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-   -   Pregnant with new bf (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f100-unplanned-pregnancy/703298-pregnant-new-bf.html)

Vanilla74 August 25th, 2007 01:22 PM

Hello

Bf and I met 2 months ago. Problem? I am pregnant. How the hell did that happen.. I'm not sure how to tell him.

I have been "testing the water", I told him I was a few days late. To my surprise he was very calm (when atm, I am super freaked out).

I don't want to be a single mom, I'd like him to stay with me through that. How can I tell him without freaking him out? We're talking about someone who didn't want a relationship and broke his rules for me but is still taking is slow... so how am I going to say "well by the way, you might not be ready for a relationship but you're going to have to because, oh, yes! You're going to be a dad too!"

It's ok with me if for a few months we don't live together, I am totally okay with it but I don't want to be 7 months pregnant and alone.

And I know a lot of women went through this alone and I command you for it, I just need to know how I can tell him I'd like him to do the right thing, for the three of us.

Abortion is not an option for me, it seems like it's not one for him either, when we talked about it one day he said "I don't want kids now but if it has to happen, so be it".

And I'd rather be doing this alone than have him poking into my life here and there while I'm pregnant, I won't be able to handle a heartbreak and a baby at the same time!

HighwayDaisy August 25th, 2007 04:32 PM

Hey Vanilla, welcome to JM!

First of all, it sounds like you've really already made up your mind about the situation. You know you want to have the baby, and that is pretty much that. The next step would be to tell your BF. I know, easier said than done. I had been with my BF only 6 months when I got pregnant. It was one of the most difficult conversations I've ever had.

What I'd be careful with, is that it sounds like you've kind of already made up your BF's mind as well. You don't want him to leave you, you don't want to be alone in this, and you even say:

Quote:

I don't want to be a single mom, I'd like him to stay with me through that. How can I tell him without freaking him out? We're talking about someone who didn't want a relationship and broke his rules for me but is still taking is slow... so how am I going to say "well by the way, you might not be ready for a relationship but you're going to have to because, oh, yes! You're going to be a dad too!"[/b]
The fact of the matter is that none of us want to be alone in this. Of course it isn't an ideal situation. And I really do hope he sticks it out with you and does the best he can to be a dad. But you can't force someone to be in a relationship with you, even with a baby involved. And if you try, it may backfire on you. (How many of us like being told how we're going to spend our lives?)

I think I'd try being honest with him, letting him know what the ideal situation for you would be, but also letting him know that you've made up your mind about what you are going to do, but that you will try to respect and support his decision.

I really hope it works out for you! Good luck.

MLBelle August 25th, 2007 05:12 PM

I hope things work out for the best for you!
SO and I were seriously dating for 2 months before I got pregnant. If that. We were seeing each other beforehand and it was rough because I wasn't ready for a relationship.
Things may take some time but they will work out. Just stay calm and collected about the whole thing. Don't let your hormones get the best of you! I think things turned out for the better for me since I did that.
Give him his space too.....it's hard enough being pregnant and single but being you being pregnant is something he is going to have to adjust too as well as you.
Good luck!

Vanilla74 August 25th, 2007 05:39 PM


I was thinking about asking him what he wanted first, and give an answer according to it.

Yes I made up my mind about keeping the baby (even though last week I totally panicked and looked in abortion clinics but I don't see myself doing it!) , after all it's our baby and I love them both.

I am ok with concessions because I understand it's going to be A LOT, I don't see myself living with him next week because I am pregnant! But that's what I'd like in a few months. Maybe I should not tell him that, for now :)

I thought about telling him, short version "I'm pregnant" wait for his reaction and tell him that I am gonna give him time to think about it, to think about what he wants, and to get back to me; in the meantime I'll keep my distance I guess. That's not going to be easy.

I really really hope he's not going to leave me alone on that one or send money my way, it helps but honestly money is not what I need. And I don't see how a baby changes anything in our lives in the negative kind of way.


Any idea to how to talk to him WELCOME!

sarabella August 25th, 2007 08:11 PM

Quote:

And I'd rather be doing this alone than have him poking into my life here and there while I'm pregnant, I won't be able to handle a heartbreak and a baby at the same time![/b]

Take it from me... it's horrible. My boyfriend and I broke up when I was 7 months pregnant. I was pretty close to devastated for over a month and had to pull myself together for my soon to be daughter's sake. He didn't speak to me for 2 months. 2 MONTHS! And now all of a sudden, he's popping back in and saying that he wants to be a part of her life, etc. Without any thought as to how it's going to make ME feel having him come and go and not being able to be with him.

