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-   -   Overwhelmed and Uncertain (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2707748-overwhelmed-and-uncertain.html)

orangeblossom626 February 11th, 2014 01:47 PM

Overwhelmed and Uncertain
 
I've been with my boyfriend for nearly two years. We're both very happy together. Our relationship is stable and so loving. We both have good jobs. I just finished my degree and my boyfriend is in the process of getting his degree. I'm 23 and he's 32. I'm happy with my life now and enjoy that there are no disruptions. One thing that changed in our relationship recently was my decision to get off birth control. I was having side effects and took the advice of my doctor to get off of it and see if it would help alleviate some issues. For the longest, I've expressed disinterest in being a mother. I just don't feel as though I have that maternal chip. Well fast forward to now and I've determined I'm pregnant. I'm guessing I'm about six weeks and I'm feeling absolutely miserable.

I had my mind made up about terminating the pregnancy but after being on hold for ten minutes trying to get through to my local Planned Parenthood I freaked and hung up. I felt like it was a sign. I wasn't happy with the idea of terminating the pregnancy but I felt like I had no other option. My boyfriend was supportive of my decision but I know being that he's older he would be much happier with having a child - even if the timing isn't right. I was open to the possibility in about five years from now but certainly not now. But I felt I would have this sense of regret if I terminated the pregnancy. I know adoption isn't an option. My boyfriend would never let me go through with the pregnancy only to give the baby up after birth.

I'm terrible at keeping secrets so I told my sisters and mother. My older sister went through an unplanned pregnancy two years ago and she's been nothing but happy with her decision. My mother and younger sister were happy when I told them as well. My family is more religious than I am so I know they'd be very unhappy if I decided to terminate the pregnancy, especially after telling them the "good" news. At this point, I feel obligated to go through with the pregnancy but I'm just so unhappy. Everyone else is over the moon and all I feel is that I'm doing this for everyone but myself.

I feel guilty because I'm not happy. I have this disturbing hope there will be some complication and I will miscarry. Meanwhile there are women desperate to get pregnant or spend years and thousands of dollars trying. I'm just not ready for my life to change like this. I haven't had my ultrasound yet but I will be going next Thursday. Is there any hope for me and this baby? I want to be happier but I simply can't muster the emotion. Can someone please help?

mamatomany February 11th, 2014 02:18 PM

Re: Overwhelmed and Uncertain
 
Don't feel guilty about your conflicted emotions! Another poster just described those same feelings of not being ready and not being excited. Many of us felt the same way about our first pregnancies, even if they were planned. Changes to what we thought our lives were going to look like can be upsetting, but be encouraged that your situation sounds excellent. You have an amazing support network and everyone in your life is happy for you and excited to partner with you in this next stage of life. You can do this!
Don't worry about not feeling excited yet. It's hard to muster up maternal feelings for a child that seems so theoretical at this point. But believe me when I say those feelings will come. It might take a while, but they will. It may be when you see that tiny beating heart under yours next week, it might be when you feel the first flutters of your child moving and kicking, or it might not be until that day when they hand your little son or daughter into your arms and they snuggle into you like you're their whole world, because you are.
It's hard to fall in love with two pink lines on a pregnancy test, so don't feel like your current apathy means you'll have a hard time loving your baby.
My first pregnancy was also unexpected as my husband and I were hoping to wait a few years before having children. I am so, so happy that we didn't get our way and my daughter who's now almost 10 is so much joy to us.
You will have to wait a good 8 months to meet your little person, but it's worth the wait, and this son or daughter is as unique as you are and will change your life in the most incredible and wonderful ways imaginable. It may be hard to adjust to now, but you will not regret this, and I have yet to meet a mama who does :).

