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-   -   Pregnant with 3rd child, but in the middle of a divorce (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2694680-pregnant-3rd-child-but-middle-divorce.html)

jlamby77 November 25th, 2013 02:47 PM

Pregnant with 3rd child, but in the middle of a divorce
 
Life had become complicated as I just found out last week that I am pregnant. The issue is what to do:
I am a professional woman in my mid thirties with two beautiful kids (4 and 8 years old). I was married for 10 years but recently became separated. Over the past 9 months, I developed a relationship with a man that I knew when I was just a teenager. Our reconnection was quick and instantaneous and quite intense. I am pregnant with his baby. The issue is that my family does not know about my boyfriend, and my kids also haven't been introduced yet. I can honestly say that I am excited about this baby- I love this guy and he loves me. We are connected in a way that I cannot even explain. We both are excited. The issue is that this is all happening too close to my official separation (my marriage has been in shambles for years but we decided to split at the time that I reconnected with my long lost friend. My connection with him told me that I needed out of my bad marriage). I am honestly afraid of what my family and friends will say, but mostly about how my kids will react. Abortion is a possibility, but deep down I am so excited about this baby- I never even thought I would want another. Is the shame associated with an unwanted pregnancy from someone who always did everything "by the books" enough of a reason to terminate? Is this doable or am I just running high on pregnancy hormones and young love? How will this affect my kids? They are my primary concern....HELP! Advice is appreciated!

mamatomany November 25th, 2013 06:11 PM

Re: Pregnant with 3rd child, but in the middle of a divorce
 
First of all, your other children are going to be largely led by your emotions about this pregnancy. You're excited, over the moon in fact, about this new little baby. And they will be too. They are at great ages to really have a blast with this baby and to take an active role in nurturing him or her. I would say though that you should probably introduce your new man soon. He obviously is super happy and excited to be part of your new baby's life, so your older kids should slowly get to know him.

As for what others might say? Don't base your decisions about your son or daughter on whether or not you're going to get the stink eye from great aunt Jane. This is a tiny life and your precious child, it's not really about their approbation, especially considering that you're a grown woman with a career and children of your own. Besides, no one can resist a sweet little baby, and whatever they think about the circumstances they're not going to hold it against you.

Aborting your baby when both you and your partner are very excited about this little growing life inside you just to keep your extended family in the dark about when you started your new (and exciting and happy) relationship doesn't make sense and will leave you unhappy and feeling guilty. Instead, I say move forward. You're getting a divorce, leave the past behind and make a fresh start with this new child and your new man. Your kids will be delighted and it will give this new family something to form a deep bond over.

Best wishes and keep us posted!

MerinSun November 25th, 2013 09:46 PM

Re: Pregnant with 3rd child, but in the middle of a divorce
 
In my experience, kids that age won't really understand all the emotional ins and outs of a pregnancy nor the social climate. They will follow your cues. Honestly, it probably won't even dawn on the oldest one that a new baby is coming until you're a few weeks out from your due date. Just prepare him/her for sharing time/space with a new baby. Your youngest will want attention and assurance that you still love them. And then they'll want to play with the baby right away, lol. The biggest things your kids need from you is consistency, security, and love. Reassure them that their basic needs will be met. That you are there for them. They'll need time to readjust once the baby is here but they'll work it out.

My advice is to just slow down. You don't need to involve anyone else in what is going on until later. Finish your divorce proceedings. Get the kids settled and calmed. Make sure that you and your new partner are on solid footing. And then let people know. People will react better if you present a firm and well thought out plan. That way if they say something nasty you can just shrug it off. You've got this.

Lyndsey2013 December 7th, 2013 10:03 AM

Re: Pregnant with 3rd child, but in the middle of a divorce
 
Although not going through a divorce, I got pregnant with my first after dating someone only a few months. He also had 3 kids (aged 4, 8 and 9) from a previous marriage who I had spent very little time with when we first found out were pregnant. My family had not even heard of him.

I introduced him to my mom one time before she heard we were pregnant, and I started seeing his kids more often. We waited until I was over 20 weeks to tell the boys - I think I was 24 or so. They took it great and now spoil her rotten.

It definitely makes things harder that you are going through a divorce, but you will get through it :). Just keep taking things one day at a time.

moxiemommie December 11th, 2013 03:02 PM

Re: Pregnant with 3rd child, but in the middle of a divorce
 
I think everyone gave you some great advice and I also ended up in a situation where I connected with an old friend from highschool ( i was 20 he was 22.) We were only seeing each other for a month or so, then became bf/gf and found out we were pregnant 3weeks and 1 day into our boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Weve been going strong for nearly 5 years and are getting married in april before our third child arrives in June :)

anjewellove January 7th, 2014 09:42 AM

Re: Pregnant with 3rd child, but in the middle of a divorce
 
How are things going now?


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