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-   -   am i being selfish? (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f47-venting-room/1403025-am-i-being-selfish.html)

Declyn&Me January 21st, 2009 02:39 PM

So... i need to rant

me and my bf started dating in sept/08. we talked on the phone everyday and hung out most weekends.
he even stayed with me for 2 weeks while i house sat in early november.
december 15th i find out im pregnant, we spent a load of time together and by the end of the holidays, im ready for some space.
so i spend a weekend or 2 alone, seeing him maybe once a week.
ive been working on getting a new job and clearing out my grandmothers old apartment to move into soon.
i dont call him, except to tell him i got the new job. then i get this email him telling me he feels like im making too many decisions without him, that im leaving him out, and that he looks at me as his basically life partner now and wants to include me in all his decisions and wants in on my business.... im just like, im me..im not ready to be a wife...i dont know what i want in 3 years.
it feels like hes condeming me or making me a wife because im preggo.
its getting to the point that the more he talks to me or wants to be around, the more i want to be a single mom.

am i being unfair to ask for space?

should i play good house wife to him because hes the father of my baby?

i just dont want to rush into anything that mght be wrong, what if were not meant for each other?

does anyone else get this way?

Ellemphriem January 22nd, 2009 12:11 PM

Sometimes life is unfair to men :(........

Good luck on him.........

QueSeraSara January 22nd, 2009 01:05 PM

Your child is his child too. I hate to sound harsh, but I do feel like you are being selfish. My DH was raised by a single mom. He slept with a woman he had only known for a few months. He was called a month later and informed that she was pg. She didn't expect anything from him. He ended up marrying her (her 2nd divorce had stated that only spouse or family could live in the house with her and her 2 kids). He stuck thru 2 yrs of a hellish marriage trying to make a family for his DD. Now, no matter what, he is attached to his ex because of his DD. He will ALWAYS have to deal with her crap.

I find it mean that women take such liberties just because the baby is in their body. That child is half his. He has every right to be in its life. You don't have to ask his permission. Make your decisions and inform him. If he had custody of your child and he decided to move without telling you, would you be upset? Maybe that is why people get pg after knowing someone for a while. Figure out if you can be attached to that person for 18 yrs on a regular basis and less regular from then on.

Let's not forget that fathers have rights too.

ETanny January 24th, 2009 06:22 AM

Sometimes its hard falling PG so soon into a relationship (i had been with DF for 5 months before i fell PG) It was a huge strain on us. Maybe sit down together and have a propper talk, see what you both want from this relationship

in_mommy January 24th, 2009 12:18 PM

Quote:

Your child is his child too. I hate to sound harsh, but I do feel like you are being selfish.

I find it mean that women take such liberties just because the baby is in their body. That child is half his. He has every right to be in its life. You don't have to ask his permission. Make your decisions and inform him. If he had custody of your child and he decided to move without telling you, would you be upset? Maybe that is why people get pg after knowing someone for a while. Figure out if you can be attached to that person for 18 yrs on a regular basis and less regular from then on.

Let's not forget that fathers have rights too.[/b]
I have to agree. Just because your pregnant does not mean that you and he HAVE to be anything to each other, however, like she said, he will ALWAYS be a part of your life whether you like it or not due to the baby. Sure have some space, but you also need to respect his feelings. He sounds like he is genuinely concerned about your and the baby. That is something you should be very happy to have as a lot of gals would be on their own. Good Luck!!


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