But I'm doing fine and I'll be fine without him. It's not what I want by any means, but it's the hand I've been dealt and once she's born, maybe I won't even be thinking about him at all anymore.

IF she's ever born... freaking kid doesn't want to come out! :angry2:

Vanilla74 August 25th, 2007 08:22 PM

Well for now even though I am concerned about his decision, I am trying to relax as I was advised to do here.

Yes, I should be ready for the worst but I don't want to make a bad news out of it, I think that would influence his reaction and decision.


MLBelle August 26th, 2007 09:34 AM

Just calmly tell him that you're pregnant. Don't freak out about whatever reaction he gives you, My SO's reaction was "I can't go racing anymore!"
Hope for the best but don't jump into conclusions of this and that.
Don't ramble off what you think the plan should be...let him think about things and give a little bit of input.
for example...don't tell him about your plans to move in together right away. You don't know how things will work out.
SO and I didn't move in together for a little while. I didn't push for it...it just seemed like the right thing to do.
Remember, life is one of those things you can't plan. You just have to roll with it and go with it. You can put up a fight or sit back and go with it.

Vanilla74 August 26th, 2007 10:16 AM

Yes, I am going to do that.

You know I was thinking about names.. I have no clue!

And the way I found out i was pregnant? I felt "weird", I went to buy a test, did it .. looked at it.. nothing... the morning after I look at it again and saw a THIN second bar and I said out loud "what the hell?" lol

I am really curious about how he's going to react, I think I am gonna ask him "what do you want?" and yes, no... I wont put the pressure on him, promise :smile:

I dont want to goof ...

Vanilla74 August 26th, 2007 05:07 PM

Update.. He asked me about my period today.. I said I hadn't been thinking about it (which is true lol).. he didn't say anything else

Jax August 28th, 2007 06:23 PM

oi. I have had my husband in and out of my life this entire pregnancy. I honestly think that despite the fact that he is 4 years my elder, he is extremely immature. We did okay as a married couple without kids, but when the prospect of a baby came along, he slowly drifted away. He has walked out every other week for months now.. always comes back in a day or two.. but it's absolutely terrible. I say that you're right.. if he's going to be like that, it's better to have him gone.

Right now my husband is on a good kick.. he is being supportive and wonderful. I love it. I cherish it. I wonder how long it will last every second of every day. It's torture. I hope that my husband and your boyfriend grow up and accept responsibility...

But he sounds like he's a good man.. and like he IS mature (though careful.. not really a bad thing). Just be honest and calm. Giving him his space sounds like the perfect plan (no matter how hard).

He just might surprise you and be amazing. I hope so. I'll be thinking of you... keep us updated.

Vanilla74 August 31st, 2007 12:40 PM

Quote:

oi. I have had my husband in and out of my life this entire pregnancy. I honestly think that despite the fact that he is 4 years my elder, he is extremely immature. We did okay as a married couple without kids, but when the prospect of a baby came along, he slowly drifted away. He has walked out every other week for months now.. always comes back in a day or two.. but it's absolutely terrible. I say that you're right.. if he's going to be like that, it's better to have him gone.

Right now my husband is on a good kick.. he is being supportive and wonderful. I love it. I cherish it. I wonder how long it will last every second of every day. It's torture. I hope that my husband and your boyfriend grow up and accept responsibility...

But he sounds like he's a good man.. and like he IS mature (though careful.. not really a bad thing). Just be honest and calm. Giving him his space sounds like the perfect plan (no matter how hard).

He just might surprise you and be amazing. I hope so. I'll be thinking of you... keep us updated.[/b]

I'll talk to him on Monday (labor day, he's off, he'll be relaxed)

I hope I will get a good reaction!
No matter what I am not getting an abortion (I'm in week 6 btw!)

Melanie. September 2nd, 2007 11:55 AM

Quote:

No matter what I am not getting an abortion (I'm in week 6 btw!)[/b]
Good for you, if he starts that, stand up for yourself!


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