not even at fast food places. I don't want to put more stress on my BF.

Issue 3: Boyfriend
My BF and I have talked about pregnancy a little bit, but not a lot. He has given me mixed feelings about pregnancy. Like he never wants kids, might wants them, doesn't care, wants them. The other day he said he doesn't want kids for another 5 years after his friend had twins. I'm so nervous to tell him. I'm afraid that we won't work out. There is no way I can deal with having to see him on a regular basis if we break up and especially with someone else. We've been together for a year and half and everything is really good. But I'm not super confident in our relationship lasting. I really hope it does, but I lied about some stuff and if he finds out he probably won't want to be with me. I don't even know if I should tell him, just abort. But I don't know if I want too... On top of that he said the one "bad" thing about him is that he thinks pregnant people are ugly and look like aliens because they are nice and skinny then have a huge lump. I know not everyone thinks pregnant people are sexy, but alien? That's the only "douchey" thing about him, he's my "dream guy" and everything I've ever wanted. He did say "Maybe with you that will change because I love you", but I don't know it's stuck in my head.

Issue 4: No Support
I don't have friends. I've always been more of a loner I guess you could say. My boyfriends friends recently said one of their friends was stupid for getting pregnant at 20 (same age as me). So I know how they will feel about it, even though they won't say it to my face. Stuff like that sticks in my head and I can't get it out. His mom will be disappointed but supportive, probably even if my boyfriend leaves me. But his dad I'm not too sure about. I have no family really, and the family that I do have will be really disappointed. I don't even want to tell them.

Adoption isn't an option for me because there is no way I could give the baby away and I'm adopted and didn't have good experiences with it.

I can't stop crying.. I don't know what to do.

ducksaresnazzy August 30th, 2013 07:48 PM

Re: 20, pregnant and scared
 
let me tell you a story.

i am seventeen years old. i broke up with my broyfriend of two years last december (long story). we got back together in january, and he moved in, and i got pregnant within a month. he's only nineteen himself. he works 32-38 hours a week, i'm lucky to get a full 20. we live with my parents, who in themselves are crazy, and we're trying to move next spring.

our child is due during my finals week, because i went back this semester (this is my third semester at my local community college). i didn't want to, because i knew it'd be hard. i'm not even a week into the program and it's tough already. i failed almost every class i took in the spring because my morning sickness was so bad i couldn't go to campus, and that sickness lasted until i was five months along.

i have no one to talk to because all of my old high school friends are honestly scumbags. they're all into heavy drugs now. my mother is too wrapped up in her own issues, and Nate, while supportive, isn't very sympathetic. i rely on this board a lot.

i'm not telling you this to undermine your problem, or to belittle your situation. i'm telling you this because simply saying "you are not alone" isn't enough. pregnancy is hard, and an unplanned pregnancy, even more so. instead of planning happily for the bundle of joy you're about to get, you have to face life-changing choices in mere weeks. it's unnerving. but it does get easier to handle.

i don't mean to add to your burden- but do you have insurance? if not, it would be very easy for you to get on medicaid. they'll cover you and your baby until the baby's birth. then you simply reapply for another year of coverage.

if you ever do want someone to talk to, because trust me, i understand, you could always message me.

mamatomany August 31st, 2013 10:07 PM

Re: 20, pregnant and scared
 
I know it's overwhelming right now. Remember this though-- right now you see a Bunch of tangible difficulties, and no positive things. Right now the baby seems theoretical, more of an idea than a small son or daughter. Right now the little newborn you will someday hold in your arms is completely intangible, and that leaves you with the discouraging task of facing the potential difficulties.

But be encouraged! Very, very few of us mothers entered our pregnancies in a 'perfect' spot to have a child. If you read through some of the other posts from this forum you will see that many mamas start in even more challenging circumstances than you. And guess what? It can work out fine. That's not to say it won't be hard sometimes.

The most important thing to remember is that right now, the things you can't see are the incredible joy and purpose and lifelong gift this new life is bringing to you. You can't see it yet, but it is a lifechanging thing is ways that will give you so much deep happiness.

I'm not trying to downplay the difficulties, but I know you have the strength to work through them. For starters, I have a friend that was set to graduate a month or so after her due date. Her professors were more than happy to work with her so she could finish early. I'm sure yours will too. As for taking the summer off, I also rmember being in class with at least one lady who brought her newborn in a stroller with her. It didn't bother anyone, and if that appeals to you I'm sure you could work it out. You may also be able to find another mom who could help you with childcare before your son or daughter turns six months. And if you'd rather just take a year or so off, it's not a big deal. Universities are very good about deferring enrollment especially in circumstances like yours.

I guess what I'm saying is that you can do it! Your little baby is depending on you and you've got the strength to make it! I really encourage you to join a due date club here on just mommies. It will give you the chance to get to know other moms due the same time as you and give you a place to get encouragement and share your struggles. It's fun too. Best wishes and keep us updated!

kyleighsmom2008 September 21st, 2013 05:55 AM

Re: 20, pregnant and scared
 
Let me give you a little bit of my background as well.

When I got pregnant with my daughter I was 21 her dad was 30 - we met at a bar and I got pregnant on a one night stand. At the time I had my own little apartment I was working a fairly good job, but under no circumstances was a I ready for a child I was still a child myself. Her Dad was in and out during my pregnancy, he turned into an alcoholic and left when my daughter was 10 months old. During my pregnancy my Mom took me back in because she saw how desperate I was to even keep my head above water. I applied for every program I knew to apply for (daycare, medicaid, WIC, foodstamps, etc.)

When my daughter was born I was only working part time, my car was repo'd, I had no transportation, her Dad was in and out, I counted quarters for diapers...It was nothing short of a nightmare. When my daughter was 1 my daycare assistance started to really help me, I enrolled full time in xray school (and received enough grants to pay for it in full with no loans), I graduated from xray school with honors without anyones help. I am now working full time, putting myself back thru college working on my Masters in Psychology. My daughter is just about 5 and I am proud to say I do it myself. I do currently have a boyfriend we live together he does help me with my daughter in certain ways - for him its awkward because shes a girl and he has 2 teenage boys.

I am living proof that you can do it! I have been there I know what you are going thru, feel free to message me at anytime I am always here to talk.


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