Best wishes, keep us posted, and think about joining a due date board on just mommies. It's a fun way to meet other ladies due the same month as you and it's very likely some of them are feeling exactly the way you do. It's so helpful to talk these things out!

cooper1414 February 11th, 2014 06:35 PM

Re: Overwhelmed and Uncertain
 
First pregnancies are always emotional, especially in the beginning. Don't worry though, this is not an indication that you will have difficulty with the child once he or she is here. You will so fall in love with that little person! It may help to join one of the due date clubs here or even talk to the counselors at a local pregnancy crisis center (not Planned Parenthood, they will push to the abortion)

2bigboys February 13th, 2014 06:50 PM

Re: Overwhelmed and Uncertain
 
I felt much the same way at the beginning of this pregnancy. It's my third. It took a good two months for me not to feel that way am at the point in my life where an unplanned pregnancy shouldn't be a big deal. (Married 15 years, financially stable) I can only imagine how long it would have taken 20 years ago. Don't beat yourself up over your feelings. I am 24 weeks now and am super excited.

lemieuxcrew February 17th, 2014 06:11 AM

Re: Overwhelmed and Uncertain
 
I felt the same way too!!!!! I agree, join a board. I really think it will help as it sounds like you already made your decision - For me, it was hard to accept too and the boards helped.

And PS - Planned parenthood DOES NOT push you into abortions. Simply not true. Pregnancy crisis centers are often religiously funded and push you into NO abortions. Not the other way around. I have been to both. (And have never had an abortion.....simply needed WOMANS CARE, which one offers and the other doesn't.)

cooper1414 February 19th, 2014 03:15 PM

Re: Overwhelmed and Uncertain
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by lemieuxcrew (Post 27959622)
I felt the same way too!!!!! I agree, join a board. I really think it will help as it sounds like you already made your decision - For me, it was hard to accept too and the boards helped.

And PS - Planned parenthood DOES NOT push you into abortions. Simply not true. Pregnancy crisis centers are often religiously funded and push you into NO abortions. Not the other way around. I have been to both. (And have never had an abortion.....simply needed WOMANS CARE, which one offers and the other doesn't.)

Lemie - I am glad for you and your LO that you had a positive experience at PP, however, many women have expressed that they are coerced into abortion at PP as well as other abortion providers. Further, PP gets $$ for abortion and rarely do they provide help in adoption minded moms or those that are keeping their baby. Crisis Pregnancy Centers, while often religious affiliated, do provide information about abortion, but do not refer for abortion. They do provide the mom with resources to help her make her decision, and if that decision is to keep the baby, help her to do so. They offer free services, unlike other places, provide the mom with maternity clothing, baby clothes, breastfeeding information, support, formula, diapers, baby food, referrals for housing if needed, counseling, ultrasounds, prenatal guidance, ietc. For many moms, they want to keep the baby but are scared and unsure if they have the resources to do so.

lemieuxcrew February 19th, 2014 05:03 PM

Re: Overwhelmed and Uncertain
 
I'm sorry. I will never agree with negative propaganda about planned parenthood. They get $ for ALL services. Abortion is one service. A constitutional one. They are a great resource for woman to turn to....nobody would "push" someone into an abortion. That is scare tactics. I am glad that woman can turn to them and get the help they need when they need it - and help of all kinds. I am also grateful for the other programs that help woman who need help with children's care - like WIC etc. But the point is not to hi-jack this thread - I think Orangeblossom should feel safe and not scared away from medical care that she seeks. (It COULD be she needs OTHER services from there....and shouldnt be scared to use them if needed - or anyone else looking at these threads for help...even a darn pap smear!) If you wish to truly debate this - and offer credible sources - I will gladly do so over private messages. For now, I just want Orangeblossom to feel that people are reading her posts and can sympathize.

cooper1414 February 19th, 2014 06:51 PM

Re: Overwhelmed and Uncertain
 
I'm not going to debate or hijack her thread, you were the one that started that. I wish all the well wishes in the world to her and was merely posting some thoughts to further help her in what she stated was her intent and wishes.

Have a good day.


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