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-   -   So here is my UN-planned Parenthood dilemma.... (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2689628-so-here-my-un-planned-parenthood-dilemma.html)

mstee511 November 1st, 2013 08:42 AM

So here is my UN-planned Parenthood dilemma....
 
First of all...Hello to all of you new mommies from a Newbie! :waves:

(Forgive me if this post is all over the place...I'm just typing the thoughts that have been running through my mind these last few days.)

I just found out about 3 days ago that I am preggo. My BF and I have only known each other for 5 months and were just getting around to expressing to each other how our feelings were getting deeper for each other. I was on BC before, but ended up having to stop it because it was causing other health issues. We could have gone back to using condoms, but at that point its like going backward.

He is excited and has assured me that he's ready for this and will still be with me and be as supportive as he can. I actually think he's more excited than I am and this is both of our first child. I guess I'm concerned about everyone else's judgements......

My family hasn't met my bf yet. My mother is EXTREMELY religious and is definitely against having children out of wedlock. I was preggo before...years ago and she told me she hoped I had a miscarriage and then completely cut me off. I was 19 then. I ended up having an abortion after which she and I repaired our relationship.

Lately she has been pressing me to find a man and get married because she wants grandkids. I'm thinking maybe now that I'm older and she wants grandchildren so bad, maybe she won't be so mean.

People are usually happy to hear baby news. But I feel like when I make this announcement at Christmas it will be more like "Hey everyone, I'm 3 moths pregnant....and oh...by the way...this is my BF who I've only known for 7 months...he's the father."

Plus...you see/hear so many horror stories about how somewhere in between peeing on a stick and pushing the baby out, the parents-to-be have broken up and hate each other.

I myself, wanted to be married before I had children....unfortunately it didn't happen that way. I guess I'm just annoyed that with this relationship it happened too soon. I'm sure my mother is gonna be like "So when are you gonna marry her" *face palm*

If you guys have advice, I'll take it. If not, that's fine too. But thanks for taking the time to read my brain vomit...lol It helps to vent sometimes. :smile:

GoWithIt November 1st, 2013 01:23 PM

Re: So here is my UN-planned Parenthood dilemma....
 
It's your life, not your mother's. If she's that religious don't forget to remind her of the importance of love and forgiveness.

My opinion of the marriage thing is Americans enter into it too lightly and divorce is too common and accepted. All marriage is is a legal contract been two people-it's not a requirement to love and support each other. Don't rush into marriage because of a baby - you can register as domestic partners and have legal contracts drawn up to address the important legal issues (like what happens to the baby should one of you die, etc.). Marriage gives both people the rights to certain assets of the other person so you may not want to enter into that contract before knowing your BF is deserving.

My "BF" and I have been together for 13 years, we own property together and built a house together. I say quote BF because we actually eloped 6 years ago (for reasons far too complicated for this posting). We haven't told anyone so, as far as my family is concerned we are not married. BUT, he's been around so long that they consider him family (my parents refer to him as their son-in-law and my nephews call him uncle). Anyway, that's just my story but wanted to share an alternative view of marriage wih you.

random567 November 1st, 2013 01:40 PM

Re: So here is my UN-planned Parenthood dilemma....
 
Just like GoWithIt said, this is your life. Family will always have their own opinions and some of them are tactless enough to feel obligated to share it.

Ultimately these choices you make now are choices you will always have to live with. As to the horror stories, that could end up being you or you could end up with the best partner ever and happily ever after.

My fiance had, and is still going through, a total meltdown when we got the unexpected news. This made me realize I had to make the best decision for me and the baby. We are still together and trying to work things out but I am aware that some day I might be a single mother. I do try not to focus on those unhappy things though.

I will say, his mother is AWFUL. I want to punch her on a daily basis because she feels that her opinion should be shared to everyone about my life and this future baby. The only thing I've come up with is to ignore her which is easier to do to his mom than my mom.

Good luck. :(

ducksaresnazzy November 1st, 2013 04:46 PM

Re: So here is my UN-planned Parenthood dilemma....
 
my boyfriend and i are 17 and 19 (okay, i just turned 18, but the announcement was made when i was 17). we had been talking about marriage when i unexpectedly got pregnant. we put those plans on the back burner to focus on saving for our child and people still (even his friends) look at my left hand, ringless, with confusion and ask him why it's still bare. "i mean, you guys are having a kid, you're in love, why not get married?" it's so much more complicated than people think.

when i told my mother, she actually told me i was not allowed to get an abortion, and if i did, she'd kick me out. so it's very hard for me to imagine your mother forcing one upon you.

it sounds like you have the support of your boyfriend. you should probably introduce him to your family before your big announcement so it isn't something like "i'm pregnant by this guy who you can't pick out of a line up to save your life!" at least they'll be a little familiar with him.

as far as judgment goes, i wouldn't worry too much about it. i know that's hard to do, but soon you'll have other things on your mind, and other peoples' opinions won't even matter. i thought the looks and comments about being a teen mother would tear me down, but they haven't. i honestly don't even get upset by them anymore. soon, i promise you, you'll reach that place too.

sorry my response was wacky- i was trying to cover everything you mentioned, but i went out of order. :rolleyes:

mstee511 November 6th, 2013 12:45 PM

Re: So here is my UN-planned Parenthood dilemma....
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by ducksaresnazzy (Post 27773015)
my boyfriend and i are 17 and 19 (okay, i just turned 18, but the announcement was made when i was 17). we had been talking about marriage when i unexpectedly got pregnant. we put those plans on the back burner to focus on saving for our child and people still (even his friends) look at my left hand, ringless, with confusion and ask him why it's still bare. "i mean, you guys are having a kid, you're in love, why not get married?" it's so much more complicated than people think.

when i told my mother, she actually told me i was not allowed to get an abortion, and if i did, she'd kick me out. so it's very hard for me to imagine your mother forcing one upon you.

it sounds like you have the support of your boyfriend. you should probably introduce him to your family before your big announcement so it isn't something like "i'm pregnant by this guy who you can't pick out of a line up to save your life!" at least they'll be a little familiar with him.

as far as judgment goes, i wouldn't worry too much about it. i know that's hard to do, but soon you'll have other things on your mind, and other peoples' opinions won't even matter. i thought the looks and comments about being a teen mother would tear me down, but they haven't. i honestly don't even get upset by them anymore. soon, i promise you, you'll reach that place too.

sorry my response was wacky- i was trying to cover everything you mentioned, but i went out of order. :rolleyes:

I had to :rofl: at that because that is EXACTLY what I was thinking. LOL


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