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AtomicMama July 1st, 2013 11:36 AM

Planning around other people
 
DH and I have been talking about/planning to TTC next spring/early summer. My brother and his wife (with whom we are very close) are planning to TTC around the same time (possibly a little earlier). Would this bother you? I'd like to postpone our TTC until after they are pregnant to separate the babies a little bit, but DH thinks I'm silly for planning our family around other people. This will be my brother/SIL's first child, though, and I really want to be able to be there for them and focus on them. DH and I each have a child from a previous relationship, so while this will be our first together, it will be the third child in our family. Also, selfishly, I want my parents to be able to come out and spend some time with us once the baby is born. If we have our baby at the same time as my brother/SIL, they won't be able to come. What would you guys do?

steampunk July 1st, 2013 11:40 AM

Re: Planning around other people
 
You are assuming that both of you will get pregnant at the same time. What happens if they have trouble getting pregnant? Are you going to wait six months to a year? I would go for it when you originally planned.

ashj_1218 July 1st, 2013 08:19 PM

Re: Planning around other people
 
I think, in this case, it depends on how "dedicated" you are to a spring/summer TTC time. If it wouldn't bother you to wait a bit, why not? But if there are personal reasons why this timing works best for you and DH...I would proceed.

It's really great of you thinking about them like that and want the focus to be on them. And it's not selfish to want your folks to be able to come out for your addition, that's just normal. Either way, I don't think there is a wrong choice. If your husband is really against waiting, I would still go for it. But I do think there are some benefits to waiting as well. (Hey...wait til October and we could join a DDC together ;) )

AtomicMama July 2nd, 2013 06:59 AM

Re: Planning around other people
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by seateal (Post 27489858)
You are assuming that both of you will get pregnant at the same time. What happens if they have trouble getting pregnant? Are you going to wait six months to a year? I would go for it when you originally planned.

Of course that would change things a lot. My SIL and I are very close, so I expect that, especially if I ask, she'll be happy to talk to me about when they start TTC and her journey and such. I'm sure there will be things I won't know, but at the same time, if they've been trying for 6 months and it isn't going well, that would be a bridge I would have to burn when we get there, I guess. On one hand, no, I wouldn't want to hold up my life, but on the other hand, it would crush me to hurt their feelings if they were struggling to TTC and we got pregnant easily. And then there is the issue that TTC and keeping a baby will be very difficult with my history. So lots of things to think about :) I guess I'm just thinking that waiting a few months to see if it all goes easy for them wouldn't really hurt anything on my family's end, if that makes any sense? :lol: I'm rambly!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ashj_1218 (Post 27491125)
I think, in this case, it depends on how "dedicated" you are to a spring/summer TTC time. If it wouldn't bother you to wait a bit, why not? But if there are personal reasons why this timing works best for you and DH...I would proceed.

It's really great of you thinking about them like that and want the focus to be on them. And it's not selfish to want your folks to be able to come out for your addition, that's just normal. Either way, I don't think there is a wrong choice. If your husband is really against waiting, I would still go for it. But I do think there are some benefits to waiting as well. (Hey...wait til October and we could join a DDC together ;) )

We are absolutely not dedicated to any TTC time at all. Honestly, at first, DH wanted to wait until Spring 2015, but the more we've talked, the more we think it kind of makes sense to have our next kiddos (we want 2 more total) while the ones we have are still young. I don't think he'd mind waiting a little longer at all. He just feels like I'm putting my wants/plans on hold for someone else, and he doesn't want me to feel like I need to do that.

And October sounds like a good month :D It would be fun to be in a DDC together!

Excited_mommy July 2nd, 2013 07:31 AM

Re: Planning around other people
 
I just think it would be neat to be pregnant at the same time. Someone who can easily relate to what your going through not only during pregnancy but also afterwords. And then your babies would be close in age and that would make for fun play dates. But I completely understand wanting to give them the attention they probably will desire and at the same time wanting the support from your family. But the chances are you probably won't be having babies within a couple weeks of each other. It would probably end up being atleast a month difference.. But I agree that there is no wrong answer.. Go with what makes you most at ease.

AtomicMama July 2nd, 2013 11:03 AM

Re: Planning around other people
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Excited_mommy (Post 27491795)
I just think it would be neat to be pregnant at the same time. Someone who can easily relate to what your going through not only during pregnancy but also afterwords. And then your babies would be close in age and that would make for fun play dates. But I completely understand wanting to give them the attention they probably will desire and at the same time wanting the support from your family. But the chances are you probably won't be having babies within a couple weeks of each other. It would probably end up being atleast a month difference.. But I agree that there is no wrong answer.. Go with what makes you most at ease.


I think if it were her second (or subsequent) pregnancy, I'd LOVE to be pregnant at the same time. It would be super fun :D But with it being her first, I really want it to be special for her. I know that within weeks is hard to do, but for me, even 1-3 months in either direction would be tough. I'd rather be 4-6 months behind her, I think :) Either way, I know it's totally impossible to plan :lol: Just something I'm thinking about before DH and I jump the gun and start TTC

THE angry uterus July 4th, 2013 05:50 AM

Re: Planning around other people
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by seateal (Post 27489858)
You are assuming that both of you will get pregnant at the same time. What happens if they have trouble getting pregnant? Are you going to wait six months to a year? I would go for it when you originally planned.

I agree.

irishblessing July 5th, 2013 09:45 PM

Re: Planning around other people
 
That's very thoughtful, and ultimately up to you and your DH. I would personally probably carry on with my plans if we had already set them because you just never know for certain how things will turn out.


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