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-   -   terrified (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2703339-terrified.html)

just_me404 January 14th, 2014 12:17 PM

terrified
 
Hello Ladies
I am in need of feedback or advice from women who may have/had a similar situation

I found out that Iam pregnant and i am absolutely terrified
I am 25 and on a fixed income
I am slated to start college this Thursday

Me and my boyfriend are still together but our relationship is rocky

We live together, even the house we live in isn't suitable for a baby

We have had some major hurdles
We have been together 6 years
And marriage is not in the near future

He is a hard working guy
But we still struggle financially
He has a child from a prior relationship

Me myself I have never even held a baby
I have no experience with them at all
This is such bad timing

I have zero support as far as friends or family
I come from a long line of dysfunction and II fear having a child
Under these circumstances I will be continuing the cycle,

I'm a mess..

My boyfriend on the other hand is happy
And tells me I am worrying to much, but I just don't think he is
Thinking logically..

mamatomany January 14th, 2014 01:17 PM

Re: terrified
 
Take a deep breath :). The good news is, you have 8 months before you need to be ready -- that's a long time, plenty of time to take care of the actual issues you have and to become more mentally prepared for this little one.

First off, hurrah for an excited and supportive father of the baby! That's pretty unusual on this board and a great thing.

Second, starting college should be perfectly fine, and way to go for going to school. That's a great step towards setting up a stable financial future for you and your son or daughter. Colleges are wonderful about helping student parents. First, you'll be eligible for more financial aid since you have a dependent. There are also childcare programs on campus for low costs for students if you will not be able to coordinate schedules with the baby's father.

Second, many of us are inexperienced when it comes to motherhood. But there are sooo many resources. First, you can join a due date board here on just mommies and get support, encouragement, advice, and information from tons of other first time and multi time moms. It's a great resource! Second, there are countless books to help first timers. Plus, your hospital most likely offers free classes designed to help first time parents get comfortable with basic parenting tasks. All that aside, most of the mothering bit will come pretty naturally after even just a week or two. When that tiny baby is in your arms all your maternal instinct will kick in and you'd be surprised how much you'll just know how to do, or at least be able to figure out easily. Don't sweat it at all, that's the fun part :).

As for the fear of being disfunctional, you can commit to being the one to break the cycle. Just the fact that you recognize the problem is a great place to start. Besides, becoming a mother can give you even more of a sense of purpose, commitment, and drive to get through school and find good employment. Your past doesn't have to control you, you can rise above it.

Above all, very best wishes, congratulations on this new life, and please keep us posted!

jumpingoffplace January 14th, 2014 01:42 PM

Re: terrified
 
I just wanted to chime in for minute.... I understand your fear of continuing the cycle. I do. I grew up in a very abusive home and was terrified of turning into my mother when I became a mother myself... I just want to reassure you that you don't have to continue the cycle. Your awareness of it shows that you are already one step ahead as most people aren't.

I know things are scary right now. Being a mom isn't easy- but it is the best "job" I've ever had. Not only have I broken the cycle but by being my children the childhood they deserve, in a way, I gave it to myself. It's an amazing journey. I know babies are scary when you haven't had a lot of experience with them- and even if you have, once it is your own, it's still scary. Don't discount your motherly instincts. They will kick in and all you are terrified of now will come naturally to you.

Remember all babies really need is love, food, clean clothes, a safe place to sleep and diapers. They don't need anywhere near as much as the world tells us they do.

Congrats hon. I wish you all the best. Please know that we're here if you need to talk. It's a huge and frightening life change- but in time you will get over the shock and the fear, I promise. (((hugs)))

just_me404 January 14th, 2014 02:24 PM

Re: terrified
 
Thanks ladies, you really talked me back from the edge, I'm definitely going to utilize all the suggestions.

left_field January 14th, 2014 02:47 PM

Re: terrified
 
You can break the cycle and you can say 'I'm going to be the best mom possible to this baby'. Take a deep breath and realize you have 9 months to get excited and learn all you can. There are so many women who are not experts when they get pregnant when it comes to taking care of children and they go on to be wonderful mommies.

Good luck hon!

just_me404 January 14th, 2014 03:24 PM

Re: terrified
 
Thanks alot for the support, I am determined to break the cycle I know
It won't be easy, even though this pregnancy is a shock...

jumpingoffplace January 14th, 2014 03:49 PM

Re: terrified
 
This pregnancy was a shock to me too- and I'm 35, gainfully employed and already a mom of two. An unplanned pregnancy rocks anyone's world- no matter what the circumstances. The shock will wear off, I promise. It will take a little bit, but it will and as it does, you will start to fall in the love with your baby and get excited- but in the meantime, keep talking to people who are supportive. You'll not only get through it, you'll be a great mom!!


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