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-   -   Unplanned first pregnancy - I am 34 and my boyfriend is still in school (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/2716380-unplanned-first-pregnancy-i-am-34-and-my-boyfriend-still-school.html)

MellyPop April 14th, 2014 11:05 AM

Unplanned first pregnancy - I am 34 and my boyfriend is still in school
 
Hi,

I really don't know what to do. A couple days ago I found out I was pregnant. This is my first pregnancy... My boyfriend and I wanted a kid down the line (in about year), but it seems to have happened sooner.

I stopped taking the pill to start "detoxing" for when we were ready, and we must of had an accident and gotten pregnant.

I am 34 and have a pretty good job, however, my boyfriend is back in school and still has 2 years to go (he's 36). We live in a 3 1/2, and don't have the money to move at the moment. He thinks that if we keep the kid, he might not be able to finish school... and he might be resentful towards me if that happens.

I really don't want him to stop school, it is really important that he gets a degree, and I don't want to be the cause of his failure. But I also think that we could get through this... Then again, I wonder if I am just thinking with my heart and not my head.

I am so confused. I tear up everytime I think about this. .. I would love some advice. My family is not very open and I don't really want to talk to my friends about this.

Thanks

mamatomany April 14th, 2014 03:31 PM

Re: Unplanned first pregnancy - I am 34 and my boyfriend is still in school
 
Take a deep breath and a step back. You are in a stable relationship, and you've already been talking about having kids. You are 34, and yet you got pregnant right away without even trying. Honestly, that is an incredibly blessing! Fertility after your 20s is much more sketchy and on top of that you have a loving boyfriend and you already wanted kids together. It's time to let go of the worry and just let yourself get excited about your little baby. There is no reason your boyfriend can't finish school. In fact, now that he has a dependent his financial aid may even be better. You don't need a crazy big space for a baby-- we slept some of ours in play pens in closets-- they don't need some big nursery from Pinterest. By the time the baby is even old enough to remember anything you boyfriend will be done with school. You guys are totally up for this!

There is no reason for your boyfriend to resent this little son or daughter and I don't think he will. It's a big change and it takes a while to sink in.


In
The meantime, enjoy these first few weeks with your secret. Join a due date forum here on just mommies and you can have a fun outlet to talk about it with ladies due the same month you are. Best wishes and keep us posted!

MIL2lissy8 April 15th, 2014 12:58 AM

Re: Unplanned first pregnancy - I am 34 and my boyfriend is still in school
 
totally agree with what she said ^^^^^^.

MellyPop April 15th, 2014 06:12 AM

Re: Unplanned first pregnancy - I am 34 and my boyfriend is still in school
 
Thank you for your replies. Ironically, he will be getting less financial aid since the government will now consider my salary because we have a kid together. It's a bit strange, but that's the way it is (I live in Quebec, Canada).

We haven't decided on what to do... I agree with what you said. I think we could manage. But I am scared of having to pay 100 $ a week for daycare. It would be very difficult to afford. I am just scared of making the mistake of keeping the baby out of love and not truly thinking about it properly.

I have been having all sorts of nightmares... I have been dreaming about the baby, and I somehow have the feeling that he or she is trying to communicate to me through dream. It is a bit crazy, I know.. but I guess I am getting paranoid. I wouldn't want to get an abortion and regret it.

Anyway, lots to think about. Thanks again for your messages.

lemieuxcrew April 16th, 2014 01:51 PM

Re: Unplanned first pregnancy - I am 34 and my boyfriend is still in school
 
I agree too. Babies don't come when we are "ready" all the time and you sound about as "ready" as they get or as anyone that posts on these boards! I did a masters degree with a baby. :) And Im in the US where daycare is more than rent and college tuition requires massive student loans. You. Can. Do. It. And so can your boyfriend - you just may get less sleep doing it. ;) I studied a lot at night! Also, for me - keeping a baby out of love is the perfect reason. It starts there and then you figure the rest out. Good luck!!!! And congratulations!? I hope everything works out the best for you.


PS - I have a house in Quebec city with my Quebecer husband. Canada has amazing maternity leave policy. I'm infinitely jealous.

MellyPop April 23rd, 2014 06:32 AM

Re: Unplanned first pregnancy - I am 34 and my boyfriend is still in school
 
Update: we decided to keep the little jellybean (which I believe is the baby's size at the moment).

I am nervous and happy :) I now have to make an appointment with my family doctor and take things from there. I think I am 6 or 7 weeks pregnant, not really sure!

Thanks for your support! :lol:

mamatomany April 23rd, 2014 07:23 AM

Re: Unplanned first pregnancy - I am 34 and my boyfriend is still in school
 
Woohoo! You're going to look bacon this as the best and happiest choice ever :D

AtomicMama April 23rd, 2014 01:25 PM

Re: Unplanned first pregnancy - I am 34 and my boyfriend is still in school
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by mamatomany (Post 28053632)
Woohoo! You're going to look bacon this as the best and happiest choice ever :D

Bacon is ALWAYS the best choice ;)

But in all seriousness, congratulations, OP! You won't regret it :D

lemieuxcrew April 23rd, 2014 03:42 PM

Re: Unplanned first pregnancy - I am 34 and my boyfriend is still in school
 
OK. I am almost 20 weeks pregnant and all I can think is "mmmmm bacon and jelly beans." AHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHA! No seriously, congrats on your pregnancy and decision! Join one of the DDC groups - they are so helpful. :) And stop by September 2014 to let me know how you are.

WaitinginNJ April 25th, 2014 10:07 AM

Re: Unplanned first pregnancy - I am 34 and my boyfriend is still in school
 
congratulations and best of luck. Totally agree with everyone here, join a DDC and enjoy!

ducksaresnazzy July 4th, 2014 08:35 PM

Re: Unplanned first pregnancy - I am 34 and my boyfriend is still in school
 
okay. i haven't had time to read the other ladies' replies, so i have no idea and forgive me if this has been brought up.. but the comment about your boyfriend resenting you and baby for him not being able to finish school bothered me, and i came back here because i have something to say.

your boyfriend is a grown. adult. he makes his own choices and decisions. it will be hard (i'm going to school, working, and i'm my daughter's primary care person since her father and i can't afford daycare and he also works). is it easy? no. but we each give a little of our "me" time so i can get my schoolwork done, and he can work and do other "daddy duty" things. it's not ideal. but it gets the job done.


it is not yours or the baby's fault if he fails his classes. it's on HIM. tell him to baby wear the kid and do his assignments while bouncing on his knees and humming nursery rhymes if he has to.


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